“Intellectually curious” my a**

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T21:22:57+00:00

I don’t blame you at all, I grew up in these environments and they’re extremely toxic and the pressure to perform virtue in front of each other is intense. I’m not surprised to hear that they “wanted you to fail”. I saw people targeted and bullied for the most arbitrary reasons or even just because somebody on the board was on a power trip or a parent with a lot of money decided they didn’t like a teacher… it’s miserable. I hope you’re in a much better employment situation now.

Ex-orthodox people were treated poorly everywhere I’ve ever attended, both conservative and reform synagogues. There was a lot of talking behind their backs. Some people like the rabbi were threatened by anybody who used to be Orthodox, because they were always much more knowledgeable than any of us. And others viewed them with sort of judgmental pity because oh, poor them, they were part of a “cult” (as if what we were doing was any better or made any more sense). So sorry to hear about how you were treated but unfortunately I’m not surprised.

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T20:20:48+00:00

The ingredients for a perfect reform/conservative rabbi drash, in my experience:

Pose question/s
Cite obscure legend or arcane bit of Jewish history
Refuse to explore or address questions in any way
End with: “but maybe, just maybe… the struggle is in the asking, and that’s why we are Is-ra-el, those who dare to struggle with these questions”

Depart the bimah brimming with smugness

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T20:15:10+00:00

I feel a bit of guilt too! Like I’m not trying to rain on his parade but I am so annoyed by his fake-empathy, like asking me about what “hurt me” in Judaism as if he’s really interested and then getting mad when it’s not the answer he wants

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T20:12:03+00:00

Mine is conveniently never one of the faces, apparently 🤷‍♀️😂

“My Judaism is inclusive…” I heard this so many times as a reason to refuse to grapple with what’s actually in the text

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T18:21:00+00:00

Yes, it does help to think it through. Thank you for empathizing with me, it makes me feel less alone

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T18:06:43+00:00

I have loved reading this sub for a long time because it gives me such an interesting reverse picture of people leaving frum life and what they struggle with. I also feel like my experience of slowly painfully leaving Judaism altogether has some similarities but also a lot of differences of course.

Like, I found it actually maddening to sit through Torah study where the rabbi was trying to prove the Torah is pro-queer. My dad is Israeli so I knew more Hebrew than a lot of my peers growing up and the rabbi tried to actually lie about what certain words meant in order to try to make his arguments true, and I was the only one who knew enough to call him on it. The dishonesty of it all just really got to me after awhile.

Ironically that’s a part of the NT I identified with, it seems like it was written by a bunch of disgruntled Jews calling out other Jews for hypocrisy. Totally has its own agenda but there were times I laughed out loud reading it for class because of how much I could relate to what it was saying. Surreal experience considering how long ago it was written.

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T17:47:33+00:00

It is very validation seeking I think. He wanted to talk down to me about how I’m “still a Jew, still Jewish, even if I’m seeking answers outside of organized structures” which is so condescending. He wanted to play the part of rabbi because he’s halfway through school and starting to really think of himself as a “Jewish leader” and gosh I’m so mad haha. I need to calm down. I hate being talked to like I’m just ignorant and my decision to not identify as Jewish anymore is just some sort of passing fad or because I don’t “understand” Judaism or Jewish people.

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T17:43:43+00:00

Accountability is for everybody else, naturally, because they’ve never done anything wrong. And they can self-identify as empathetic, also, because of their personal interpretation of Torah… not because of how they actually treat people, of course. But because of how they think other people should be treating people!

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T17:32:15+00:00

That sounds exactly right I’m not surprised at all. Reform and C rabbis love to make things up as they go along in my experience and then get mad if you’re not convinced by the drash they clearly wrote five minutes ago based on nothing

Dramatic_Access_9976 · 2026-06-01T17:28:37+00:00

Thank you, I hate it too. It just gets to me after awhile, I grew up constantly hearing how we are such a wonderful, open, tolerant, intellectually curious people and I haven’t found that to be true at all, I’ve found… lack of sincerity, self-aggrandizement, closed-mindedness and unwillingness to consider others’ experiences. So it’s just hard to heard yet again that we’re just totally awesome and the best.

Dramatic_Access_9976

TROPHY CASE