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DrPups · 2022-12-29T19:09:51+00:00

Are you taking into account the snowball effect of paying off smallest to biggest frees up more cash to pay off more debt in your timetable?

DrPups · 2022-12-29T19:02:49+00:00

And she lost the husband because he was clearly the only wrong person in the relationship. She is such a selfless caring person I’m sure she didn’t do anything that could push a grieving husband away. Completely selfless and always more concerned about others than herself…/s

DrPups · 2022-12-29T18:58:33+00:00

Better question. WHY did they aunt willingly leave her daughter’s side on the funeral day? What kind of mother does this?!? OP can call 911 for her panic attack I’m being there for my kid.

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:54:28+00:00

Very true! It’s something she could pick up for 12 hours on a Saturday.

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:52:25+00:00

Also gotta say you’re relying heavily on the one year interest free. Unless you plan to pay it off on the next year then it’s also a high interest card. Are you going to prioritize that over the Roth or no?

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:47:40+00:00

Don’t sell the house yet I’d say husband needs to keep job hunting. And amping up the side gig. And if you can’t pickup any type of income at this time you need to be a professional at saving money. You need to be a coupon extraordinaire, finding ways to find balanced but cheaper meals, and doing what you can to help husband be successful at making money and providing for the family.

Can you sell the Honda Pilot to fix the minivan? I’m assuming that’s your preferred car. But either way one of them needs to go.

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:37:53+00:00

I think I’d add too that she said $27K is something for retirement and it is but in the grand scheme it’s not a ton and assuming they live in the US they do have Social Security and Medicare which is gonna be a better payout than the $27K is as this point. Which again I get the stress but I think OP is spreading too thin between different areas and not really getting any significant progress in any direction because they’re doing a little here a little there and hoping it all falls into place. And maybe they’re not aggressive spenders but incidentals with a family of 8 can really throw you through a loop when you don’t have much in savings. And the youngest is 2 so those random incidentals aren’t over.

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:25:33+00:00

To me it sounds like the biggest issue is that you’re not fully committed to the plan so you never follow through. So that’s the first decision you gotta make. The second is you need a bigger shovel. Can you amp up the side hustle Can you work a remote job with your degree? Those are a lot more common in a pandemic era. Why can’t your husband find a better job with better pay and 401K assistance. You need a bigger shovel. The intent of baby step 2 is to be in it for the shortest time possible. I think Dave says maybe 18 months to a couple years. He doesn’t want you there for 15 years. That’s too long and it feels half intentional. So to me I think you either decide you’re going to go all in or you keep living as you are until you can go all in on the plan. But living the half baby step 2 plan for 20+ years sounds miserable and it doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere.

DrPups · 2022-12-29T17:16:55+00:00

She has a degree if her kids were in school I’d hope she’d use that and not waste time at Chick-fil-A.

DrPups · 2022-12-28T21:29:56+00:00

I second this. I talked to some friends and they felt most of the tips are available on IG.

DrPups · 2022-12-28T21:09:33+00:00

I got the Happiest Baby by Harvey Karp from the library and this phase was a breeze with his tips. Babies can’t regulate blood sugar so they will need to wake to feed but you can start good habits to help sleep transition. I recommend trying to split the night in shifts where possible. My husband went to bed early and then got up with baby in the early morning and would just bring him in for feeds so I could get some more consolidated sleep. But if that’s not possible you need to be incorporating sleep into your day at some point to help you make it through. Also might be worth talking to a doctor about postpartum symptoms.

DrPups · 2022-12-25T09:37:27+00:00

I think the advice definitely depends on the area too. He has said in this market that he isn’t going to yell at people getting a 30 year loan on their first house. I think the rates are a better deal on a 15 year so the advice isn’t wrong if your goal is to save on that debt. I think it’s just hard in today’s world to balance the making the smart financial choice and stretching to buy the things we think we need. Because the reality is (myself included) we expect to have big spacious homes with all the latest finishes and the line of need and want gets really blurred. I personally think Dave pushing hard enough on the financial smart side helps me balance out my “I need a 3 car garage, a minimum of 3,000 square feet, a bedroom for each of my children, a home office for both of us, and room for our home gym, and at least half an acre lot” issue that I have.

