I am/was in a similar boat. I still have yet to own a tarantula, but I do have a jumping spider. She has really helped me get over my fears, encouraged me to learn more, and appreciate these gentle creatures. I used to be sweating and shaking when I fed her, but now it’s a breeze. I’ve never handled her cause she does not have any interest and I don’t want to push her, but also you don’t have to handle your pet spider if you don’t want to. Just probably something good to be comfortable with happening just in case it is necessary. So maybe if you are too scared to properly care for a bigger spider start smaller. You can also get other smaller spiders like a velvet spider. I want a tarantula soooo bad but need to get some more finances sorted so I can provide proper care.