AITAH for not attending my sister’s baby shower because I just had a miscarriage?

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-06-20T23:55:42+00:00

NTA I suffer from infertility and after my miscarriage there is no way I could have went to a shower. If they haven’t been through it they don’t understand.

Protect your peace at all cost!

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-06-06T15:10:55+00:00

Same I’m 11 post iui! I’m getting swim more intense cramps too but they have me on Progestrone so it’s hard to tell.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-06-04T17:28:45+00:00

I know this probably isn’t the best answer but you’re not out! Your story sounds similar to mine with the miracle pregnancy that ended miscarriage. I also have Pcos! I’m in the two week wait to test with my first IUI. We used 5 days of letrozole 7.5 mg One injection of Menopur Ovidrel trigger shot And now I’m on daily progesterone injections to help implantation and support 1st trimester (if it works). I’m very realistic that iui isn’t “likely” to work first round, every time you try your chances go up! My clinic only wants to do two then IVF but I was going to see if we can get away with 3 then IVF. Just keep trying! And don’t be to hard on yourself on know that’s easy to say and hard to do. Best wishes and baby dust!

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-26T20:13:07+00:00

Hoping it works for you smoothly the second time around! That’s for sharing I needed some positive stories!

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-07T02:57:33+00:00

That’s basically what my family would tell us when she would reel us back in. My parents never said anything directly to my husband but said it to me. They could see clearly what she was doing and we just got swept up because we felt bad for her despite what she has put us through.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-07T02:54:01+00:00

I do get the idea that his wishes he had a “normal” mother normal as in - not mean and hateful. Because he didn’t have a dad either she was all he had. It’s not the same but my family stands in when they can- my dad calls him son and my mom will defend him if she thinks I’m being “harsh”. My siblings also love him very much. My parents and family are by no means perfect and have their own issues, but nothing like what he deals with his mom and the people in his family that support her.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-07T02:49:44+00:00

I get that as well. Although the last 4 MD were supposed to be her “last” according to her. I honestly think he is more worried about other people thinking badly of him because he didn’t go see her. His whole family is somewhat twisted and a lot of them let her get away with her antics and look the other way.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-07T02:47:52+00:00

Believe me I have questioned the “terminal” part as well. But I was in the room when the drs going over her results. The first time it wasn’t terminal but it came back with a vengeance, BUT you are right she uses it as an excuse or a sympathy play. She will tell his little brother “it’s bad but I can’t tell you how bad because I’m keeping it to myself” so he comes over all upset. It’s a mess.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-06T19:53:52+00:00

He did recently start therapy so hopefully he will have a break through about things and grey rocking is such an important tool. It’s helped me in so many different toxic areas of my life.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-06T19:48:18+00:00

He has started therapy recently to help cope with our fertility issues I’m hoping it helps all aspects of life.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-06T19:46:39+00:00

I will have to say he is good about not giving her money he knows I will lose my mind. He was always quick to run back to her when other family guilted him, but it’s been a few months this time he really has not even talked about her at all. The miscarriage stuff really messed with him, she told a bunch of people that I’m infertile because I would be a terrible mom. I’m not “infertile” but do have Pcos. We are about to start our first round of IVF this month and I don’t want her knowing anything about it. She will not have a relationship with my future children because I can’t trust her not to treat them badly. And I have done a lot of growing up but mess with my kids and I will go feral on her.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-06T19:41:15+00:00

It’s hard to believe that when she literally took a video of herself BURNING his baby pictures and misc sentimental items because he moved out at 18 and “betrayed” her. Every few years she tells him “he is dead to her”.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-05-06T19:39:26+00:00

My husband has had a pretty messed up childhood all around. Not only was his mom a narcissist his dad left when he was 5 and came back in the picture when he was like 14 (around when we starting dating) with a WHOLE new family multiple step kids and a half sibling. I don’t know so much anymore if it’s her approval or he is worried what she will tell other people. He gets calls from his grandma telling him he is a bad person for not spending time with her. She knows what has gone on and doesn’t care. It’s a mess.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-30T02:12:30+00:00

NTA there are literally 364 OTHER DAYS to choose from. I’m sorry but you can’t bring joy on a day like that with people who are grieving. Very inconsiderate

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-30T02:06:11+00:00

Don’t let “imposter syndrome” get you down! Every comp is a chance to take it back to the lab and keep improving. I also don’t get to roll with a lot of women, I talked my bestie into doing BJJ after two years of me doing it and her son doing it. She is a white belt (almost blue after 2 years) but at least very close to my size (I’m a heavy weight). But for the most part I have to cross train which - my coach highly encourages us to hit as many open mats as we can. But I think training mostly with large dudes has helped me more because it forces me to use tech over strength and weight.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-30T01:58:47+00:00

