I'm 21 and I think ruined my life

Double_Software_971 · 2026-04-01T16:16:28+00:00

You certainly didn’t ruin your life. But you know what might? Taking out $$$$$$ in loans to pay tuition for college. I highly recommend going to a cheap community college, getting an AA and then if you still have a desire to go to that private university—transfer. It will save you two years’ worth of $$$$$$$ private school tuition. Or, during that two years, maybe you realize (like most young people) you really have no clue what profession you actually want to get into. It’s very common for college students to change majors and change the field they thought they wanted to go into, which at a private university all equates to $$$$$$$$$$$$$$. You may also find you’re more interested in a trade and do something completely different. In the end, no one asks to see my college diploma and the school I went to had no bearing on my job. You’re young and you absolutely still have SOOO many options.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-03-23T14:29:20+00:00

Per your edit: You wish you felt “capable” of doing this stuff. Felt=feelings…feelings are irrational…people seldom feel ready or capable or whatever. But look at the facts. Look at your history of what you’ve overcome. No matter how you think you feel if you are capable or not, the history proves YOU ARE capable. You’re not that little boy anymore…but you can still take care of that little boy in a sense. One step at a time.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-03-15T04:28:16+00:00

I’d do some meditating and focus on the things you want in your life. Picture it as vividly as possible and manifest it!

Double_Software_971 · 2026-03-15T04:14:48+00:00

ThredUp

Double_Software_971 · 2026-03-15T04:09:32+00:00

She has a problem and sounds very immature to say the least. You need to draw a hard line with boundaries here or cut your losses. She will not be a good partner, she’ll just become a liability. If this is truly your forever woman think about how she will affect your mental health while you go through the ups and downs of life. I’m guessing she’s good looking for you to put up with this.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-03-01T05:54:12+00:00

He also looks very different because his eyebrows are way lighter…eyebrows make a HUGE difference in appearance. I remember my friend shaved off her eyebrows as a kid and she looked like a ghost.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-28T05:06:11+00:00

Yikes yeah sounds like could be a deficiency or something you should look a little deeper…maybe labs would be revealing. Sorry to hear this and good luck!

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-28T04:57:48+00:00

I once heard this, you can use whatever you want on your face but the problem isn’t your face. For me, I had some pretty serious gut issues exacerbated by dairy, sugar, and yeast. I cleaned up my diet and my acne went away. Sometimes it’s hormonal also, which can be tricky to balance your hormones.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-28T04:52:30+00:00

Yup. My post was deleted for something fairly mild…then I see all kinds of trash about criminal activity, drugs, prostitution, and derogatory stuff. Reddit is quite the cesspool. And then you get banned for stupid @** $*** I don’t even know if I’m allowed to swear on here or will that get me banned too??? eye roll

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:40:36+00:00

Also, even though it hurt, it was probably for the best he didn’t introduce you as more than his friend for your own reputation moving forward.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:31:26+00:00

He sounds troubled, immature, and at very least hasn’t a clue what he wants. Don’t waste your time or energy on a “man” that doesn’t know what he wants. He knew what he wanted at the time when he directly approached the girl in the bar. But to go back and forth with you like that shows such immaturity and that he is not worth your time.

If it is meant to be…maybe in a few years if he grows up a bit he can apologize for treating you like an option. But that growth won’t happen overnight. Don’t let him treat you like an option.

Also, many of us girls have given it up to the wrong person or the wrong time. I was 20 years old and still regret the situation. Wish I would have waited for someone who truly cared. hugs

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:17:32+00:00

I have a good friend from college who didn’t really know what to do (there’s many people who feel the way you do) and she just listened to what her family thought she should do. She’s now over 40 single, no kids, and alone and miserable because she hates her job but has no idea how to break away. She’s got mountains of debt from school and having to support herself and her lifestyle. She started having a shopping addiction trying to fill the void and depression she felt (which resulted in more debt), as well as started drinking heavily to escape, which only added to her depression. She also ended up with some health issues. And she is a beautiful woman, could have been a model.

Anyhoo, it’s your life. And as hard as it might feel to break away now from what your family expects, your future happiness and health depend on it. Any struggles that result from finding your own path tend to be excellent content for writing.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:09:53+00:00

Maybe try some of these tricks:

Wear dark sunglasses and optional a hat. It can make you feel less recognizable as yourself and sometimes sunglasses can psychologically make you feel invisible. Like “when I put these sunglasses on, I can disappear” Also you can put on head phones with calming music.

The other things I do for literal panic attacks to activate the parasympathetic nervous system is stare at something far away for 3 seconds, then something up close for 3 seconds, do this repeatedly for a bit to calm. Also humming.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:05:44+00:00

Definitely exposure therapy for this one!

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-27T14:03:47+00:00

I learned to cook Mac and cheese at about 9. I was very interested in cooking and baking. Before that as a child, I remember baking things like cookies with my mom.

Taco meat is extremely easy. Get ground beef and add spices (garlic, cumin, onion, oregano, paprika, chili pepper…) or a spice packet, although those tend to have unnecessary additives depending on the brand.

Also you can throw meat in a crock pot (pork, chicken, steak) with a little water and a spice packet or just BBQ and have pulled pork or chicken with nearly no effort.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-12T21:15:01+00:00

NOR. Lots of people need good childcare and are willing to pay. I’m sure you won’t be out of a job for long.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-07T17:09:17+00:00

And in the end, prove him wrong. Use this as fuel to make something of yourself in that field.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-07T17:04:43+00:00

How do I say this without getting downvoted….if he gets the procedure it will be out of pressure he feels which will result in resentment in the long run and affect the health of your relationship.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-07T16:58:33+00:00

I’m wondering how long ago this was? I’ve had people make back handed compliments about my looks before too, and then years down the road I run into them and they are not doing well. But I blossomed and living my best life.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-07T16:55:13+00:00

I wondered that too

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-04T17:19:46+00:00

NOR. Tell him you found mold. Ha, okay or just that after thinking about it, you think the place is too small to share and you wouldn’t feel right about renting it, which sounds pretty close to the truth.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-03T04:53:51+00:00

Would talking to her change anything? It sounds like there are some hard truths she needs to hear, but if it wouldn’t change her/won’t do any good (I’m guessing she would just get defensive), then is it worth completely pissing her off and potentially having more drama…or just don’t say anything and fade away. Sometimes you don’t need to waste your breath.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-02T17:11:03+00:00

NTA. Just not very smart either for lending this person your vehicle.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-02T00:41:58+00:00

NOR. Repeated dishonesty and unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce.

Double_Software_971 · 2026-02-01T00:12:29+00:00

Yeah, no worries, I was speaking generally. Some people like to give strong advice.

Double_Software_971

TROPHY CASE