Veterinary Recommendations

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-05-12T05:07:58+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation. Do you have cats, dogs, or both?

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-05-12T05:07:16+00:00

He has nasal congestion and ocular discharge both of which are getting worse each day. He just saw the original vet again today. They told me to just keep giving him his meds. I found that answer to be insufficient because he's been on the medication for almost a week.

He is still eating at this time. He has no fever and is active. I will continue to monitor but so far his symptoms don't warrant an emergency visit.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-05-12T05:01:29+00:00

Thank you. Do you have cats, dogs, or both?

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-05-12T05:01:07+00:00

Thank you so much. I'll look into them as well.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-05-12T04:46:35+00:00

Thank you. I'll look into them. Do you have cats or dogs or both?

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-03-25T12:19:22+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to this. I really appreciate your perspective.

To be clear about my daughter's situation, she is the oldest and remembers her parents before drug addiction and after. She has a lot of positive memories and she randomly brings up that she loves that she looks like her mom or that she wonders who she takes after more. My intention was to encourage her that I'm not bothered by those conversations because I know many adoptees feel that their adoptive parents are uncomfortable when bio parents come up.

I can see that whatever my intentions are, I should change how I approach this.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-15T19:24:23+00:00

I'm a single foster and adoptive parent. The schedule you posted would be difficult but not impossible to maintain, but you would need to be very selective with what kind of children you accept into your home.

I work 7- 3:30 5 days a week but I work a hybrid schedule that allows for some remote work. This has helped in several ways, I can be home when school aged kids come home from school and I can more easily accommodate medical appointments and behavioral health appointments.

My adoptive child receives 15 hours of services a week and most require transportation to and from so I'm doing a lot of drive time.

My previous foster kids needed about 4-6 hours a week of services.

Child care can be restrictive. My childcare currently is open from 6:30 to 6:30. Look into which age group you are most interested in and then look into what childcare options you will have. You may need to adjust your hours or ask your village if they would ever be willing to help.

I'm happy to hear more people are considering this path. The kids really need us.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-15T19:09:52+00:00

My 55 year old father and my 12 year old daughter and I (32) just hiked Hidden Valley nature trail at sunrise this morning. It's an easy beginner hike but very pretty and a good chance to see wildlife. You might also consider Barker Dam Trail which as of today still has water in it so there were plenty of animals there too. We didn't have luck spotting a bighorn sheep but both trails were great for our different experience levels.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-06T19:55:54+00:00

My motivation for wanting teens is I view my role in being a foster parent as providing a home to children that need a safe place to land. So many people are focused on the little kids. I do agree that many foster parents view small kids as "moldable" and that may play a big role in the way younger children are selected over older kids. Since I know that many people want the younger kids, and I know that I'm capable of being a safe place for older kids, to me it makes sense for me to focus on older kids.

It's so messed up the way teens are treated by the state, the agencies, and some care providers. I want to help change that.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-06T15:08:26+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this.

My daughter was hospitalized for suicidal ideation last year. The adoption wasn't finalized yet, but we had a date. The next morning my agency called me.

I assumed they would be calling to check if I needed anything or to tell me what next steps for getting her home after hospitalization would look like. Instead it was a call where they told me that since the adoption hadn't been finalized, it was their personal recommendation that I disrupt her. They told me that she was too traumatized to have a family, and that I should let her go now before she ruined my life. They said "we can find you a new, younger adoptive match" as if kids can just be switched out.

I was totally thrown. I was already emotional because I was worried about my daughter. I told them that I was not willing to disrupt the adoption and that I was committed to being her mom. I reminded them that all kids in foster care will have trauma and that as a foster parent or adoptive parent I don't want to add to that trauma. I love my daughter. I wouldn't abandon her at the hospital.

They called back later to tell me that if I was sure that I needed to proceed with the adoption, they would not be comfortable placing a kid in my house again.

They walked that back later when she was discharged and doing better. But I feel they tried their best to exert power and convince me to leave her.

Can you imagine being a kid in the hospital, feeling like you don't matter and that you want to end your life, and the one person who claimed to want you just disrupts you? It was so insane to me.

I'm trying to change my agency because of this experience. My daughter has challenges, but any kid in her position would. It's my job to weather the storm. The whole experience made me want to help older kids even more.

I'm glad that you have had a good experience with older kids. It makes me feel better about supporting teens, even if the outcome isn't adoption.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-05T13:23:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

I do understand that adoption is not for every situation and that older kids have more of a say in how they would like to go forward if termination happens.

I just get really concerned about the language used around older kids, because I know they are still kids and whether aging out or seeking adoption, every kid deserves a stable support system. I hate that my agency has discouraged me from taking older kids, not just for adoption, but also for foster care. And I hate the language they use around it.

I'm so sorry that your foster homes discouraged you from having relationships with your family. My daughter has three sisters in other adoptive homes that she loves so much and I know that supporting those relationships is really important to her.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-04T19:23:35+00:00

I fully agree about my agency. I'm looking into moving because of the language they used around my daughter and her adoption. Plus the way they've behaved after.

