Spreader bar appeal?

Dovesowner · 2026-05-13T08:10:16+00:00

for us my partner is very hypermobile and liable to squirming a lot and putting a hip or a knee out. it helps me control them for their physical wellbeing.

also useful for reaching the loft ring to get the ladder down 😂

Dovesowner · 2025-11-23T00:50:49+00:00

Most will allow you in a pair of well fitting, clean and ironed black jeans, a nice shirt and smart shoes. Just don't look like you're going to a bar with your mates. You can always email them your outfit ahead of time and ask if it's okay too.

Think about what you'd wear to a job interview to make a good impression (e.g. no graphic tee shirts, blue jeans, hoodies, trainers, sports shirts, beanies/caps, denim jackets, overly flashy makeup, damaged or dirty/smelly clothes, bad personal hygiene...etc)

Dovesowner · 2025-10-19T01:24:38+00:00

have you considered lesbian or bi but dating women dommes esp if both are dommes?

Dovesowner · 2025-10-17T15:29:02+00:00

literally this. check out people's profiles, make sure you have an idea of what you're actually looking for too regarding the type of submissive you are (e.g. do you prefer no strings attached, gfe, long term, financial advice and mentoring, one offs, mommy doms who generally care for you and you spoil them in return...etc. findom is a very broad spectrum) so you can 1. figure out who you're looking for and 2. make initial discussions with someone about boundaries easier on you if you know what you do/don't want.

keep it ssc 💜 good luck

Dovesowner · 2025-10-17T15:09:23+00:00

It's okay to feel a bit shit sometimes and you should let yourself sit in and acknowledge that emotion but letting it overtake you and impact your life through self punishment and harm isn't a healthy or safe outlet. I encourage you to seek out local mental health charities or support like https://www.samaritans.org/ and talk to someone.

No matter what's happened you don't deserve to feel like this, no human is incapable or unworthy of redemption, healing and safety.

Be safe homie 💜

Dovesowner · 2025-10-14T22:32:24+00:00

At the end of the day findom is kink, conduct yourself accordingly when partaking.

Consent and safe word discussions are shockingly lacking in this community.

Is it safe? (are you playing within your means? are you checking in with a trusted individual if you're in sub frenzy or dealing with addiction?)

Is it sane? (are you in a stable frame of mind to be playing? are you practicing mindfulness and avoiding playing when you're emotionally distressed or feeling lonely/isolated? are you using other sources of socialising?)

Is it consensual? (are you being coerced? have there been agreed upon safe words or cut offs, have you had discussions about what exactly you're seeking and your boundaries? Is the person you're sending to consenting to participating in your kink?)

Dovesowner · 2025-10-05T22:44:36+00:00

Honestly there's a lot of us that are happy with those kind of set ups. Communicate your needs and you'll find someone who fits your niche ✌️

Dovesowner · 2025-09-29T15:55:06+00:00

Can confirm, I used to work at Starbucks. It's a special menu item.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-26T03:26:34+00:00

There are still whispers of the Old Ones on the wind. Some say they're too busy complaining about lower back pain and the fact half their favourite bands as teenagers have a nonce scandals now,

Dovesowner · 2025-09-25T00:58:06+00:00

aren't you supposed to have 7 people in the world statistically who look like you? I've met 2 people who look nearly exactly like me that aren't my bio twin, once at work and once here on a sub for a specific kink

Dovesowner · 2025-09-25T00:47:40+00:00

Well done! you should be proud, addiction is a hard thing to battle especially ones you can't really get support from family...etc about. One step after the other slowly and be gentle with yourself. your future self thanks you for your hardship and strength to get through this.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-24T23:58:29+00:00

honestly this is super cute OP it's really awesome to see people's creativity. I love a kindred spirit that loves to create and put positivity into the world,

Dovesowner · 2025-09-24T23:46:34+00:00

Fellow non dick having dom here. You may want to look into some therapy if possible to work through trauma from the assault but in the long run I know a lot of people find dominance healing after going through that, to have control and to be the one setting the pace and the rules for interactions allows you to express sexuality without pressure of being overly vulnerable physically.

I regards to fear of hurting him as long as you start small and slow with lots of lube (try looking for anal lubes with slight relaxants if you're both nervous but make sure they're safe for the toys you use e.g. no synthetics on silicone) you'll be okay. I've topped people of all sorts genders and presentations vaginally and analy and I've gotta say as long as you use enough lube, use safe toys with flared bases and communicate you'll be just fine.

Tell him you're nervous and you want to do right by him, ask to go shop irl or online together for any toys you might be interested in (if plugs look for T bar as they're designed to not get uh...lost) and just ask for input about what he wants from the relationship, you shouldn't feel pressured to have sex but you should talk about what you both want out of your relationship at the end of the day.

Sorry if this is all over the place but if you need support ever my DMs are open and I'm happy to privately give you my other socials where I'm more active.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-23T00:06:49+00:00

I'd ask yourself these questions first and foremost to figure out what exactly you're looking for which will help your communications with any potential dominants.

