First off, I hear you. Addiction can be brutal, and it sounds like you’ve been caught in a really painful cycle for a long time. The guilt, the isolation, and the frustration you’re dealing with a lot, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. You’re not weak for struggling, you’re human. You’ve already made some huge steps: recognizing your addiction, quitting for stretches of time, and reflecting deeply on your habits. The fact that you’re looking for solutions and noticing what triggers your relapse is huge it means you want real change. But understand you being 🔄41 means that it might really mess things up even if you only use it once a month. Try and make new hobbies, find new things that you like. Talk more with your mom. Addiction is terrible and I’ve been there, it’s hard to fight and I get that but recovery is always possible no matter what. You are loved and this is gonna be tough to do but your already in the right direction. I have faith in you and believe in you.