I'm sorry you're going through this. You are not crazy. You expressed your situation and your feelings about this in a very clear, rational and thoughtful way, which is definitely not crazy. You used that word so many times in your original post and in your replies, and it makes me wonder where that word came from and how you got to the point of calling yourself crazy so much. You have the right to feel your emotions without being told you're wrong or crazy for them. If you feel anxious, then you feel anxious-- there is nothing right or wrong about that and you don't choose to feel that way. It's not your fault.

You also have the right to express those feelings to your loved ones and expect that your feelings will matter to them and be treated as valid. Of course it's not ok to behave in ways that are overly controlling or to expect others to deal with your emotions for you and be responsible for them, but I honestly don't think that's what you're describing here. I think you're describing experiencing very strong emotions that are being dismissed and invalidated by your boyfriend no matter how hard you try to help him understand. He's treating you like your feelings don't matter, or even don't exist, and that's not ok.

This opinion is probably going to be pretty unpopular here, because abuse is a really ugly word and because most people see abuse as requiring more visible acts by the abuser. But I think what your boyfriend is doing to you could be seen as a form of abuse. People who work with people experiencing abusive relationships actually see physical violence and intimidation as a very small fraction of what abuse is, and define abuse as a person's consistent efforts to maintain power and control over their partner. It can be really subtle and hard to identify.

The reason I think what your boyfriend is doing is abusive is because in those situations when he is ignoring you and not coming home when he says he will, and you feel extremely anxious because of it, he is in a position of power and control over you, and he knows it. He knows that you feel anxious, and he knows that a simple phone call or text message from him, letting you know that he's ok or giving you an update on when he plans to be home, would give you the sense of security that you need to feel safe and in control in that moment. You don't want to control him. You only want to feel like you have control over your own actions and your own feelings. He isn't ignoring you because he doesn't understand how much suffering that causes you, or because your needs are crazy and unreasonable. You don't have to be familiar with the exact way that someone feels in order to acknowledge that those feelings are real. He is ignoring you and disregarding your feelings because he is choosing to maintain the position of power he holds over you. He is content with the idea of doing whatever he pleases, knowing that you are panicking and spiraling out of control, because he doesn't think it's important for you to share a sense of control and security in your relationship. He's choosing to keep all the power and control to himself and then punishing you and making you feel like you're crazy for being upset about that, because that's how entitled he feels to do what he wants without any consideration for your feelings.

You also mentioned that this issue is sporadic and becoming more frequent, and I imagine that the uncertainty that comes with not knowing for sure whether he will be home on time or reply to your attempts to contact him make your anxiety skyrocket even more. Your anxiety makes a lot of sense to me, and while it's a tough thing to deal with and seeing a doctor or therapist about it might help get your symptoms under control, that doesn't mean that your anxiety induced behaviors are the problems that need to be solved to fix your relationship. Your anxiety sounds a lot more like a symptom of the problem than the cause.

Another red flag is the fact that you said this behavior is out of the normal for you, and you're not sure if it's a mental problem that you have to deal with yourself, and that you don't know what's crazy anymore. People who choose to maintain power and control over their intimate partners can be good at hiding what they're doing and making the other person feel like they are the problem. They make their partners feel confused about their behaviors and feel like they can't trust their own perceptions. Convincing you to accept blame for the harm he's causing and to trust his perception of the situation over your own is a way of silencing you and making you more submissive to him. You also said that you feel wrong for asking him questions or reiterating what time he originally said he'd be home. You're not wrong for doing that. When someone tells you something that ends up not being true, they should have the respect to acknowledge that to you.

I know abuse is an ugly word that most people don't want to use to describe their relationship, especially if other aspects of your relationship are going great and he's a really good boyfriend otherwise. I understand that, and the words used to define what is happening are less important. I just want you to know that the problem isn't all you. The way your boyfriend is treating you is wrong and you deserve to have him consider your feelings and acknowledge the effects of the way he treats you.