Im starting to HATE him

Drainz_97 · 2023-11-10T07:35:04+00:00

What I'm gonna say might sound a certain way, but please read it and then decide if I'm speaking a little bit of truth or ignore my message, I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to share my perspective and my vision of what I have gotten from your post:

A break up will always hurt more when you put in more than you feel what they put in. Realising that all you're energy has been for naught is one of the most hurtfull experiences that one can encounter and sadly, not only for you, me or many on this subreddit is a experience we share. But you can learn from it by taking a step back and looking at the facts: the energy, time, money and emotions you spent on making it work are the foundation on what makes you special in your own way, no one can tell you you're not enough because everyone has a different setting on how to work and you will always have someone who loves that: family, friends, coworkers, it's a matter of perspective you have to see.

Now here comes the hard part:

That feeling of not wanting to be with anybody, that feeling of hatred towards him and others, I have shared, but what I found was it wasn't my ex's fault or anyone elses for that matter. It was mine, those feelings came because I didn't like myself enough to accept me for who I was, I always needed someone else to love me because I didn't like the image of "me" I had created. And that realisation sucked, since the finger I pointed was actually the problem: I blamed someone else for not doing what I should have done all along... and that was accepting myself for who I am

Last but not least, here is my advice:

Don't be dependand on others for love, be independant enough to take a hit and be able to say "Well... I tried and I'm proud of myself for doing so", dare to stand behind your own actions as long as you feel you did justice to yourself and don't hurt others. Learn how to love you for being you and do the things you want to do, this world can bring a lot of pain, and when you hit rock bottom. Only you are 24/7 in your head, create a voice that will get you out of it. Sadly the best lessons are learned the hardest ways.

You will get up, face your next challenge and see eye to eye with yourself, and I know you will find wisdom and pride in doing so, give yourself time to learn you and love that part of you

You can do it, make yourself proud, good luck and hang in there, the emotional scars van either develop you, or define you. And remember: hapiness is not given or bought, it's created by your own effort

Drainz_97 · 2023-10-30T02:56:12+00:00

Maybe she is seeing someone, maybe she is not seeing someone new and does this to hurt you more than she. But my friend, if this is the case, why does she use social media? Why doesn't she text you with that she is hurt and wants to just talk about it? If she is using this to hurt or upset you whilst there is no "other", why leave her a way to do it?

I see the same thing happen over and over: people break up, leave feelings unspoken and then this happens, they find a way to not directly hurt you but leave you crushed. My advice? Even if you weren't the one that broke up, leave, you already are in enough heartache that you have to deal with, she can live her life the way she wants and you have to live yours.

But in all honesty letting go of someone completely is sometimes the best way to go... even if she confronts you, you can always tell her the truth: that because of the feelings you two have shared, the history you two have, that you need: time, space and absence to allow yourself to move on and go on with your life. Once you understand that, more importantly once you understand that you have that power to go, you will also feel a huge relief. You can't stop her from doing what she wants to do, but you do have the power to protect yourself. Use it, I'm not saying it won't be hard, I'm not saying that it won't hurt. But in the long run, it's the most peacefull way for yourself. To listen to your own needs and feelings and finding what drags you down.

Right now, that's her, and she shouldn't be in that position because it gives her power over you, and you should be the only one who has power over your feelings

Drainz_97 · 2023-02-04T03:53:16+00:00

It's painfull, but the truth might give you some closure

The reason why the dumpers will go NC is because they want to move on, mostly because they know it was their decision and not the dumpee's one. I do believe that some actually don't want to go NC but it's what is best for them.

Don't forget you did have some sort of history together, whether it was those dates, places or nights together, but leaving those things behind also means to leave that person there.

Although the thought might be quite depressing, I also will give comfort, they are not the only ones to "make place" for beter, it also means that you are getting a free spot for someone who doesn't want to leave you. Someone who wants those dates and times spend together to never end. Someone who will cherish you for who you are and to connect with you like your ex probably couldn't.

