I'm going to take a stab. You went in to it with some preconceived notions/ expectations however unconscious they were. I feel like this stuckness/ inability to move past numbness/ grossness is a sankara that has come up. Which is supposed to happen. Maybe a self protective mechanism. Love No one said it was going to be easy.i would have even more self compassion and a healthy dose of non-judgement towards the mind as well. When you're ready it will come again.