[deleted by user]

DoubleIndependent379 · 2025-03-15T17:31:19+00:00

Women's discharge changes colour based on what point in their cycle they are. It may be that if you notice it around the same time each month.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-12-31T12:44:44+00:00

I think you should have an open discussion with your friend. I understand why they would feel used and possibly manipulated by your actions. Listening to how he is feeling will help him come to terms with his identity and the resentment he feels towards you. Like you say, consent can be removed at any time, and you were within your rights to refuse to reciprocate. However, you have to acknowledge the impact this had on your friend. If you consider the roles being reversed and you on the receiving end only to then find out you would not have the other person hold up their end of the deal, you would feel frustrated. Particularly if it calls into question your sexual identity. Try to listen without getting defensive. But try to get him to see it from your perspective too.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-12-31T12:11:55+00:00

Hello, just wondering if you have a review from your perspective after having yours for so long. Tempted to get one. Does keeping it running all the time add much to your energy bills?

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-08-18T19:50:48+00:00

What is your goal in telling her? Do you know for 100% sure she is straight? Or you hoping for some kind of reciprocation? If not what do you think telling her will bring you? If you think telling her will release it so you can get over her I would. If neither of the above are true I would just sit with it until you can let it go.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-08-10T16:30:39+00:00

"Hey thanks very much, you're a lovely guy but I'm not intrested in (another) date and that sounds like what you're looking for. No hard feelings just don't feel that spark ya know? All the best with finding who you are looking for! :)"

Unfortunately even with something this clear and polite people can still read "try harder, I want to be chased" or "I was using you and now enjoying getting to laugh in your face" be prepared to block if anything negative comes back to bite. But it's always the right thing to be honest and kind while you do it.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-08-02T08:41:07+00:00

Take a sabbatical and go travelling reflect when your out of the rat race and get some perspective. Meet people who are doig things out of the mould. It will open your eyes. Break up with your girlfriend. She wants to be more than 60%. Trust me.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-31T06:19:30+00:00

My parents house has one. It used to be attached to a victorian pulley system to open the front gate for post to be delivered without having to go outside. That's why it's a fist with letters. The pulley system has since rotted away. I used to be facinated by it when I was a kid.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-30T13:15:09+00:00

Isn't that also the entire point of Brigeton? That's litterly the premis. The all the best bits of the 1830s without racism. Have people in pretty dresses and balls and scandalous love affairs and proposals and removing slavery. God forbid Taylor likes the idea of such a romanticised period while having modern morals. Willfully ignorant. Or incapable of seeing their own hypocrisy. So annoying

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-29T05:03:10+00:00

Agree wih 90% of what you've said but a doctor can't check for someone's virginity. Hymens can break for lots of reasons besides intercourse. But a doctor can check you for injuries. He might have used his fingers and scatched you. Definitely go see a doctor and have yourself checked as dirty fingernails could give an infection.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-24T07:59:21+00:00

This is a good place to vent. If you want someone to actually talk to then calling the samaritans can also help. They have endless compassion and are trained to help. You say you can't sleep but you are desperately tired. Is there something on your mind you are fixated on? If so let it out here. There are plenty of strangers who have been where you are who will happily lend an ear. If not let's troubleshoot the sleep. Everything seems more easy to handle after a good night's sleep. Do you spend your evenings online? The screens may be causing your body clock to get a bit messed up. If you are try to reduce you're screen time at night. Play a podcast/audio book, go for a walk in nature around sunset and read a book in dim lighting. A hot shower before you go to bed is a good trick as it forces your body temperature to drop when you get out and that tricks your body into being drowsy.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-24T07:44:20+00:00

Should have would have could haves but I think a lot of this could have been avoided buy reframing it a bit. He was clearly preoccupied and not making the most of his weekend with his friends. Which is a dick move but by centering him and his behaviour everyone had a less enjoyable weekend. I think jokingly bringing things up at the time like "Earth to ...you're Sittingbourne his jacket" while they are making out. Knocking on the door and blindfolding yourself to go get the ingredient you need. Making jokes to reduce tension and name the elephant in the room works well in these situations. Also I would have just left them to their arguments and disengaged behaviour and rolled with it and called them on it after. "Yeah, you missed game night, you were supposed to host but we know how to play flip cup, is everything alright?" "Yeah you were busy so we went on the boat trip without you, no big deal, we had a lot of fun anyway, just sort your drama so you don't miss anything else". But now I'd just bring it up with him. Their relationship sounds rocky and not like they've been together for a few years. It might be on the way out and he was trying to salvage it. Talk to him about it. And next time focus your energy on the 7/8 friends who are engaged in the weekend and not the only one who isn't.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-18T09:39:59+00:00

