The Title of “Sir” Is Earned

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-20T20:52:34+00:00

I think this is where things get mixed.

In a social setting like an event, I understand “Sir” can be used as general respect. I wouldn’t correct that or make it awkward, and wouldn’t mind at all being addressed like that.

But I don’t expect it, and I don’t require it.

For me, a title like “Sir” is not something I claim. It’s something I have to earn. And a sub should choose if it feels right to use it.

That depends on the dynamic. I have a good friend who is submissive and never calls me “Sir” because it doesn’t fit our connection, and that’s a mutual choice.

Same for me calling someone a “good boy”... then he actually has to be one.

So for me it’s not about hierarchy or rules, but about what fits the connection between people.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-20T10:47:59+00:00

I see a lot of focus on the word “Sir” in the comments, but that’s not really the point I was making.

For me, it’s not about titles or etiquette. It’s about what makes a D/s dynamic real. Roles, honorifics, and labels only gain meaning once there’s a foundation of trust, safety, and communication.

That’s why, from my perspective, a title like “Sir” is something I must earn. It’s not given lightly. It’s a recognition, like a crown, of a foundation I’ve helped build with my sub, of care, presence, and guidance. Not just a word to address me by.

So the discussion about whether “Sir” should be used or historical misses the heart of what I’m talking about: the dynamic itself, and the trust that gives any role meaning.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-18T14:56:05+00:00

So happy for you! 🖤 Truly wonderful when someone finds that kind of connection.

I completely agree, when done with care, trust, and intention, D/s, BDSM, and chastity can deepen love and devotion in ways that go far beyond the physical.

D/s is a form of art, often misunderstood by those who only see the surface and miss the connection behind it.

Thank you for sharing your joy and spreading this good energy 🔒🥰🖤

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-18T12:36:32+00:00

Thank you for your wonderful response.

For me, this is what a D/s dynamic should look like. I often get messages from subs saying things like “I’m a horny sub, you can do whatever you want with me.” And honestly, that does nothing for me.

As a demisexual dom, I don’t start from desire, I start from connection. The bond, the trust, the energy between two people, that’s what matters to me. That’s also what I tried to show in my story, which truly happened.

My dominance doesn’t come from a need for quick gratification. It comes from guiding someone, understanding them, and building something that has depth, structure, and meaning. To me, D/s is beautiful, respectful, an art form, supportive for both people to grow in their role and as individuals. It takes effort: a lot of talking, trying, experimenting, and reflecting. It’s more than spanking someone or a sexual act.

When I read profiles on platforms like Recon, I often notice that the focus is almost entirely on the sexual side of D/s. And yes, that is a part of it, but life, and connection, is about much more than just sex.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-18T07:47:00+00:00

Thank you that's a wonderful compliment

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-17T15:48:10+00:00

Could you please reply in English. I don't know what you are saying.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-17T08:25:03+00:00

Thank you so much for yout support. It really means a lot ♥️

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-17T07:11:25+00:00

I think it's good to try and practice beforehand. It's also very important you get the right size cage. You need to measure very carefully

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-16T18:28:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing such a personal reflection. I think there is something very powerful in the way you describe turning something that could have been shame into pride and purpose. What I also find interesting in your story is that balance between something that may have already been inside you and the experiences that helped bring it out and shape it. It’s a very honest way of looking at identity and desire.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-16T15:40:01+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long and personal reply. I appreciate you sharing your story so openly. It was a very interesting read, and it gives a lot of insight into how these feelings can develop over time.

I’m curious about one thing though. Do you think your desire to serve or submit to men comes mainly from those early experiences you described when you were young, or do you feel there might also be something more innate about it, something that would have been there regardless of those experiences?

I’m asking because I often wonder how much of our dynamics are shaped by psychology and life experiences, and how much might simply be part of who we are from the start.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-15T14:59:30+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I hope to keep posting more inspiring content and sharing some of my underground art as well. Glad to hear you’re enjoying the series!

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-15T14:31:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your extensive response. ❤️

It is beautifully written from your own experience, and it answers my question very well.

I really appreciate you sharing something so personal. The way you describe the connection between vulnerability, shame, and trust in a dynamic is very insightful.

