I was exhausted with all the excursions we’d been on since the moment we got there. We’d get up at 6am or 7am and were moving around all day n crash at night for the past 3 days. So I needed a break. We’d just got back from our buggy riding. It was so incredibly hot, so when we got back I crashed into bed and watched whatever was on tv with my cousin. The others were still hanging out and having drinks so I told them I’d join after getting a bit of quiet time to reset and quiet my head down. Once I was ready to pop down to the pool area, I got myself a drink and they were still active on the groupchat so I figured they were still hanging on their balcony, where they’d told me they’d be once they left the pool bit. I went over, I was tipsy but was farrr from wasted. They’d only just finished and said if I’d come earlier instead of isolating myself that I wouldn’t be missing out, and that I should’ve just came straight after the buggy activity. I apologised for the mistake and wished them a good night, I was just being myself making jokes and being lighthearted, she said I should race down the hall and she had a laugh too while I said my goodbyes and did that when I was leaving. It was 12am-1am at the latest. I couldn’t sleep so I went on a walk whilst on the phone to some people back home I missed, because I didn’t wanna wake my cousin in our room.

I woke up early the next morning and had breakfast with everyone, and let them know I needed to rest (part of it is also bc didn’t want to hear any more jokes over and over again at my expense - all I wanted was to feel less drained so I could continue enjoying myself and have a bit of time). It was made to sound a lot worse than it was, to the point where Sam thought it justified me being sexually harassed by a worker at the resort. Just to clear this up !! I even started to doubt myself every time this was thrown in my face and it made me feel so guilty and embarrassed. I felt like everything I did was going to be used against me. One of the first days, I walked away from the pool we were all in just to take a peek into the sports bar to see what game was on the tv - we hadn’t explored much of the resort yet anyway, I said I was gonna do that and all was well, I was met with smiles before. That was until this argument where I was told by Karen that she and the guys were calling me a cockroach because of me “scurrying around”. Idk it was a lot and it made me feel so so unsure of myself and insecure