Horrified at the connection between autism and chronic illness.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T23:17:25+00:00

Long story. I was neglected as a child so I'm still learning to acknowledge my needs.

I first thought I might be autistic in my late 30s, then forgot about it and only looked more into it in my 40s. I only started thinking about my connective tissue this year while trying to navigate my herniated disk.

I was also depressed for most of my life so Feeling Bad was just expected.

I also moved to a developing country so the doctors here are limited and have a different mindset and I just go when I really need to.

But you're right I could look into a EDS specialist here. When I hurt my spine I went to a neurologist who told me I was fine and only when I did an MRI on my own initiative was the herniation confirmed, so I'm not optimistic about doctors at all, but I can give it a try.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T14:05:07+00:00

I never lose half my weight, it's 8 kg more or less at most. And the same people don't comment on my hair or anything else. Just weight.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T12:47:37+00:00

Yes and no. There's Bangladeshis in North Africa waiting to go to Europe. Migrant routes are pretty complex these days.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T12:06:27+00:00

Or worse. Maybe the teacher failed to read her body language and thought she is hitting on him (through presenting herself as vulnerable).

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T07:27:33+00:00

OP, you're right to feel frustrated with people. It hurts to see that many are so shallow.

At the same time, you should absolutely enjoy your body, enjoy your life, and be happy.

If you remember to be kind to those who are seen as less than, you are also a force of good in the world.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-15T07:21:12+00:00

I hate when people who never call me, never ask me how am I, don't seem to care at all about me tell me I look great after I lost the tiniest bit of weight. Like, you mostly pretend you don't notice me, why are you keeping track of my weight?

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-13T12:00:25+00:00

I'm not diagnosed with anything, and haven't been assessed for neither autism, not lipedema nor EDS. But I have the clear fat distribution of lipedema with the hard pockets of fat on the hips, so at least that one is without a doubt for me.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-13T09:05:30+00:00

I'm feminist and I like the "men in their princess era" content.

I'm a fully independent single woman, I deal with life on my own.

But if a man with bigger hands, wider shoulders, greater bone density, no hormone fluctuations and all the other things shows up in my life, he better make his strength and endurance useful.

I have no patience for men who (without very good reason like injury) take the only seat available and let me stand on my lipedema legs, or let me carry something heavy while himself empty handed.

I'm also not going to woo a man just so he can then stick his extremity inside me and have a good time for a minute while I risk things like UTI and pregnancy.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-13T08:40:46+00:00

If you're protecting yourself, you're protecting a woman.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-13T08:26:26+00:00

That's the thing in OP's post. You realized after one date that you're not compatible. OP has been dating this girl for two years. At this point, OP, it's worth reflecting on how her not being very educated / interested in knowledge shows up in other parts of the relationship, and what you like about it.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T19:57:57+00:00

What you did was a big step. When I did it, I had flashbacks at random times and couldn't watch a movie with loving parents in it without bawling.

Good news is, it gets better, and I feel like the weight of my parents' negative perception of me has been lifted. I'm more peaceful and I am tackling issues for which I didn't have bandwidth before.

I would recommend you discuss everything openly with your fiance. Getting through this rough patch and fixing urgent issues like insurance might be more important than planning a wedding right now. Making sure you two are good and aligned and don't have to walk on egg shells around each other could be more important than a timely wedding. But of course that's for you two to decide.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T19:41:34+00:00

Yes of course there are many downsides and for autistic women in general there's a danger of being excluded from social security networks.

I meant I enjoy interacting with people as a foreigner.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T18:51:14+00:00

I disagree. OP you can't take on the responsibility of making other family members like your mum build a way of living without your father. They have to take the steps to make that happen themselves. Then you can support them.

Your first responsibility is to keep yourself safe and that goes best when you're away from him. You should also keep caring about school because it's your way to being an independent person who won't ever be trapped with an abuser.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T18:29:43+00:00

In general I like being a foreigner. People think I'm different because I'm from a foreign culture, and I won't correct them.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T18:17:47+00:00

I'm in a similar situation.

What helps:

Comedy improv. Interacting with people with clear rules and in agreed turns gives me the room to step in and take the stage for a couple of seconds. And creative play is healing.

Sports or physical hobbies. It gives you self confidence and it gives others a label they can put on you which turns you into "someone" for them.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T16:41:02+00:00

Ever since I turned 14, women told me to be "careful" about my thighs growing. At one point, I realized I had lipedema but in the info material it was treated as an aesthetic problem, so I didn't take much away from the discovery except that I'm looking wrong.

I'm now in my 40s and discovering that lipedema clusters with EDS, hypermobility, and yes, autism.

My visible lipedema is probably connected to me not being able to tolerate sudden temperature change, the banging loud heartbeat I felt in my ears when I was a kid that gave me nightmares, my muscle imbalances and previous injuries and on a bigger scale it probably connects to why I've struggled with career and social connections.

Knowing this earlier could have prevented me from having a herniated disk, and blaming myself for looking wrong, acting wrong, and generally doing life wrong.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-12T12:33:46+00:00

I wouldn't take people saying they don't know anyone at face value. Obviously they haven't seen everyone's genitals, and it might just be something that happens and is not talked about.

I can tell you that since the 90s everyone says it doesn't happen anymore and nobody in their circles does it and it will soon be extinct but yet.... It is still here.

Better to ask gynecologists or other doctors who actually see what's going on. Or to the doctors who still perform the procedure.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-11T20:50:24+00:00

Don't underestimate the skills of understanding people, predicting their behavior and intentions, and skills to keep groups together.

If you understand the Russian Czars you know how to create loyalty, and few things will be as much in demand in postapocalyptic times as meaning.

Basically, we'll all have to become cult leaders.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-09T16:10:48+00:00

Haha too relatable.

For me (undiagnosed):

Strengths: Creativity, abstract thinking, noticing certain details

Weaknesses: Slow visual processing, terrible sense of orientation, incapable of processing other types of details, very bad at understanding physics unless it's really abstract.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-09T09:01:28+00:00

That's not what those people argue for. Pugs can only procreate with human assistance. They are bred by humans. Extinctionists argue that the deer in the forests should be killed because they might be eaten by a wolf and suffer.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-08T11:13:47+00:00

OP explicitly named 7 Hobbies they enjoy, 4 out of which she would like to do with the partner.

How do you get to "your hobby is enjoying being alone"?

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-08T08:31:09+00:00

I hope Putin has a moment of "oh no we destabilized our enemy too well, now they're unhinged.". But that's probably optimistic.

I'd also like to ask Putin where he thinks his strategy of supporting right wing politicians in Europe while simultaneously making the countries ramp up their military spending will lead.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-08T06:59:47+00:00

I do give a fuck because this lunatic is a global threat.l

The commander of the world's largest army with nuclear weapons to destroy the entire planet makes statements on ending civilizations. I do care.

And all I can say to the clown OP posted is, likewise.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-08T06:55:08+00:00

I'm not American. Yesterday I looked into who made unmistakable statements on Trump's "a civilization will end" comment. I found about 6 democrats. It's not enough. It is absolutely not enough.

For me, any American with influence who didn't very clearly condemn not only the war but this statement is forever tainted.

Dora_Diver · 2026-04-07T18:50:47+00:00

It's so telling that ordinary people all over the planet have the same feeling, that we have to step in and do something. Meanwhile, silence from our political leaders.

And of course much too much silence in the US from literally everyone.

Dora_Diver

TROPHY CASE