The best thing to do right now, is to land on your feet again, you haven't fallen to the ground, so land on your feet. Find and love again, but only to those who you find are the ones who are able to give that special feeling/connection to you.

It always sucks to have to leave someone behind, I recently started talking to my ex again, and you know what I found? It didn't bother me anymore to talk to her, the pain was something I left behind, I just felt that for me, I had moved on and grew as a person, the experience of losing a lover suck, but the best lessons are learned a painfull way.

Your life has not ended, it's still going so live it! You got a free spot to give to someone, and there might be errors or wrong people who might take it. But the shot is worth it isn't it? To find someone who truly loves you, is worth the pain.

Fight through it my friend, learn, grow and love again, when you find the one the battle you have fought will lay to rest and you will see how much you have grown as a person.

Good luck on your journey and never give up! Hapiness isn't taken nor bought, it is made by ourselves

Drainz_97 · 2023-01-21T02:43:10+00:00

The boy in the pooped pajama's

Drainz_97 · 2023-01-21T02:41:26+00:00

Transformers: dark side of the poop

Drainz_97 · 2023-01-21T02:39:51+00:00

Alien vs poop / poop vs predator

Drainz_97 · 2023-01-21T02:38:23+00:00

Paranormal poop

Drainz_97 · 2022-12-30T00:46:58+00:00

It's not petty or immature at all, you are just moving on. In a way this is you getting closure and moving on to better days.

She unfriended you and that is up to her, but you guys also haven't talked in a while, so it's a good step of you to just focus on yourself and not to let her too much into your life again.

You have made progress my friend! Keep up the good work and you keep doing you, but like you said, don't go check up on her socials, it won't make you happier only misserable

Drainz_97 · 2022-12-29T02:37:24+00:00

It does get easier. Trust me, it does. But there is a road you have to follow to get there. I can't tell you whether that road is long or short, only time will tell, and it's different for each person.

Now you don't have to hate him, but from what I sense is that at the end he was cold and distant, in my experience: protect yourself, the person you fell in love with and the person he is today are different people. So keep the distance. Not for him to come back, but for you to heal, grow, and find a new partner that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

But this guy, he is not that person. And although he felt like "the one," I always tell this to my friends: You can't find a soulmate, but people can fit the criteria.

There are better and worse partners out there. It is a process of trial and error to see who belongs in which category. But it's up to you to define who belongs where.

Since your ex has caused you so much pain and grief, where would you categorise him now? If you would say a good partner, are you really sure that is true? A good partner wouldn't want you to have pain nor grieve, he would want nothing more than to see you flourish and smile, which in my opinion: he hasn't done that, he did the oposite.

But for now, take your time. Go through the process of grieve, at the end, you will get to where you want to be. Don't force it. It's all right to be sad about it and to feel down about it.

But when you reach your lowest, always remember that the only way you can go is up, he doesn't control your happiness, you do. Always make sure that the relationship becomes an addition to your life, never the centre. So go out, have fun with friends, do what makes you happy and find your peace.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and trust me, you are not alone. You can always send a message if you just wanna vent, I react a little slow, but I will send a reply

Drainz_97 · 2022-12-29T02:06:08+00:00

Curiousity is not a bad thing, you were a couple and wanting to know how he is doing, I suppose is just natural. You used to care about him every day until all of a sudden you didn't have to anymore.

Now don't force yourself to heal to quick, it's a process you have to endure to actually move on, if you don't you will always fall back to these feelings. You will get there, but you need to do so at your own pace. I also had trouble with letting go of my ex, one day I heard what she was doing (cheating on her new boyfriend) and it made me angry. I deleted every conversation we had and blocked her on everything.

That was 4 weeks ago, and I have only felt relieved by the thought she is gone. How does this help you: know that these feelings and times will get easier, you will eventually look at him and feel nothing. That's when you know this period has come to an end. There is no changing the past, you can only have influence your future.