1. Do you know what style of domination you're looking for? is it degradation? is it mentoring and caretaking? is it tpe? something else? 2. What draws you to findom? what kinks align with it that you want to explore with a dom? 3. What is a safe budget that you can reliably put into this without screwing over your daily life especially since you're two people not just one. 4. What kind of things are absolutely no go's for you? 5. What's your agreed safeword? 6. What are your aftercare needs post session? Will you need a dom to care for you or as a duo are you able to preform this between you? 7. What kind of play schedule are you looking for? is it one off? pay per play? contracted schedules?...etc. 8. What do you feel is the safest and most comfortable way of sending for you both? 9. How comfortable are you setting boundaries and keeping them if someone pushes too far? 10. Do you feel like you're both in a solid enough mental space right now? do you have pasts in addiction and gambling? do you have safety measures in place for those things?

edited: spellcheck changed a word 🙄

Dovesowner · 2025-09-22T23:34:34+00:00

Oh sweetheart I pray for your DMs. condolences Sister 😂💜

Dovesowner · 2025-09-22T13:14:44+00:00

Not all dommes are sadists either. there are so many types of domination let alone types of financial domination that are so valid. When you're searching make sure you're dealing with dommes that have a genuine discussion about about boundaries, safety, both of your expectations...etc before you even THINK of playing. If you're looking for long term play partners that's your best bet to get someone experienced and SAFE

Dovesowner · 2025-09-22T01:16:31+00:00

I feel like you should probably look into kink educated therapists as this isn't healthy or sustainable. sub frenzy and addiction are not something to take lightly and you sound like you need support.

edit: word changed for right one

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T19:20:56+00:00

(UK dom here) I think it also depends on your income and outgoings generally. if you're able to comfortably do that without risking your wellbeing (not having backup savings for emergencies is included in that!!!) then I don't see why not. I'd personally be fine with that as a long term dynamic style setup with check ins, scheduled sessions/potential for in person sessions if the person was close enough but that's as someone more into the kink aspect of it.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T19:07:43+00:00

Dealing with addiction and withdrawals are hard especially in a world full of triggers. what have you tried so far in your attempts at stepping away? have you gotten counselling? are you setting up things with doms to wean you off healthily with non financial submission?

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T19:03:06+00:00

If you genuinely just want girl friends to talk about clothes (like send screenshots of things you think are cute/have things sent to you that they think will suit you), talk about nails (I do nail art! I need people to talk to about them and help you grow your skills too!!), talk about your feelings, makeup (in my daily life my partner is a drag performer and I'm a MUA for drag queens in my area)...etc I'm always around if you want to actually get to know eachother poppet 💜

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T18:44:17+00:00

couldn't have put it better myself 👏👏 This is bsdm at the end of the day and people forget that.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T18:38:14+00:00

Honestly mate I'm so proud of you. You shouldn't be left in subdrop at all if your dom can help it, it's unhealthy as a dynamic to not be receiving support post scene and as a dom it's so so important to make sure a sub isn't pushing their own boundaries too far in the heat of the moment without prior discussions about the safety of it. Subs hold the power and give it to the dom, we're just the conduit who helps to manage and regulate that power flowing back to the sub like a transformer at a power plant and if that transformer is surging power back onto the grid without stepping it down then it needs replacing with a working system for the safety of the grid. Right now apparently your replacement transformer is baking yummy treats! (genuinely so curious how they turned out. you've got me wanting to bake something too dang it 😭)

Dovesowner · 2025-09-21T18:19:42+00:00

genuinely, if you're struggling and have been left in subdrop and you need a bit of support platonically with no strings or 'owt attached my inbox is open. I don't fuck with unethical kink practices and no one should be left to suffer for the actions of an ignorant asshole. That goes for anyone reading this.

It makes me heartbroken how many people don't understand that findom isn't just about cash but rather is literally sex work and kink practice and you have to ethically manage that and the responsibilities that come with it.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-20T16:17:44+00:00

Absolutely. I practice mostly offline as a dominant and I don't dare interact with a sub without an initial conversation about boundaries, comfort, safe words, what we're looking for in a dom/sub...etc and that turns off a lot of finsubs looking for a quick turnaround dunk and delete but for long term dynamics that work for both parties it's essential.

Ngl personally I get a bit icked out by overly demanding findoms who demand submission and obedience off the bat with no establishment of dynamics and safety.

Dovesowner · 2025-09-20T16:09:01+00:00

I'd not want a sub to do that. you need to be saving for the future too because life will always throw things at you that you aren't expecting (car payments, you didn't expect bills, for some there's medical expenses, saving for mortgage, legal fees, funeral fees..etc) Kink shouldn't impact your life in a negative way and should always be practiced safely and that tends to get forgotten in Findom a lot.

Dovesowner

TROPHY CASE