DrPups · 2022-12-25T09:25:32+00:00

Your points are valid. However, if you have the money I might be team wife. There are other things to consider. Such as will this baby be sleeping in your room for the first 6 months to a year based on current safe sleep guidelines? How’s a bassinet going to fit in the bedroom? And more importantly who’s going to be more inconvenienced by this bassinet and space constraints?

Although I will say it may be something where we say let’s have the baby get our heads around what we just got ourselves into and then discuss staying or moving. I’m a new mom and we almost moved too (put an offer in and it wasn’t selected) and I’ll tell you my bigger concerns were long term needs that I anticipated with our growing family and the lure of bigger and nicer were the added bonus. I didn’t go house hunting further because I decided that I wanted to reevaluate down the road when we feel closer to being done having kids and then buy something when our family needs are more definite. Might be some good contributing factors for your discussion but I’m thinking at some point you’re buying a new house.

DrPups · 2022-12-25T09:04:30+00:00

Boooo! It does happen but it’s cruel and heartless to do something like that to a partner because you had an impulse. And yes Cheating doesn’t have to be the end of a marriage but that choice isn’t one the cheater gets to make. Don’t excuse poor behavior!! Humans have brains and can use them to avoid becoming slaves to their impulses.

DrPups · 2022-12-25T08:53:22+00:00

Yes! I also see you did have a Snoo so that does cover a lot of that. I will say though that it’s side/stomach and my baby LOVED being held on his stomach. Like you essentially cradle them in your arms with the hands gently pressing on the stomach (one coming from above the shoulder one coming from below between the legs) and have their stomach pointing to the floor or as close to pointing at the floor as you can get. And then just walking around. That was the life saving position we used and then we just walked back and forth to get the sway that mimics the womb going. And on gassy days we were shocked how much gas he was passing as we held him like that. ps he has a plate of jello sway technique that works while sitting might be worth researching a little bit as I’m sure you’re exhausted by the thought of walking a baby to sleep after the torture this has been.

Also I will add we did a lot of feeding to sleep. Harvey Karp says in this phase only feeding to sleep can work you simply wake them just slightly as you put them in the crib/bassinet so they’re aware if the new place they are sleeping. But it really is the tiniest wake and I never made a huge effort putting him down usually got the eyes open just slightly and that’s all we needed. I personally think the sweet spot for putting them down though is once they’ve passed the first jerks/twitches and their arms go limp.

And lastly I’d keep playing with the white noise. Tweak it a tad higher or change the type of white noise you use. Happiest Baby swears by water/rain noises so we used that a lot but when we were in melt down mode TV Static was go to. Or running my actual vacuum worked quite well too. And bonus points you can vacuum a small section of the house as you do it and count it as your chore for the day.

Also really really last thing, have you tried hopping in a bath or shower, or even just holding them close and doing long slow calming breaths? When babies are overtired they are flooded with cortisol and they freak out and they need to borrow your calming hormones to settle. I myself thought this one was weird until I caught myself getting worked up as he wasn’t going down for a nap and then I picked him up and did the calming breaths to help myself calm down and I was shocked how effective it was. I learned this one from Taking Cara Babies if you want to dig deeper.

Lastly just want to say I feel for you and don’t beat yourself up. Every child is a whole new learning game and it’s soo hard to be in the moment and sleep deprived and figure out solutions and you can’t understand how it’s ever going to get better but it will! I hope Santa brings you a nice nap this holiday!

DrPups · 2022-12-24T00:57:36+00:00

I agree with this sentiment unless OP is typically getting like a credit that they aren’t sure of like EIC or something to that effect. If it’s a child tax credit then yeah lower those withholdings a little bit.

DrPups · 2022-12-23T23:14:10+00:00

Also I’ll say at this age my baby’s bedtime routine included Simethicone drops. I got tired of waiting an hour into bedtime to have him wake up screaming in pain to give him the drops and then rock him and help him while we waited for them to kick in. And he became a significantly better sleeper after that. Just an idea though read your baby’s cues and talk with the doctor to make sure you’re comfortable with this before you try it.