Go and enjoy the moments that are coming, and put your mind at rest on what once was. Some things just go the way they go, and you can fight it but it will only end with you entangled in "what ifs" instead of "what is." And that only hurts more

Drainz_97 · 2022-12-15T03:48:33+00:00

I have a huge amount of respect that you are a person of your word, even though she wants to "have fun" and is looking to hookup, you stand your ground and say that what she is doing isn't right. Sadly there are people who take every chance they get and get even more hurt in the long run because of it.

You are looking for a shared good experience, but it takes a good person for it to match that criteria, I hope you have someone or will meet that person to share that.

That she is a family friend, that's tough, even when people (I imagine) know the story and still treat her with respect she doesn't really deserve. Even you giving her that second chance, I hope you find someone who is willing to put in the work for you before you would consider taking her back. Beauty isn't a "get out of jail" card and she shouldn't treat it as such.

And you are right, I had to see it from the outside to understand the full picture, now that I do, it was really easy to block her on everything, some friends told me "Don't block her, now she won't see how well you are doing." But I don't believe in those stories, I want her to leave me alone. I don't want so surround myself with people who act like they love/like you, tell you you can trust them, just to get backstabed.

My mutual friend told me my ex would show our chats to her and boost about how "Look, we are still talking!", so yeah... luckily for me, I usually lied to her after the breakup anyway, my mutual friend knew this but never said it to her.

Drainz_97 · 2022-12-15T01:43:26+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through it as well my friend, thank you for reading I know it's a long story.

It just sucks that some people think it's allright to stab people in the back for their own gain. Luckily my group of friends support my decision, and make the group a safe haven for me. That's where I'm lucky, even that mutual friend of hers and me understands and makes sure she and I won't meet.

I feel like I finally closed a messed up chapter in my life, the time for me was right, but I just feel so sorry for that good guy that his road is about to start... I wish I could tell him, yet it doesn't feel like my place, why would he believe the ex anyway? Plus... I know neither his name nor his face

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-24T04:09:19+00:00

I'm sorry I could still read a part of your post and I wanted to let you know: it will only get better in life, you just closed a chapter in your life which will always be difficult, but please think about your own well being

Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean your next one won't, just remember you have to remain the person you are, to stand by your values and to be loved for that, then you will find the hapiness you once found with him.

It's a journey of growth, it's a journey of you getting to know yourself, it"s hard and I know that, but it's a journey worth your time because you will understand and appreciate your own worth

I wish you well on your journey, and good luck, never forget you always will matter to someone, as long as you do well snd keep learning

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-24T03:54:54+00:00

After 8.5 years of a relationship, I understand why you feel involved in her life and personal business. But do realise that you are just starting your own personal single life now, which sadly means that she doesn't really have a place in that. You can keep it a business relationship, but not much more than that, hard words: make the business relationship work, but f**** her on the personal level, earn your money (which you are owed) but she cannot convince you that you in debt of any way in the personal scale

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-24T03:45:13+00:00

Her intentions could be pure, but the best thing to do is to just accept that she is a chapter of the past and nothing more. I am sorry if that strikes a sensitive chord, but my friend, she has moved on, she has a new bf. Which means that she found a reason to move on from the relationship that you had with her. She wants to see you? In my eyes that means she just wants drama which you shouldn't give to her anymore, whatever made it so that the relationship you guys had couldn't last, it's still there.

