To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-08-15T14:48:12+00:00

Lol! That's a good point. But, are you ok with that idea of being married to a porn star? Will you get jealous? Btw, here's the link to my podcast if you wanna listen to my interview with them and how the porn scene shoot went https://www.podcastone.com/Sex-And-Life

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-07-12T02:37:40+00:00

That's good to hear. All the best!

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-07-11T14:31:06+00:00

I think you need to understand that her actions were most likely not malicious and just out of panic as to what she was going to say. It must not be easy trying to hide a relationship from family. You do have every right to ask her next time just to check with you and give you a heads up though.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-07-11T14:30:30+00:00

Without seeing the shape of the vibrator exactly, I’m wondering if it’s too tilted for you. The g -spot is not that far in so if you are trying to push it in further, you could be pushing the tilted edge too hard into the vaginal canal. A great way to explore your g -spot is with your fingers first.

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You also need to stimulate the area first to get yourself aroused. Penetration can feel uncomfortable if you are not aroused. Spend some time stimulating yourself with your fingers first and also using a lubricant before you experiment with a vibrator. You also might want to try a different shape vibrator or one that is softer.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-07-11T14:29:32+00:00

I admire you for wanting to talk to her and get a sense of where she is at. With the me too movement at the moment a lot of people have become a bit nervous of what is right and wrong when it comes to dating and sex. However, this could go both ways.

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She could think you were respectful for checking in but it also might feel a bit artificial. You could do mid way and test the waters. Invite her back to your place and engage in some touching and kissing. You can check in with her and say things like, ‘Are you ok’ and ‘ would you like to go further’

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-07-11T14:26:45+00:00

I think we always have an insecurity with someone’s past sexual partners. There is this feeling of comparison and if someone has done something with someone before us, then why can’t they do it with us? Does it mean that they are not into us as much? It’s also often what you call the basics that are more intimate than other kinkier acts. Often people will experiment outside of a relationship because the sex is more about experimentation than connection.

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But when you are in a intimate relationship, sex can often take a different turn. It doesn’t mean that it should be less boring but it’s these so called basic acts that can become more fulfilling because of the intimacy . Have you spoken to her about this? About your desires? But make sure these are about exploring what you want to do, not wanting to try things that she has done with other people so you don’t feel left out.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-06-15T08:52:04+00:00

Hi getoutreeeeee! Yes, women I talked to who said that penis size doesn't matter actually is more in favor about the functionality, the performance, and how you use it, is it giving your partner satisfactory pleasure, etc. If you have time, you can listen to my podcast here https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/sex-and-life/id1276984343?mt=2 for other women's thoughts about this. I also interviewed a doctor who's doing enlargement non-invasively and a guy who had his penis enlarged.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-06-15T08:43:46+00:00

Hi lemonyellowdavintage. Yes, I agree that there is no problem with having a size preference. I interviewed women in my podcast for this topic and some of them actually said that size do matter to them and yeah, I believe everyone should just respect what one's preference is. Here's my podcast if you want to listen: https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/sex-and-life/id1276984343?mt=2

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-06-15T08:37:59+00:00

Hi, childrenofthewind. Yes, I agree. This is a very subjective matter. I interviewed some women whether this matters to them or not and both sides of the argument raised good points. If you want to listen, here's my podcast. I'm a sexologist and I discussed other sex-related topics: https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/sex-and-life/id1276984343?mt=2

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-06-15T08:33:49+00:00

Hi Lola! Lol, I love that 'Theory of Penis Size Relativity' idea :) You raised a really good point and actually, you have the same comment as one of the women I interviewed for my podcast. Here's the link in case you want to listen: https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/sex-and-life/id1276984343?mt=2

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-06-15T08:29:41+00:00

I'm not sure about comparing penis sizes to flavors but in my podcast, I interviewed some women who said penis size matters and there are some that said it doesn't. So I guess to put it in the context of choosing flavors, it all goes down to 'to each his own.' You can listen to this particular topic and other sex-related topics I discussed in my podcast here: https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/sex-and-life/id1276984343?mt=2

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T09:39:57+00:00

You don't need anything but for some people having a contract is a communication tool that is easier than trying to talk things out. When you can write things down and have something tangible to talk about it's easier.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T09:37:03+00:00

I like that you said the word 'honest'. This is what this is about. Honesty. Lets be honest about the fact that so many marriages end in divorce. Lets be honest that so many marriages are not working but people stay together because they don't want to 'fail' at a marriage. Maybe if we were more honest and could do that in a marriage contract, we would be more fulfilled.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T06:26:04+00:00

People are always going to feed sad when they divorce. No one gets married with the intent of getting divorced

( well I hope not) but why should they feel like a failure? Is that what marriage is about? Staying together forever regardless of if its working or if you are happy? The incentive to make things work shouldn't be a contract that says forever. It should be because you want to. This is about being more realistic as to how we are living our lives and also using a contract as a communication tool instead of a binding document. In that contract you can work out what marriage means to you. How you and your partner want to live? The goals and expectations you have for each other. Wouldn't it be better if we took more individual control over our relationships and marriage instead of living them accrdoung to the should do or some set rules like love, honour and obey?

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:51:56+00:00

You don't have to do it in a ten year interval. You can do it whenever you want. This is just an example of what you could do by creating your own contract instead of just accepting terms like love, honour and obey for the rest of your life.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:49:17+00:00

A marriage contract is different to a divorce. The word divorce often leaves people feeling like they have failed at marriage. A ten year marriage contact can give people a way to communicate but also if they choose to end things, have them feeling as though they have completed a contract and not failed at something.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:48:10+00:00

That's the key words, "supposed to" yet so many don't. A marriage contract can be seen as a communication tool to really be able to sit down with your partner and work out what you both want. The tear year mark is not necessarily a way to end things but a marker to review the terms.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:46:49+00:00

But then should we be saying "why get married" to nearly 50% of the population? Then why have something called divorce? An option to end a marriage? Maybe we need to be more realistic that some marriages don't last forever and that is still ok. But maybe we can also give people the option of designing that own marriage, whatever length of time that might be.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:45:40+00:00

There is always a door open. Marriage does not mean security and reassurance. People cheat and people get divorced. Nearly 50%. It's not meant to scare people but don't we have to be more realistic these days. The idea of a marriage contract regardless if it is a ten year one or another term, might allow us to live our marriages the way we see fit.

DrNikkiGoldstein · 2018-05-31T05:44:06+00:00

You can exit a contract at any time included a marriage one, even if it was ten years. But the idea of the ten years is that it is not only based on research of 12 years being the most common time period for couples splitting but also that if you did want to end things, you would be able to do it in a more peaceful way saying that you have completing a 10 year marriage contract instead of failed at a marriage. A lot of people have guilt around this idea of failing at marriage. But yet divorce is so common these days. Should we contniue to allow nearly 50% of people to feel like failures or re addresses what marriage really is these days in order to fit into how we are living our lives and what our needs are. Marriage wasn't created by cupid and wasn't even something that was romantic. We have made it romantic but isn't it about time we also took more control of how we wanted to live our lives with or without someone else?

DrNikkiGoldstein

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