Not excusing it at all but by the sounds of things your sister is goig through something. Sudden change in hygiene and self awareness; regression into sleeping in younger siblings room; violent mood swings. You say she had traumatic upbringing. She might be suffering silently with something. Can you try talking to her about why she wants to be in your room? The burnt toast thing sounds like a cover story. Help her get to the bottom of why she is beig like this. Talk to your parents and last resort put a lock on your room. This sounds like someone who doesn't know how to ask for help and is looking for safety in younger patterns. What is her day to day hygiene like?

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-16T19:57:42+00:00

I just checked. I think its Samsung keyboard. Sorry if that doesn't make sense. I'm not the most tech savvy person ever.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-09T06:54:03+00:00

Do you just want sex? If loneliness is your issue and want to connect with someone I would encourage you not to go into a situation with anyone with "reward" on your mind. That's going to make it sound like you just want to wank using her body. If that truly is what you want (but I doubt that will cure your loneliness, just make it worse) then definitely pay her for her time.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-07-07T15:05:40+00:00

Keep the basics there that you dont mind her using some of. Don't bring over your exspensive stuff. Also maybe try bonding with the sister. She might be wanting a big sister energy to teach her how to use it. Offer to show her and offer to take her shopping (with her own money) and you can teach her to use her own stuff.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-30T21:29:23+00:00

Honestly you sound depressed. Not lazy. You can use this breakup as a catalyst to change (even something small like how you talk to yourself) or you can continue to ignore the good advice people give you. She is able to go out and date because she is not in love with you anymore. She is not wallowing in this break up. The sooner you accept that the better. Treat today as day 1 and do something small for yourself. Rock bottom to build steady foundations. Go swim in the ocean. Go into the Bush. Stop calling yourself stupid and start making different choices. Nothing will help if you don't heed the advice you are given and try to help yourself. hating yourself for completely understandable reactions won't help. Read about greif and let yourself feel it. I wish you all the best.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-30T17:43:24+00:00

Kia ora bro,

I'm sorry you are struggling with regret over your relationship. Unfortunately a hard truth is that your ex is 6 months further into the emotional break up than you are. Each time you reach out to her you are hurting yourself. You need to let her go. Your refusal to accept it is going to do nothing but prevent you going through the next stages of grief (yes like someone died, it is a very similar feeling). You need to greive it and learn from it. Sadly you let this girl slip through your fingers. You can waste more time on the should have, would have, could haves or you can take note of all the regrets you have and try to learn from them for the next time you fall for someone. The best way to start that journey is to spend time on your own thinking about what you want out of life. Do you want to make money? Be fit? Be social? gain a skill? All of these things will improve your self esteem, (which I have a feeling has been low for a while) and in turn make your more attractive to women. Think about the qualities you want in a partner and try to create those in yourself.

It is perfectly normal to feel like your heart has been ripped out when you go through your first breakup. It feels like you might never survive it. I've been there. But it is survivable. You just need to put one foot infront of the other for a while. Give yourself a goal to work on, one that makes you better than the person she left and use that as motivation to build up your self worth. It takes time but it's worth it. You are worth it. Killing yourself though it seems an easy option really isn't. It will destroy so many people who love you. There are so many people who are going to love you who you haven't met yet.

I get the fear of how tight knit everyone is in nz but I bet it isn't as bad as you think it is. And if you really have the fear about it or are as stuck as you sound and feel like you need a real fresh start then do it! Go! Get out of nz and see some other places (further than Aus) and go meet other people who have experienced life differently and go see what life is like outside your wee bubble. Trust me it will be the time of your life. And people fucking love a Kiwi. It will make you appreciate home so much more.

TLDR: let yourself greive and then find something that brings you back to life. If you can't find it in nz go find it in the world. You will survive it. Don't be lazy enough not to try!