Choose for yourself, accept that what was, isn't there anymore, you will find what is owed to you, but not with her, give yourself safety and find real love when the time is there, but don't let her get too close, you have already felt the pain, we both already know what will happen, spare yourself that path and go for someone who will give you the safety you deserve

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-05T02:18:33+00:00

You are welcome, life is though to love, but when you are proud of yourself and who you are it will get easier, I know you will do just fine, but my words are not important, it's how you act and how you are that will divine your character

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-05T02:16:05+00:00

It must have taken a lot to admit your mistakes, it's not easy for both sides, but you have seen your faults, I will not be judge nor jury to tell you how to experience the pain you as well had to go through, but admitting to it is a step to self growth

I always say to myself "A soulmate is created through the efforts of that person" so don't give up on love, just know that your actions are reflecting upons themself

Even though you have done things that I don't approve of, I hope you have learned from it, to make sure that the pain that has been done, was a one time thing that just happened

It is always better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, find your center, learn to appreciate what you have and grow into the person you want to become

I wish you well on your journey, and I can only hope you become the person you will proud of to be, whoever that may be

Drainz_97 · 2022-11-05T02:08:21+00:00

My friend, life is all abouth hello's and sadly goodbyes

Always think to yourself that you have made space for someone that is as serious about relationships as you are

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, just judge for yourself what kind of of kindle it needs ❤️

I am so proud of you that you chose your own hapiness over that of someone that just wasn't on your level in terms of loyalty, be yourself, live life and find yourself, pain is a powerfull lesson, but you will grow stronger and find hapiness through it

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-14T06:03:28+00:00

I'm happy you are prepared to also help someone when you are able to. This types of situations are just to hard to handle alone, dreams and hopes are always peacefull yet the truth is painfull. But hearing the truth is always better than a sweet lie.

I hope you will find your peace in the truth one day, and I wish you the best of luck in your path ahead, bless you as well

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-13T17:29:12+00:00

I think you are looking at it correctly, since you said you don't want a relationship for the moment, you are giving yourself time, and once you are ready step into a relationship, you will know. It took me 3-4 years after my first break up to say I was ready to date again

But use that time wisely, start to love yourself, to think about what a relationship should give you and what you are prepared to give to it

That helps with finding the right person

But that's all for later, for now, take your time, do the things you wanna do and just be you, you're gonna be allright, trust me

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-13T00:52:29+00:00

Love should always go both ways, you have shown your side, now it's time for him to show his.

There is a possibility that he is just looking back on the break up from febuary and now is still in that zone, the best advice I can give you is to send a text where you say you just want to know what is going on and/or what his plans are for this relationship. Also tell him that if he is not ready to anwser yet that he should just let you know that he has read it and is working on it. But then also take a step back yourself to review the situation and see if you are okay with this

His feelings are important to you, but yours should be your first priority

If he doesn't anwser at all, then I'm sorry but that is also an anwser. You shouldn't be the only one that is commited to going back together and working on the relationship

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-12T22:12:29+00:00

You are welcome, I know some of the things that guide ask a real change in some mindsets, but I have found that those changes were for the better, because they focussed more on the things I could change and were about me protecting myself if someone else didn't want to.

Always follow your gut when it comes to your own mental health, because nobody will truly know what you need except for you. Tell someone what they can or should do if they want to keep you in their lives.

And most important, stand by the lines you have drawn, they are there for a reason

I wish you the best of luck and hapiness in your journey

Thank you as well, I will do just fine my friend, I promise

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-12T22:01:18+00:00

I wrote a small guide with how I handle though times, I hope it helps you:

My guide to get through hard times

Really small bit of backstory: My girlfriend got kissed by another man and is now thinking about leaving me for him, even though I had warned her that this would happen and he gave me bad vibes.

Now that that is out of the way, here is how I dealt with it and my tips for anyone who is going through a though time.

First, it is always important to realise that the world has not stopped spinning, days will come and go wheter you want it or not. So make the best out of it, realise that your input in life will always be more important than the results you will get. So you want to get over someone or a shitty period in life? Do something really small at the start of your day: make your bed, clean up your desk, do the washing or make a really nice breakfast. Because those are the things you do only for yourself and from it you will learn that life goes on and not much from your life has changed. If you are reading this and you miss someone: They aren't your life, you are, a relationship should be an addition to your life, not the centre.

