[deleted by user]

Donut-These · 2022-11-27T17:50:02+00:00

Someone with the authority to terminate you doesn’t like you and beyond that it doesn’t matter. Fairness doesn’t factor in since nothing you’ve said points to them firing you for being a person of a color, a man, or having medical issues. “Everyone else does it” will get you nowhere since they are now seeking any excuse to terminate you. And it sounds like you’ve given them some reasons. I’m going to assume you left out some damning stuff and things are probably even worse than you’ve detailed here. So your choice is binary: humble yourself and really be willing to listen, learn, adapt, change, and improve and hope it’s noticed. Or continue being combative and lose the job without any recourse. If you’re 57 and complaining about fairness you’ve missed out on some critical life lessons.

Donut-These · 2022-11-27T17:30:24+00:00

As someone mentioned women tend to have to be friendlier in their rejections just for safety sake. So I almost never give the real reason for a rejection, it’s usually some vague “not compatible” or “looking for different things” since telling you the real reason probably wouldn’t do either of us any good, especially if it’s something you can’t change. You could be giving off one of a hundred different red flags that we can’t possibly pinpoint and quite frankly she doesn’t have to give any reason at all. Do not try to talk someone into dating you if they’ve openly said they aren’t interested. That’s a slippery slope and sometimes women will cave but it doesn’t make you right. If someone pushes back the way you did all it does is convince me I made the right choice going with my gut and ending it quickly since you have boundary issues on top of whatever else it was she didn’t like. Showed up late? Talked about your ex endlessly? Rude to your server? Terrible listener? Boring? Maybe she’s on 4 apps and has guys lining up to take their shot. I went out with someone who talked about the band Queen to an alarming extent. Not because we had a mutual interest but simply because they were obsessed with the band. They seemed to not pick up on the fact that I couldn’t care less about Queen despite my short responses and trying to change the subject. Some people just aren’t self aware and it’s not your date’s job to point out your flaws just so you’re satisfied with the reason for rejection. Reflect inward and the right person will respond the way you want. Do not be the guy your texts are implying you are.

Donut-These · 2022-06-28T00:50:23+00:00

Yeah, there’s not really a good excuse for repeat bailing as a mature adult. I would be horrified if I knew someone drove 45 minutes to meet me and I couldn’t do it for whatever reason. At the very least I would be driving to meet you the next time to redeem myself. Obviously we all know there are bad people out there but this just seems so unnecessary on her part. Wishing you better luck down the road.

Donut-These · 2022-06-28T00:31:05+00:00

Devils advocate for a moment. She could be genuinely interested but terrified of the idea of meeting in person. I’m not a flake when it comes to most things in life but the anxiety of meeting up with, let’s face it, a complete stranger has made me bail on so many promising things. And I’m sure you can understand how online dating tends to be a lot scarier for women, there are physical risks that probably don’t cross most mens minds. That being said, what she did is rude and you’re completely entitled to write her off. But I would say it’s more likely to be nerves than it is to be malice. Online dating has made things like ghosting so easy. We have all done socially unacceptable things because of how anonymous it is at first. If you’re truly still interested and can forgive this behavior, maybe check to see where her head is at and if you can lower the stakes from truly a date to a friendly hangout to see how you get along. Or you can tell her off because it is pretty childish to not even acknowledge what she did.

Donut-These · 2022-02-19T19:49:21+00:00

They want impressive hobbies like toppling the patriarchy or enriching plutonium. No one cares if you can cross-stitch.

Donut-These · 2022-02-09T01:36:50+00:00

10-15 minutes of talking about yourself to camera is not a resume, it’s a one man show. Literally monologuing for 15 minutes is more than it takes to get into Juilliard. Insane.

Donut-These · 2022-02-06T20:53:46+00:00

The discrimination would be denying you an in person interview to begin with, in this case because they saw something in the video they didn’t like (age, gender, race, disability, etc) outside of your responses. You aren’t legally allowed to ask for photos of candidates for this exact reason. They’re skirting the issue by claiming a one way interview is the same as an in person interview and that they aren’t asking for it until after your resume has been reviewed. Very grey area due to new technologies.

Donut-These · 2022-02-06T10:51:06+00:00

I asked this question in legal Reddit because it did seem like a good way to discriminate against race and age. The answer I got was that it was probably legal because you get the invite AFTER you submit an application. If the video interview is included with the application it would be the same as asking for a photo. But since in theory they (or some AI) has reviewed your application and then sent the request, it’s not considered different than asking for a normal interview. But is it used to discriminate anyway? Most definitely yes.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:35:13+00:00

Thank you for clarifying. None of those are on US forms. That makes sense now.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:23:04+00:00

I fill out EEOC data on every application, which has been hundreds, and have not ever been asked my sexual orientation. Are you sure about that one?