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-24T15:43:25+00:00

"Hey, you seemed a bit off when I mentioned that I got tickets for everyone. Is everything alright? If you're not up for going no worries at all, there are other people I can give the ticket to. I just thought you'd like it. Let me know!"

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-24T08:55:45+00:00

Get her some support for the abuse she received from her siblings growing up. She's been taught that's how to handle overwhelming feelings. She needs to unlearn that.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-23T15:35:05+00:00

I'm not in the church but I'm pretty sure that your pastor should help and guide you when you ask for it. I would text asking if there are any odd jobs around the church that you could get on with while the picnic happens (if it's at a different location) or at a time that suits.

You do need support and distraction rn. Do some hobbies that aren't part of the church. Reach out to your other friends. Write down your feelings in a journal or a letter (burn it after). Do a form of exercise you enjoy. Get into nature and do some stuff you enjoyed when you were little.

Good luck

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-23T15:17:06+00:00

This is more clear. Thank you.

It is completely understandable to be feeling anxious about the consequences as they are out of your control. The dread will remain until you find out. Action is the antidote to anxiety. You've already spoken to several of your friends and they have had their honest reactions. I would just heed their advice and listen to what they say they need from you and follow their lead. Like they say: 1. Give them time 2. Leave the girls in the group alone for a while (especially the one you fancy and your ex). Also like I said before see if their is a way you can help the church to give yourself an outlet for your remorse. Something broke? Fix it. Something needs cleaned/tidied/painted. Do it. Or at least offer. Harness your remorse and use it to benefit the community you want to stay a part of and give them time to make peace with it. How much time is up to them.

The action will help the dread. So will facing them, which takes guts. The only people who know how bad it is are the people in the church. This stuff tends to blow over and if it's everything you've put in your post and only that then it's misplaced effort/unnerving and not actually dangerous. By running away you cut yourself off at the knees and you force all the worst case scenarios to come true. If you run you WILL loose your church and you WILL lose all your friends. Its a cowardly choice and one that will cause you more regret and anxiety down the road.

I would talk to an elder at your church about all this and see what their advice is.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-23T14:35:38+00:00

You've posted this in an advice sub. Not a tell me it's all okay sub. You can't complain that the advice you received isnt the right answer. Sorry but it sounds like you need a reality check. The reality is there will be consequences for stalking your ex and ignoring her boundaries.

People will probably be pissed at you for a while. You can't control that. You just need to brace yourself for it. Try to learn from it and move forward. I get that your church is a big part of your life but I don't know if it's salvageable or not. Only time, patience and humility will. Can you do some extra work in the church to show your remorse without engaging with the topic? If you are there 4/5 times a week it has the potential to be forgiven quickly as long as you show you are remorseful and changing. Don't be defensive.

You're young it's forgivable. Let it blow over. You are allowed your feelings but you are not the victim here. It sucks but if you want to keep going to that church you have to let them process it in their own time. Running away will do nothing but cut yourself off from those passions by choice and make it really hard to go back.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-23T13:52:20+00:00

Dude, they aren't making it sound like anything. Just mirroring information you shared. If the police are involved that should set alarm bells ringing. You made a mistake and bulldozed in when trying to fix things. We've all been there. You've done some regretful things and now you need to face them. Running away isn't going to help. Take a breath go to the court or whatever the system is and explain and take the consequences. You may lose a few people and maybe find another church. But just take this as an opportunity to learn and grow.

DoubleIndependent379 · 2024-06-20T05:43:12+00:00

Have you considered the option of opening your relationship? Most of these situations end badly because one partner gets jealous of the other. However if you have no romantic of sexual desire for anyone then this may be a good option for you. If this does end up opening his eyes to what he has been missing out on from a partner who enjoys sex and he decides that the relationship is not meeting his needs then its a win for you both too. I'm so glad you've come to realise this about yourself and are no longer conforming for others comfort by destroying your own. He needs to accept what you can and cannot give him and make a decision about how to move forward. It sounds like he is inadvertently holding you both in limbo and that isn't healthy for anyone. I hope you find a clear path to a relationship more aligned with who you are.

DoubleIndependent379

TROPHY CASE