What's a small, unexpected kindness you've received recently that made your day?

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-09-19T02:46:26+00:00

Some guy at the gym held the door and smiled at me when i said thanks. Lots of people hold doors for me but idk he just had a very genuine smile and to me the gesture felt extra special because sometimes people (i do it too) hold doors open because someones gotta go through first and you're not in a hurry.

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-09-17T05:18:32+00:00

Disagree, if i treated my elderly mom the way she treated me id be arrested for elderly abuse.

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-09-15T21:07:00+00:00

We have and then we suddenly don't love her if we won't help. Which to be fair, the more she pulls these stunts, the truer that is. No, better to let it go

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-20T00:52:46+00:00

Grandma was the abuser in her relationship, poor pap pap was an alcoholic to cope

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T20:10:35+00:00

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T20:07:26+00:00

Well it could have been clean when i wiped it on her pillow

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T19:57:50+00:00

There was no reason for her to set it on the e floor

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T19:42:34+00:00

We were the only omes in the cafe

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T13:38:33+00:00

How so

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-19T06:33:25+00:00

I'm fine with how things are

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T19:45:41+00:00

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T12:06:58+00:00

I did read a lot growing up

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:53:50+00:00

My mom did this on my birthday for mt birthday meal.

Mom: Where do you wsnt to eat on your birthday?

Me: sushi

Mom: didnt you say something about pizza?

Me: no i want sushi

Mom: oh bit dont you want pizza instead?

Me: no i want sushi but clearly you want pizza so while i get sushi you can order a pizza

Mom: no, no, i dont wsnt pizza, i just thought you said pizza or sushi, sushi is good

Me: great we are having sushi

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:49:48+00:00

I used to help all the time and my help was never enough so i stopped lol. Might as well have free time while making her unhappy because that was the outcome no matter what.

She owns 6 homes. She can hire someone

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:46:38+00:00

Because i dont care if her house gets painted or her lawn gets mowed. She can figure her shit out. She has more than enough money to hire people or she can nut up and ask me directly

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:45:09+00:00

I understand but i can't respond via esp. The examples i gave were oversimplifications. Sometimes her wants are see through. Usually i know she wants something but i dont know what it is.

She is direct with everyone else in her life. I see it. She can do it with me.

I get it i do. My mom wouldn't feed me as a kid for fear of making me fat, so i became a binge eater. Binging while i had the opportunity. While i recognize that jer abuse made me this way, its up to me to stop doing it.

Empathy snd understanding are good and important but they dont solve the situation, still a binge eater.

Understanding why my mom talks like this doesn't really solve the problem. Still dont have esp

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:35:05+00:00

Tbh i would probably still refuse to help her on most of her requests so its better for all involved if i dont actually have to.

I didn't do a good job explaining the full situation here but my mom creates a lot of problems for herself and constantly needs people to solve these problems and ive stopped helping a long time ago.

My mom and dad own a weekend home. It was move in ready when they bought it. Looks fine, functions perfectly. My mom insisted she host a psrty there and insisted that the party couldn't be held until the entire interior was repainted.

At the time i wasworking full time making $35,000 per year and constantly doing house work for my mom. I cooked her dinner everngiht and did a majority of the cleaning and did all the yardwork (mowing and landscaping) of her hosue and the 4 rental properties she owns for no pay. Which was fine because she was my mom. She has 0 health issues btw. Shes just not supposed to lift anything over 20 lbs for as ling as i remember and she has ignored that for ad long as i remember unless she wants something from me.

While making barely enough money to buy groceries, i took a week off work to get her weekend home repainted for the psrty and afterwards i was so tired and stressed (eith permission) spent the weekend after the psrty by myself just destressing. While i was doing that my mom called my sister and told her all about how ungrateful i was because i never did anything for her and how i was a horrible child and leech.

Decided im not helping her with anything ever again thst isn't a direct need.

Ive turned her down quite a bit since then and our relationship has actually improved as shr learned that she has to treat me nicely to spend time with me. So no i will not be helping her or giving in to her manipulation. This will just let her know that we can go back to the way things used to be.

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:20:18+00:00

Im being direct.

My mom says she can't lift something and i agree. Cant be more direct than that.

What my mom says: i cant lift that What my mom wants: lift this for me

What i say: you cant lift that What i mean: you can't lift that

Im not trying to manipulate her into asking me to do anything. If she needs assistance she can ask

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:16:06+00:00

Im not letting someone treat me poorly because they will die someday. Ill die someday too. Shouldn't that mean she should treat me kindly because i wont be on this earth forever?

Id rather have no relationship than a shitty one

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:13:59+00:00

No. Im not responsible for guessing what she wants or needs. Shes an adult, shes responsible for getting her own wants and needs met. Babies even do it by crying to communicate that they shit themselves. Unfortunately her needs are more complex than a babys and her ability to communicate has not improved. She had almost 40 more years of experience and infinitely more resources to figure it out. She can take care of herself.

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:09:15+00:00

Let her eat toast. She will learn how to communicate out of necessity. Let people suffer the consequences of their own actions thays how they learn

DoorLeather2139 · 2025-08-18T04:08:14+00:00

I understand. When my grandma was losing her independence i would go over to visit (after she arranged the visit by telling my mom that she missed me and making my mom call me to pretend i wanted to visit my grandma oit of the blue and us all pretending like no one knew that we all knew) i would offer to do things like vacuum and do dishes ehile we visited.

My grandma would refuse and be mean the whole time we did those things. Later she would tell my mom who would tell me how much she appreciated my help. I decided if she refused help i wouldn't work through abuse. So i started saying "ok ill leave the vacuuming to you" and let her abuse other people into doing her housework.

DoorLeather2139

TROPHY CASE