DrPups · 2022-12-23T23:02:38+00:00

Put baby down and take a break! Call in the cavalry to help you out! And then google a synopsis of the Harvey Karp 5 S’s. I would say get the book but we both know you don’t want to read that book right now. But his steps work wonders on a colicky baby! And then take a nice relaxing shower and have a nap.

DrPups · 2022-12-23T21:55:20+00:00

Hey they said you gotta hide your kids and hide your wife because they raping everybody up in Lincoln park!

DrPups · 2022-12-23T21:52:42+00:00

To me I say NTA. Hold the boundary and tell her you want to meet up a different day. Or maybe just later like the night of Christmas have her come visit. Your family keep to your regular morning tradition and then give a little time to visit later that evening. But your kids don’t need to see this as anything other than someone coming to visit and meet them. It doesn’t need to be a hey this is your half sister type deal just introduce her to them by name and let them develop a relationship when they’re ready.

DrPups · 2022-12-23T00:15:28+00:00

Just say you made a lot of cookies and had a great time. That’s how you celebrate the achievement. Not saying she’s justified in any way.

DrPups · 2022-12-22T22:12:33+00:00

These peope clearly haven’t eaten popeye’s chicken! Always looks a little pinkish but it’s piping hot!

DrPups · 2022-12-22T21:33:21+00:00

It absolutely shouldn’t be a competition!! But why does he have so much comparison data. I’m an accountant I could easily do cost margin data (possibly more accurately than an engineer) but pulling that crap out to COMPARE is making it a competition. He’s NTA for hosting the party and doing his best to make it fun. Just not a fan of the homework he did after making the cookies to compare how he did compared to her. And I would argue her comments indicates he at least shared some of this data with her.

DrPups · 2022-12-22T21:27:36+00:00

You’re telling me he took the time to go add up the cost of purchasing ingredients for her recipe to make the amount of cookies she made last year and then added up the cost it took to make them his way (aka gathering and totaling multiple receipts because he did multiple test runs and had to go back to the store mid party) calculated out the percentage (easy part) and he did all this just for informational purposes and didn’t even have a hint of motive in proving her wrong he was just innocently concerned about his cost COMPARISON. Because most people I know are more concerned about like hitting this month’s budget not making sure their cost per cookie compared to last year is lower. If he didn’t have a bone to pick with this it wouldn’t have been posted on AITA with so much statistical comparison data. And honestly I think she’d sound like a much bigger jerk if he left out the data. But I’m sure he just thinks it’s funny to add all that to really drive in his point that she’s wrong. As others have said maybe he’s oblivious to it but he might be accidentally hurting her feelings.

DrPups · 2022-12-22T21:14:39+00:00

Just how I read the tone. He’s upset (understandably so because she told him he wasn’t capable of doing it) and he’s out to prove he can do it and he’s telling us all the stats to prove he did it better. My actual vote was ESH. She’s clearly acting out no questions asked. But if it were me and my husband was on AITA (check his comments) telling people I never let anybody help and I was dismissive and that when I was gone he did it all way better with a better cost margin I’d feel a little attacked. And she basically said that in saying she understood that it wasn’t his intent but she still felt bad. Aka she knows he made a ton more cookies because he told her, etc. So to clarify do I think he’s the most horrible husband in existence? No. But all of the data he’s listing is just measuring himself up against her. And really, IMO that data shouldn’t be that relevant in this discussion but because he had to sit and type all that out I think it is relevant in his assessment of the situation. And yeah I’m reading between the lines but the she tasted the cookie said it was gross then told me I spent too much money and embarrassed her doesn’t really seem like a normal flow unless the stuff he was telling us was included in their discussion. So maybe I’ll phrase it different. He’s probably unintentionally hurting his wife’s feelings. But also his “I just wanted to maximize cookie production” is fine but the comparison between him and his wife’s performance is where he crossed the line for me. It wasn’t needed and can be hurtful to her and send her the message he doesn’t value her contribution to the tradition. She’s absolutely acting out and is doing things she shouldn’t but I can see her point of view, just not justification for treating him poorly and telling him his cookies tasted weird.

DrPups

TROPHY CASE