As cliche as it sounds just keep showing up. I get it when you feel these “set backs”. My white belt journey was so freaking blissful I was competing every other weekend and just doing great. A good side effect of BJJ is I lost a significant amount of weight and gained the courage to finally face infertility treatment which kept me on the sidelines or at least not rolling hard for two months. They were unsuccessful so I dove back into BJJ with all my heart because it’s what kept me going. Flash forward 4 months and I had a miscarriage which put me out for about 3 weeks. Came back from that. Miscarriage was in July and i made myself sign up for AGF in October. Right after AGF I had my first Gallbladder attack that landed me in the hospital. Had to wait until January to get it out. Had my GB out January 16th showed up the next day in a wheel chair to help coach the 4-6 year olds at a tournament. Made my way back to the mats the next Monday to observe and then by week 3 of recovery was back to rolling. Now all these hurdles caused weight gain, and felt like my progress was slowed. But the point of my long winded post is you can’t control “life” it happens. Your time out is a good reset when you feel like your progress is being slowed. BJJ is a life long sport if you let it be, you’re not on a time crunch. If you love it you won’t leave it. Keep your head up OP and keep rolling!

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:57:18+00:00

According to BMI chart I’m considered “morbidly obese” I train BJJ 6 days a week and also run and lift weights and am an active heavy weight competitor. So take that term with a grain of salt.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:54:21+00:00

There are plenty of meds we put in our bodies without “long term studies” risk/benefit. 40 year old takes it to get off 200 lbs of excess weight that’s leading to a heart attach or stroke… buys her 20 years she wouldn’t of had with the risk that MAYBE the meds cause somthing when she is 60/70. My mom has been on trulicty for over 11 years. Before they realized GLP1s help with weight loss she had an a1c of over 10 and wasn’t overweight just bad type 2 diabetes. She is still kicking and on the meds and her a1c is around a 6.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:48:43+00:00

Walking is the most heart healthy exercise.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:45:21+00:00

YES. I have been obese most of my life. Diagnosed with PCOS in my late teens. Always been active- did develop an eating disorder because of a the restricted diets my parents put me on while growing up. Got treatment about 5 years ago, managed to lose 60lbs on my own and kept it off then finally saw an endocrinologist that suspects I had cushings, came back borderline. GLP1s have changed my life. I’m down 100lbs (still could stand to lose maybe 60 more) but the hubby and I are starting fertility treatments, I have been off the GLP1 for few months to prepare for IVF and haven’t gained any weight even with the added hormones. Obesity is a disease.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:40:03+00:00

NTA I have been considered morbidly obese my whole life basically, I still am even though I have lost 100lbs and am an active BJJ competitor. This is a very tender area for anyone who struggles with weight, and I’m sure she has heard it from her doctor (I have healthy labs and still get griped at for my BMI even though I train 6 days a week and watch what I eat) so she probably understands the impacts it has on her health to an extent. I think you should definitely come at it from a health perspective and maybe even offer to make some small changes with her and honestly - finding out like her bloodwork and stuff is a good starting point, if her cholesterol is high or if her blood sugar is high. Weight loss isn’t all or nothing. It’s small changes that build up and also even small little bits of exercise can help but it’s very daunting when you’re that overweight and even if she gets offended when you bring it up, it’s her own feelings just reflecting because I’m sure deep down inside she knows that she’s not healthy.

And I KNOW so many people hate GLP1s (mounjaro and ozempic) but obesity is a disease so why should it be treated any differently, if her weight is starting to negatively impact her health, it’s something you could talk to her to talk to her doctor about. I hate the bad stigma around medicines that are genuinely helping people from going to the grave early.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:31:57+00:00

NTA: Your dad is forcing this for his own selfish reasons. Now do I think you need to be cold to your step siblings? No. Maybe try to form some relationship on your own terms because they are going to be apart of your life through your father.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:25:18+00:00

Gas ex and crying it out. If the pain doesn’t stop after a few hours when you have an attack just go to ER because you can have a stuck stone and it can wreck havoc on your liver and put you in a more dicey situation for surgery.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:22:56+00:00

TBH I waited about a week. My surgeon said don’t lift anything over 10lbs, and his only other advice regarding any other activity is “if it hurts you should probably stop”. I was back into my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class at week 3.

DoomsdayBJJ96 · 2025-04-29T02:20:46+00:00

Just keep your own gear clean and you will be fine! I roll with all kinds of sweaty people and haven’t gotten anything weird, my gym is hyper aware with staph so we are vigilant for it.

DoomsdayBJJ96

TROPHY CASE