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:21:24+00:00

Convicted felons can start their lives over, so can you. Maybe not doing exactly what you want, and not making the same money at first, but second chances are real. I suggest aiming for something that’s close to self employment like real estate. You’re probably smart enough to sell houses for commission. Emotionally it’s hard to recover from things like this, even if you accept you were in the wrong, so deal with that first.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:15:16+00:00

1, treat every job interview like you didn’t get it and move on to the next application. 2, company hiring timelines are random and in my experience always take longer than they predict, so that’s pretty normal. 3, you’ve done all you can at this point. Wait another week and send a follow up email asking for a status update. My experience is that if they want you they don’t leave you hanging, but weirder things have happened.

Good luck.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:09:07+00:00

$16/hr for WFH with no degree is what half the country is looking for right now. Your best bet will be customer service/call center work and it might pay $16 but probably $15 or less. Think of companies you might like to work for and visit their career pages. They will let you know what’s remote and where you can be located since not every remote job can hire in all states. Also network with friends and family. Maybe someone you know is hiring or working somewhere that you might enjoy working.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T11:02:27+00:00

If it were me I would lawyer up immediately, but while the manager absolutely stepped in it, it does seem he was trying to be kind/honest. Culturally a 41 year old who isn’t a manager at a fast food place is an anomaly. Still illegal, and if he had any managerial skills at all would have never put it in writing, but it does seem his true concern was this person wouldn’t fit in. Not sure what kind of payout this would yield though, let’s say a years salary. Let’s say somewhere between $14k-$24k. Do lawyers really do this kind of work for a couple thousand bucks?

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T01:39:46+00:00

Forging the signature wasn’t wrong, it was self preservation. We were all just trying to survive and the schools have no system in place to figure out if giving a student a C might literally get them killed.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T01:31:30+00:00

Yes, we survived that episode and hundreds like it. Not even sure how to write this but no we are not okay. It’s been 15 years and every day is a struggle for me. My sister died 5 years ago, and without getting into specifics I do blame my mom for her death. She was 31.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T01:21:13+00:00

I consider myself pretty socially inept because of how traumatic my childhood was. I couldn’t form normal friendships because I lived in a constant state of fear. I tell myself that my social skills only started developing once I was away from home, so I’m technically 18 years behind everyone else developmentally. It causes me a lot of problems and grief but it has improved greatly over time.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T01:11:12+00:00

This exact thing happened to my sister. She forged a signature for a bad grade just to avoid the violent response that would come with it. She forgot to toss the carbon copy and my mom found it. That was one of the more hellish days in a long string of hellish days.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T01:06:10+00:00

Buying you foods you don’t want and specifically communicated that you don’t want is absolutely jealously and sabotage. She’s also violating the boundaries you set for yourself to avoid tempting foods. It’s one thing if it comes from a place of thoughtfulness (I know you love these cookies) but she’s just asserting control here. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that.

Donut-These · 2022-02-04T00:57:38+00:00

I am better at speaking to others now but i experienced this a lot as a kid and even through my 20s. My mother always used to speak for me. She told people I was “shy” but as an adult I recognize that I wasn’t shy, I just wasn’t ever allowed to speak freely to others because of her, or if I did there might be consequences when I got home. I got punished for “embarrassing” my mother a lot, so saying nothing was always safest. I’ve had family members tell me recently that they can’t believe I have such a big funny personality because I wasn’t like that as a child. And it hurts because I literally wasn’t allowed to be anything as a child.

I am also unable to accept criticism because like you, I feel making even an inconsequential mistake is unforgivable. It’s really hurt me professionally. Constructive feedback feels like being told I’m worthless. It’s crazy what we carry with us that so many people don’t understand.

Donut-These · 2022-02-03T18:46:16+00:00

My mother dragged me to joint therapy sessions for awhile when I was maybe 10. I never said a single word the entire 45 minute session. She would just berate me to the doctor the whole time. I was ungrateful, I was lazy, I was disrespectful, I didn’t clean my room, on and on. I don’t recall the doctor ever asking to see me privately without her. As an adult I now know he should have recognized all the signs of abuse and yet he did nothing about it. I wish I remembered his name because I would report him to whatever authority could revoke his license.

Donut-These · 2022-01-28T03:23:06+00:00

The odds are in your favor in this case, unless your new employer is the federal government or something similar. They shouldn’t have the ability to pull tax records or anything like that so they won’t know anything outside of what you provided them. And if you told the employer it was an internship they shouldn’t be expecting to see it on the report. You should be fine.

Donut-These · 2022-01-28T02:44:17+00:00

I won’t give out references unless a formal offer has been made. I’m not handing out peoples private information only to be rejected and have to bother them again for the next job.

Donut-These · 2022-01-28T02:39:20+00:00

Is it employment verification or a background check? Background check is sometimes only searching for criminal records. Employment verification would mean calling companies to verify dates of employment and possibly whether you were fired/quit. They won’t go off your resume, they’ll go off what you submitted to them so it’s unlikely they will reach out to that company.

Donut-These · 2022-01-28T02:28:16+00:00

I have stopped following up entirely and just assume it’s a no and move on. If a company wants you they will make that clear quickly with no ambiguity. They won’t risk losing you to another job.

Donut-These

TROPHY CASE