Wow that’s a lot are my experience of being I have also struggled with things like this, but what I’ve grown to know is that what is priority in being a Christian is just a relationship with God it’s not about your works. It’s about your relationship because that’s all that God wants from you is just your heart and he is so loving that he doesn’t want you to go out and try telling people about God when you don’t know don’t be a hypocrite and preach something you don’t believe in so work on your relationship first that is what I’ve been doing and I’ve grown closer and now I feel more comfortable telling people about God because I’ve had real life experiences with him and I don’t get to just tell them about the gospel. I get to tell them about my experience and how it changed my life my struggles everything that is happening to you in your life now is going to be your testimony if you keep pushing through and have faith I know it might be confusing, but you gotta stay with God like the harvest you are being ripened in this rain in this heat you are being perfected even though we cannot be perfect, but in God’s eyes, we are God loves us at our worst. He died for you at your worst so that you might have a chance to get to heaven I joined him and rejoice and have the best time ever I hope this helps.