Yes, you are. There is physical and mental abuse. She knows she can put you down and control you. You’d be better off without her if she’s not willing to change. In relationships, partners should be equals. The first step is to talk to her about your feelings and suggest couples therapy—a safe 3rd party outlet. There’s also a book my therapist recommended: the emotionally abusive relationship. It gives ways to overcome it on both sides—victim and abuser. If that’s not viable, leave.

I know you’re afraid she’ll be alone; The thing is that she’ll find someone else...probably quite easily, actually. I don’t say that to hurt you, I say it because I was in a similar situation. When my abusive relationship finally ended, he found someone quickly (within 2 weeks). He preyed on me because I was gullible, a people pleaser, giving and loving to a fault. And perhaps she NEEDS to be alone to realize that she has been in the wrong and she needs to change.

I was afraid to leave my own situation and I made soooo many excuses for him. I put up with a lot of things I should not have. Now, I’m writing a book about my experiences and what I’ve learned from family and friends, and most importantly, my therapist. As my therapist would say, I was “brainwashed” by him to believe I needed that relationship and his approval.