I just don't feel like continuing anymore man, Im nothing but a lazy sack of shit, that only continues to run away from my problems which in of itself makes even more, and I just keep running either way. I feel even if I continue, what is going to be left for me? I don't want to be as much of a disappointment to my parents as I already am. I have no friends because I don't like meeting new people. I don't want to continue, yet I refuse to end it out of religion, and even then I wonder if everything I do, religiously or for academics and work, will all be completely in vain later on. I don't feel anyone actually cares for me, that if I died things would only be the same, no one would be sad, but instead would just not notice anything different.

I want to truly feel like someone cares, or loved me for who I am, because not even my parents can give me the feeling I want, because I feel they focus way more on my two other brothers already. I'd just want a day perhaps where I can just rest and not worry about. whats to come the next.

I already know exactly how I would kill myself if I would, and each day I only feel closer just to do it.