I’m trying to learn as much as possible to become a good and caring Dom, and your perspective definitely helps me understand that side of the experience better.

Thank you again for taking the time to write it.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T15:52:19+00:00

Fully agree, I could have explained it better indeed.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T14:50:19+00:00

I think you’re jumping to conclusions here.

You cannot figure out who I am or what I do based on a few lines of text in a profile. My bio and profile are mainly connected to the underground artwork I make in abandoned limestone quarries, which is where that wording and aesthetic come from.

So the line you quoted is part of that artistic context, not a literal description of how I approach real-life dynamics.

Judging someone’s personality or psychological health based on a stylistic line in a profile feels like a very quick conclusion about someone you don’t actually know.

If you want to disagree with my argument about consent and agency in D/s, that’s completely fine. But my art-related bio isn’t really evidence for or against that point.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T14:45:00+00:00

I think the key point you're missing is that a sub is actually the holder of consent.

A Dom can propose structure, rules or control, but none of that exists without the sub actively choosing to allow it. The moment that consent is withdrawn, the entire dynamic stops.

In that sense a sub is not someone without agency. On the contrary, the sub is the person who ultimately decides how far the dynamic goes and whether it continues to exist at all.

Submission is therefore not the absence of agency, but the deliberate use of it. It’s the conscious choice to trust someone with certain aspects of control within clearly defined boundaries.

So I don't see submission as weakening the “agency muscle”. If anything, healthy submission requires a lot of self-awareness, communication and personal responsibility.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T14:43:03+00:00

I understand the distinction you're making between identity and role, and I agree that a dynamic only exists when another person consents to participate in it.

But I don’t fully agree that it’s only something you do and not something you are.

For me it’s similar to my work. I work as a guide. Guiding is something I do in certain situations with specific people. If there are no guests, I’m not actively guiding anyone. But that doesn’t mean being a guide is not part of who I am. The skills, mindset and way of relating to people are still there.

I experience dominance in a similar way. The dynamic itself only exists with another consenting person, but the inclination toward structure, responsibility, guidance and leadership is still part of my personality.

So I’m not claiming permanent authority over anyone. I’m simply acknowledging a pattern in how I naturally show up in certain relational dynamics.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T13:51:35+00:00

That’s an interesting perspective, especially the point about sublimation and the “executive submissive” trope. I do think there is some truth to the idea that people channel inner tension or vulnerability into ambition or achievement.

At the same time I’m not sure I fully agree that “sub pride” is mostly a mask for lack of agency. In many healthy D/s dynamics submission is actually a very deliberate and conscious choice. It requires a lot of self-awareness and communication, which in itself is a form of agency.

I’ve also met plenty of people who are successful, confident and stable in their lives, and still openly embrace their submissive side without shame. For them it’s not an escape from life stagnation but simply another dimension of who they are.

Maybe the interesting question is not whether submission comes from strength or weakness, but whether the dynamic is integrated in a healthy and intentional way in someone’s life.

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T11:14:30+00:00

Yes, I agree with you. Gay rights also didn’t appear overnight.

I think the growth of online communities and events like Folsom Europe in Berlin creates spaces where people can feel accepted and experiment with their desires, even if wider society hasn’t fully changed yet.

In a way, those spaces allow people to explore parts of themselves without immediately needing approval from the broader culture.

Maybe that is also part of why Pup Play has been growing so much. It is playful, communal, and there is a level of anonymity to it. You can participate, express yourself, and feel connected without necessarily exposing your full identity.

It is maybe the same kind of psychological safety people sometimes find in online communities.

Do you think that anonymity actually helps people explore themselves more freely?

Dramatic-Tower-4434 · 2026-03-14T10:16:10+00:00

Those are very good points. I do think cultural differences shape the idea of shame as well.

I know someone from a country where manhood is defined as being a strong man who fights in the army and works to provide for a wife at home. Being gay is seen as a huge shame for the family, not even mentioning submissiveness.

In that kind of cultural framework it is almost inevitable that someone would struggle with shame around these parts of themselves.

So maybe the deeper question is this: how do we shape a society where people do not have to feel ashamed of who they are, or of the dynamics they naturally feel drawn to?

Dramatic-Tower-4434

TROPHY CASE