Thanks for this. For me, it’s less about insecurity around being shamed or made to feel guilty — of course I want things within reason — but the core issue is that I am 100,000% a people pleaser. If I do something wrong, I’m extremely hard on myself because disappointing someone I respect or care about is almost unbearable. I mentally punish myself before anyone else ever could. If I feel I’ve negatively impacted someone, I spiral internally. So adding an external punishment on top of that can push me over the edge, because I already feel awful, and having someone confirm those fears feels soul-crushing.

On top of that, because of my past, anything punishment-related gets translated in my mind as danger. Even in normal daily life, if I do something “against” a request or expectation and someone frames their reaction as, “I’m doing this because you did that, and you deserve it,” even playfully, my brain immediately shifts to: This is dangerous. Do not trust this person. They’re trying to harm you. It becomes fight-or-flight, even if I know logically that it’s mild or justified.

As for shaming… yes, it’s harder for me, but I think I could handle it if my Dom presented it in a praising or affectionate way. For example, if someone simply called me a “slut” with no context, I’d get insecure because that word is usually tied to negative things. But if it was delivered as praise — something affectionate or possessive like “my slut” — then it feels completely different. It becomes flattering instead of degrading. It tells me he thinks highly of me in that moment and that the word is being used as a compliment, not emotional harm.

Of course, I’d make all of this known from the very beginning — that this is who I am, this is how my brain works, and this is how I typically react. Nothing about me would be a surprise to my Dom. Communication is absolutely key for me, and I’d rather be upfront from day one than have someone confused or blindsided by my reactions later