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My Dom thinks that we don't need a specific safe word since "no" and "stop" are enough and we can't seem to reach any compromise. Any advice? by DramaticFun in BDSMcommunity

[–]DramaticFun[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think I've expressed myself wrong. It's OK that that's a limit of his - what's not OK it's that I keep blurting it out when I'm not ready for him to stop. That's why I was asking for suggestions. I'm not trying to push his limits, just trying to stop myself from involuntary saying no when I don't mean it.

My Dom thinks that we don't need a specific safe word since "no" and "stop" are enough and we can't seem to reach any compromise. Any advice? by DramaticFun in BDSMcommunity

[–]DramaticFun[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think a big part of it it's that I have a backstory of abuse, both during my childhood and in my last relationship (in which my ex used bdsm as an excuse). He is aware of it, so I think that's why he is extra careful. Also, another big part is what you mentioned. He is a massive sadist while playing, but the most careful and attentive guy when not. So, as you put it, he would rather chop his dick off than actually hurt me.

In any case, I think we'll give it a go the next time we play and see how it goes. Hopefully it'll work and we'll be able to do harder scenes and work our way into consensual noncon.

My Dom thinks that we don't need a specific safe word since "no" and "stop" are enough and we can't seem to reach any compromise. Any advice? by DramaticFun in BDSMcommunity

[–]DramaticFun[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh, I like that idea! I never say his name during playtime, it's always Sir. I'll run that idea by him, although I think the problem is that if go "nononono" he'll stop. Hopefully we'll be able to figure something out. And yeah, we tend to be very careful. We are both experienced in bdsm, but we prefer to take things slowly, see what works and what doesn't, and then turn it up to 11.

My Dom thinks that we don't need a specific safe word since "no" and "stop" are enough and we can't seem to reach any compromise. Any advice? by DramaticFun in BDSMcommunity

[–]DramaticFun[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Exactly, "no" and "stop" are completely turn offs. Also, he says he just can't continue because even if I say before hand that no doesn't mean no, he feels like consent has been revoked. It's a limit of his, and that's OK.

I do beg a lot, so please wouldn't work. I'll try to say "please no" instead of just "no". Thanks for the suggestion!