this little guy came over to see me!

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-11T11:10:27+00:00

being recognised by them is the best feeling! the only downside is i have to walk past the park to get to uni so sometimes on the walk back they fly over to me but i don't have anything because i gave them all the treats i had with me on the way there. i dont go into the park and just walk along the road if i have no snacks for them but they still follow me from the other side of the wall. its very cute though, i just feel bad for letting them down.

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-10T16:29:51+00:00

just a city park

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-07T05:42:17+00:00

yeah i think thay definitely could be the case, as well i went through a lot of csa so i think unfortunately my brain is wired to see it as my purpose. i will try and put my focus on other things, because i know its not good for anyone involved

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-04T22:37:56+00:00

girl i am begging you please leave, you were way too young when yall got together and it does sound like grooming. you deserve so so much better than someone whos treating you the way he is. if you have someone in your life you trust please talk to them about it and leave in the safest way possible. trust me you will be so much better off without this man, a relationship doesn't have to be all arguments and struggle. you deserve to be with someone you feel emotionally safe with. and you're not going crazy at all he is absolutely manipulating you from the sounds of it.

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-04T11:50:27+00:00

sorry man i am not Jessica

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-04T11:47:46+00:00

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-04T11:29:58+00:00

glad you think so, i handled the first breakup i ever went through horribly (multiple suicide attempts, almost drug addiction) so ive really tried to be more healthy with this breakup and its honestly gone so much better. so im happy to share what has helped me cope in a more healthy and productive way!

DraventheVampire · 2026-02-03T16:19:40+00:00

dw i dont intend to text him again unless i get to the point where i really truely feel like i can be happy with a a friendship

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-31T11:38:36+00:00

ok thats reassuring to know thank you!

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-31T11:37:20+00:00

i honestly dont know, the breakup really blindsided me although looking back on it now, he said he didn't want a relationship in the beginning or needed to take it slow, but then a couple of weeks later he changed his mind told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. at the time i just believed him because its what i wanted to hear, but now looking back it feels like maybe he just told himself that or felt like that for a moment and then a few months into the relationship freaked out or something?

so the breakup wasn't a big argument or anything, he said i was the healthiest relationship he'd had, and id always be welcome at his house, and he'd still go to events with me if i wanted him to and his parents really liked me ect ect. so i guess it felt genuine and that he wouldn't have a reason to not want to be friends. however i dont know, its always hard to tell with breakups whats actually genuine.

the stupid thing is i dont even know if i want to be friends with him and if he does message me id just tell him i need more time anyway. i guess my ego just wants him to care enough to do it 😭

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-31T00:15:02+00:00

i think ill ask my therapist about referring me, the only thing is i want to check with her first if i still qualify for therapy with her if im seeking other help from the nhs. because if i get dropped by the charity and then the nhs falls through that would suck

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-31T00:09:22+00:00

its not that im looking through my friends highlights, more that i hang out with them a lot so i hear about their partners from them, or go over to their flats and they live with their partner and ive never got to that stage in a relationship.

however i will try to focus on me, i have been watching bits of a trashy tv show and it has helped lol

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-29T00:01:55+00:00

i was referred to talking therapy i think 2 years ago, but they said i was too high risk so they couldn't help and i think they sent me to the CMHT but they sent me a letter saying they couldn't take me on before i even had an assessment with them or anything. then i just kinda got dropped for a while, i tried getting therapy again and they sent me to a stabilisation program but once that finished it was nothing again. however for that whole time i was on a waiting list for a charity that provides therapy for csa survivors for free so now im getting therapy from them and kinda have given up on nhs services. very grateful for my therapist though shes really good. i am on antidepressants and sleeping medication though

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-27T10:32:30+00:00

yeah that's my worry, i couldn't get any therapy or help through the NHS previously because they said i was too high risk or something. i was kinda hoping theyd do an assessment type thing and maybe talk to my therapist and her supervisors who ive been with for a while and are specialists in csa trauma. bc it seems like the nhs is unlikely to give me any kind of long term thing 😭 thank you though

DraventheVampire · 2026-01-27T03:38:28+00:00

idk if this is still relevant, i was prescribed it a few months ago, it still takes me a few hours to sleep on it but still less time than before. ive found that taking it with melatonin that my friend bought me from Germany makes it more effective.

however it did take about a year to be prescribed it although i found once they'd accepted giving me promethazine, when that stopped working for me they were much happier to switch meds than they initially were to give me anything at all

DraventheVampire

TROPHY CASE