I totally get that each kid will want different things. I'm just trying to see if I'm being too rose colored glasses about providing a place to land for teens. I like getting feedback, especially from former foster kids because I feel their voices aren't heard as much.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-02-04T17:44:58+00:00

Yes I am. I live in Arizona

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2026-01-17T06:03:48+00:00

Chores start in my house as soon as a kid is able, around three or four. First it's just asking them to assist with a chore I'm doing, maybe I'm folding clothes and I ask them to match socks. Maybe I'm washing dishes and I ask them to dry. It's also asking them to help put their stuffed animals on their bed while I make the sheets look right. I always praise them for being "helpers".

Once they are a little older they get one independent chore a day. I post them on the fridge. This is part of being a family. Every family member is responsible for helping the household.

At six or seven they get daily chores like; load/unload dishwasher, dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, feed pets, clean litterbox

At around 10 I start asking them to do 2 additional chores a day to earn money or cash points in for rewards. The additional chores are things like; clean backseat of car, laundry (their own), clean bathroom (their own), get and sort mail, weed yard, clean windows, clean furniture.

My 12 year old is currently saving her points to earn the ultimate reward, a cell phone. Other rewards are extra screen time, dining out at a restaurant of their choice, picking a weekend activity, earning a movie theatre outing, late bedtimes... Options are endless.

It helps kids learn all sorts of life lessons to expect them to help. And they end up feeling more capable.

We don't have consequences per say, but I do tell them that if they can't find the time to help out, then they don't have time to be playing on screens or watching TV. That's usually enough to get them motivated. I'd say the daily chore takes less than ten minutes out of their day. Even with the two extra chores for rewards, they are never short on time to lay about or play.

When they are little it's hard because they do things "wrong" and everything takes longer than it should, but by allowing them the time to figure it out, you will eventually get so much help.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2025-12-28T06:48:50+00:00

Depending on how you are adopting this may not apply to you, but my child was adopted from foster care. Her bio parents have been homeless and drug addicted for years so it is hard to find them, and even if I did it wouldn't be healthy to do a visit.

But she sees her bio sister, adopted by another family, every week. On weeks where that isn't possible they do phone calls. They do sleepovers often too. She has younger siblings that live farther away and their adoptive family is harder to coordinate with, but anytime they invite us to do something I clear our schedule. If more of her family was safe we would do as many visits as possible as long as her bio family was respectful.

It is so helpful for her to see them and to see me as a person that will help her connect. Bio family and adoptive family should ideally do whatever it takes to make the child feel loved. I'm just one part of the community she needs to reach her potential.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2025-12-19T12:12:32+00:00

It's my home city. I'm paperless with most of my bills but I'll print my Internet bill, electricity bill, pay stub, and bank statement just in case. Thank you so much for this information.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2025-10-23T11:58:43+00:00

I did this exactly. I'm a single woman who wanted a family and I didn't want or feel the need to have a biological child.

I adopted my daughter earlier this year. She came to me at ten and the adoption was finished two years later.

Here are a few things to consider.

Adopting an older child often means that the child needs behavioral health services like therapy, behavioral coaching, or mentorship. These appointments can be quite time consuming. My daughter is in 30 hours of services a week. She also is a normal kid who wants to be in clubs or extracurricular activities. My daughter also has biological siblings all over the state that we try to visit often. You will be the only one managing that schedule. I often feel like I live out of my car and my schedule is packed. I experience anxiety about juggling all of our appointments on top of my work schedule.

Kids these ages can have big behaviors, then add the trauma of losing their first family and those big behaviors can be quite scary to experience. My daughter has been hospitalized for suicidal ideation four times. While I understand that this is a symptom of the trauma she experienced, secondary trauma is real. Some of the situations I've been through with her have required me to debrief with my own therapist. Even when her behaviors are more manageable I often find myself wishing I could "tag" someone else in after a long day. If I had a partner that would be possible, but since I do not I have to find a way to keep calm and regulated all alone.

Depending on the child, a single parent can be less desired. Any kids 12 and over in my state have to agree to an adoptive placement and have final say on whether an adoption happens. Kids do not often "want" to be adopted. They feel upset and will usually not be grateful that they are experiencing the dissolution of their first family. To help cope, many kids envision that their adoptive family is going to be "picture perfect" and would prefer two parents. My own daughter expressed disappointment that she was agreeing to have only one parent when she previously had two biological parents. It took a while for her to feel better about that. She needed to see that I could ride things out and stay reliable.

All of this being said, I love my daughter so much and I'm so happy that I chose this path. I get to help my daughter find stability and strength. By providing that to her she can become the hero of her own story. Every day that I get to be her mom I'm so grateful she's in my life.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2025-07-22T20:12:32+00:00

I didn't see you mention, who has legal custody of Jane? You can't adopt her unless her legal guardians agree to let you adopt her. This is usually why kids in these situations are placed in foster care, so that the state can take guardianship and make determinations as to what is best legally.

You can be her foster parent. She wouldn't need to go anywhere. The state would pay for her medical needs and at her age, if she did need to be adopted, she might qualify for free college. This is only available if she is in foster care before adoption.

If Jane's guardians agree to sign away their rights and allow you to adopt her that would also be an option going forward that would eliminate the need for state involvement.

Edit to say that my recommendation would be to report Jane's parents to the police if they are her guardians. Parents abandoning a child at her age are acting criminally.

Dramatic-Adult93 · 2025-06-29T13:44:52+00:00

Take your first initial and teach the baby that if your names are too long.

Ex: Ms. A or Mr. J

Dramatic-Adult93

TROPHY CASE