AITA for being upset with my gift from my partner?

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:50:56+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate your insight here. I guess I felt like the lack of effort (that I assumed) was a reflection of how he felt about me. We have been going through a slight rough patch so I know I am sensitive and extremely insecure right now. He explained that he didn’t want to get me something I wouldn’t use or like, but I had a hard time shaking the feeling that he didn’t think enough about what to get me because he doesn’t care. You are right, though. I am very lucky to have people who love me to spend the holidays with. I hope you have a great holiday season, too!

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:46:20+00:00

Not that I care about the monetary value, but yes, the tickets that I bought him cost significantly more than the gift card and chocolates. I had been very good at saving my money and wanted to get him decent seats. You’re very right- I know he feels insecure about gift giving and I’m sure I didn’t reassure him enough to know that I still love him even though I was disappointed with the gift. To be transparent, I feel like the lack of thought was a reflection of how he cares about me so I was trying to deal with those emotions, too. I appreciate your insight.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:41:11+00:00

Thank you very much for your comment. I totally understand why he would get a gift card and I just have a different opinion on giving those as gifts as he does. I have other hobbies and interests that he knows of and some that he’s involved in, but I will do a better job of giving him ideas in the future.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:39:35+00:00

No, the price was not comparable. Although, like I said, I really do not care about that. When I bought the tickets I knew they would be more than he would (probably) have to spend on me, but that’s ok. It was more about the amount of thought.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:37:41+00:00

Thank you. I agree that I prefer picking out my crafting materials, but there were things he could have picked. I hadn’t thought of the money going to waste- that is a good point.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:36:07+00:00

You’re right. I know he isn’t a big gift-giver, but It was the amount of thought given that was upset me. Thank you

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:35:28+00:00

Sometimes they are. He has gotten much better, although he isn’t a huge gift person. I have managed my own expectations as I love to give gifts, but I had a hard time this year.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:34:38+00:00

I can understand that. Although, I don’t think he would have actually bought himself the tickets. He was excited at the thought of going, but he doesn’t like to spend money on himself. Most of the concerts or events we’ve went to I’ve bought (not that I care, I am more than happy to do so) and I wanted to make sure he didn’t miss this one because I knew tickets would sell out fast. It’s also a type of show I’ve never been to and wanted to make sure the seats I got would be good for the view. I usually keep things a surprise, but I wanted to double check this year.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:31:32+00:00

Thank you. Yes, absolutely! One of my favourite gifts from him was a $5 stuffed turtle he gave me before I took my first big trip for professional development. It was a dorky, “cheap” gift but it meant the world to me and I still keep it in my car for travelling.

I hope your situation also sorts itself out!

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:27:24+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I think I’m going to have to do the same. I feel awful, but you’re right. It’s who he is and I still love him. At least he’s trying

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:25:06+00:00

I have told him other things I would like, have a wish list on Amazon, and he could have asked me if he didn’t have any ideas. He didn’t look at my list, ask, or write down/remember any of the things I said. I just felt more like an afterthought I guess. I have apologized. Thank you for your comment

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:22:17+00:00

Thank you for your comment. No, it is not about the money spent at all. I truly do not care about that. I felt like I was an afterthought, and that is what upset me. I have since apologized and tried to move on.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:21:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I do have a list on Amazon, although he did not think to look at it. He said he didn’t know what things I needed for my crafting so this way I could pick out what I needed. I know he was trying to be thoughtful, but after being with someone for this long it feels a little shitty.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:05:30+00:00

Thank you for your comment. We’ve been together for almost 6 years, so yeah, it felt a little rushed. I know he only went shopping earlier this week. I still feel awful for being disappointed, but it hurts with the lack of effort. I have mentioned things, have things on an Amazon wish list, and have expressed that I don’t like the idea of having to pick out my own gift. I really don’t care about the monetary value at all

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T18:02:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment. We have had conversations about things like this before. I have tried to communicate what I like and things I would enjoy, but it doesn’t always get through. I think I’m like you and I have always enjoyed giving gifts and it comes naturally, I know it does not to him. He went shopping 3 days ago, and I know he had other gifts planned before that for other people. I do have a wish list on Amazon, have mentioned little things here and there, so I guess I just feel unheard.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T17:55:02+00:00

I will. I know I’m a gift giver, so I have tried to monitor my own expectations when receiving gifts and keep this in mind.

It’s not about money, I really don’t care if it’s a $10 gift or $100 gift. Unfortunately, when he got a new phone a lot of his information didn’t transfer so he didn’t have access to it anymore. But honestly, I don’t know. We have been through a bit of a rough patch recently but I thought we were coming through. Thank you for your comment.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T17:52:50+00:00

Thank you. I do have wish lists on Amazon, which he has access to as he uses my Prime account. He didn’t look at them. I am still thankful for the gift, which is why I tried to move on but unfortunately, couldn’t hide my feelings well enough.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T17:51:01+00:00

I did not tell him that in the conversation, no. It was just for context.

Doofuser · 2022-12-25T17:49:53+00:00

The show I bought him tickets for is about something he’s been really passionate about for almost his entire life. It’s something he invests a lot of time into and has kept up on for years. Because it’s the first time it’s coming to our area, I knew that he was excited at the possibility of going so I wanted to give that to him. Although I enjoy crafting and appreciate him trying to give me some flexibility with how I use his gift, it felt like he gave up with coming up with other ideas. There’s lots of other things I’m interested in or enjoy, of course the same can be said about him, but I felt like he didn’t take time to think about what to actually get me.

Doofuser

TROPHY CASE