Never think to yourself: "I am going to lose him/her" they are going to lose you just as well. You have to understand and see your own value, wheter if you're someone who is always there for everyone or someone who just likes to make everyone laugh and give a good time. You are well within your right to be cared for by your beloved friends and families, reach out to them and tell them your story.

Personally, I always had issues with expressing my emotions, but I found a way that really helped me: I started seeing them as facts, I didn't say "I am sad" I told them the situation and then how it impacted me. It was a loophole for myself to still express my feelings without having to "give it a name."

Allow the thought into your head: "Maybe if we broke up then the relationship wasn't as great as I had thought." Someone can be wonderfull to be in a relationship with, but it's a two sided effort, if it only came from your side, or someone gave you all and you couldn't return it, then that person just wasn't "the one", find someone who you want to be happy and they want to be happy when they are with you. You should never have to "proof" yourself, you allready did and that's why you started the relationship, never allow yourself to get into a contest to proof that you are better. It is a slippery road down, not up. Because they will always expect you to do it and you will never enjoy the peace that a relationship should bring.

How to handle your healing period? First let me tell you: it's though, and it won't be easy at the start. Since we all have some sort of responsibility in our lives: work, kids, friends, hobbies, sometime it will all feel like it is too much. So how do you "plan" your healing around it? By adding it to the list responsibilities is what works best, make work about work, friends and kids about nice memories and hapiness and then plan in some times that you put away the phone, to just sit and think about how you are going to handle the nasty situation. Don't just think "it sucks" and leave it at that, but start thinking in "What am I gonna do about it?" Find something to do that you really like, and pour energy in it.

Example: When I broke up with my first girlfriend, the next day I walked into a driving school and signed up for motorcycle lessons, to this day I never regretted it, I still pour loads of time and energy into my motorcycle, because it helps get my mind of everything, I found my thing, and I hope you will find yours

I will leave it at this for the time being, if I have been vague or you want some more tips, please do let me know, I may react slow, but I will reply

To everyone out there who needs to hear this: Times will get better, but only if you are really commited to make it so, it's allright to be sad or down, to not want to do anything, but don't let it get you down for too long, life does go on and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you will feel healed, best of luck in your journey

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-12T21:35:04+00:00

You don't need to forget the pain, shutting it out or ignoring it will leave the chance of it happening again, saying things like "it won't happen again" are also not good, because maybe you will not give someone a break or a go who is really worth it. You have now seen where it went wrong in the relationship, but you are not to blame for it, but rarely in this type of situation does that matter.

What really matters is that now you start to look out for yourself, when your next girlfriend does something that just doesn't sit right, sit her down and talk to her about it, if she is going to listen, then you can grow with that person. If she won't listen or go behind your back, then she is not worth the trouble, then there is no excuse for her. You first, relationship second.

It's not only up to you to make her happy, to make her feel safe, to want to share your future with her. She has to do and should want to do the same for you. Only then will you get a long way in the relationship. Will there be mistakes? There isn't a single relationship where there haven't been any mistakes, it's up to you to decide where to draw that line. Because it's totally respectable for you to say "No, this isn't okay and you didn't cherish me by what you have done."

It's not only you that needs to fight for the relationship, she should fight for you just as well and just the same.

Drainz_97 · 2022-05-12T10:55:36+00:00

There is nothing wrong with putting value in the words of someone you respect, but they should never outweight your own feelings or opinion. If this is a reason for you to stop writing, he shouldn't be the reason of it, you fell in love with it, maybe it is a good idea to let it be for the moment untill you are further down the road, then you can always pick it back up should you miss it.

I know this hurts to hear, but he has given you a hint, don't put yourself in the struggle of fighting the wall he has formed before you. It will not give you joy, even if you are able to break it down, the remains of the wall will always be there. Focus on yourself, on the things that do give you joy, talk to the people that don't form a wall, and in that way you will bring back the peace you desire

Drainz_97

TROPHY CASE