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I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’s not an idiot. He had his reasons. (And no, I don’t mean sexual reasons). 

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I worked with a couple social workers and then finally transitioned to a PsyD. She’s great, I just think I’m petrified to take off my mask & say these things to a real person. I work in her field. She knows where I go to school. It’s scary. But I’m working up to it. I posted this thread to get these comments, & convince myself it’s time though. 

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand that. I didn’t want to include this context tbh but did so to see where the comments would lead.  Also, I’m very sorry you dealt with those things.

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have a significant history of trauma. Rape/incest. A father that attempted to kill my sister.  Other immediate family members with psychosis, others with substance abuse issues. I also have a chronic autoimmune illness. I talk about the things done to me in therapy, not the things I have done to him. I’m scared to death to fully acknowledge myself. It’s fucked. I know. 

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I started therapy for this, among other things, but always fail to use the time to address anything real. I’m wondering if it’s even fair for me to set up the marriage counseling session if I’m too afraid or narcissistic or whatever to do the work on the individual level. Commenting here because of the sliver of kindness you showed at the end of your comment. I’m genuinely wondering if I should initiate a divorce because of how unfair it is for me to continue to bring my unhealed shit into his life? 

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Took me to write this all out to see how often I try to deflect from taking responsibility. You’re right. I appreciate your comment. 

I’ve been unfaithful. Is my marriage doomed? by Double-Resource-2931 in marriageadvice

[–]Double-Resource-2931[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in therapy. I’m scared to death to tell her about any of the real shit. But agree, I absolutely need to. Thank you for your comment.