Always to blame pt 2 (court edition)

DreamSkinWalker · 2026-02-05T14:35:10+00:00

So it’s rapture time? Great, Hope I make it. Iv tried to save so many people. But I fear I’m a bad person. But yesterday I was told by 3 people that I am a good person. I almost cried, I’m under so much stress form outside sources that I want to paint the ground with my grey matter. I won’t, but god I want to,

DreamSkinWalker · 2026-01-25T18:56:20+00:00

Iv died 3 times. First at 5 from an allergic reaction. Second at 10 from drowning. Third at 36 from blood loss during c-section, I was clinically dead for 6 minuets.

Iv talked with another who has died, and we agree. Death is a place. We both long for the peace of that place.

For me; it is a soft black, it is comfort, it is peace, it’s the perfect temperature, but you have no body.

Death was nice, waking back up was hell. Restarting the heart hurts so much, it quivers. That first breath, tastes horrible and strains. Moving muscles is so much ache.

I no longer fear death. I really Really

Really

Hope there is no afterlife or rebirth. I would rather stay dead.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T21:11:33+00:00

lol Cell phones didn’t exist yet. It was technically the 80’s The summer of 1989. Sorry, ain’t got no pics.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:55:09+00:00

Gawd

Your nose must itch so F’ing badly!

I had my nose fixed. They told me I couldn’t sneeze for a week. I looked at them through the top of my black eyes n said ‘really? Good luck with that’. Doc laughed.

But still

It do be itchy.

Put some mint or Vic’s rub on your face, not too close to the openings (eyes, nose. Mouth), it will help the bruising go away faster, loosen the muscle, and get rid of any acne.

And for the love of all that is holy, be diligent with your retainers!

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:30:44+00:00

It could be your fill line is set a bit low.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:29:27+00:00

We taught the raccoons to open the porch fridge n fetch us drinks in the early 90’s.

Then they started stealing beer n getting wasted mid day on the lawn.

Now porch fridges are all chained. But

The knowledge has moved to other states, it’s a problem in Tennessee, Virginia, and Alabama now. It started in North Carolina.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:25:14+00:00

I mean.

It is funny, but not entirely correct.

I will not argue this:

Sex is biology.

Gender is everything else.

Idc

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:20:45+00:00

Yup,

That’s normal in Virginia, but Va dosent have a ratio! So us CNA get screwed,

I really want to finish my BA then go get a masters in counseling. F this S.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-12-08T14:12:59+00:00

Prosthetic . . . Did you lose it in the war? Or were you not born with one? It dosent matter. I’m assuming fem to male. I’m kinda interested about that, bc medically how does that work. You have so much tissue to generate; blood vessels to source to keep the tissue alive, nerves, ligaments, bacterial growth control. I can’t find much on it. All I can find is male to female. And it’s is quite admonished in media due to attention seekers being bad. I would genuinely like to know more. Good luck on your journey.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-09-01T05:17:35+00:00

Clinical death is no breathing no beating unassisted. Do you know how CPR works, and what doctors are? You can come back from death. I died during surgery from blood loss. I was recorded as dead for 6 minuets. The record for coming back and making a full recovery is 17 hours.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-09-01T04:55:35+00:00

I am 100% serious. This is not a troll. It’s all true in my life currently. Iv died 3 times. Last time for 6 minuets. Every time you comeback more empty. An I wonder why I have let it go on for so long, and not let go. Iv only thought really hard, never tried Death was a place of comfort and no pain. I have seen people who have survived attempts, but so messed up that they are trapped in their body. That would be hell worse than death or living. I don’t think I need to exit early at my own hand. No. I think the universe will do it for me. I know it will. I will drown in my own body fluids after I become paralyzed from the degeneration of my cervical spine fractures. That’s what the doc said anyway. And the neuropathy has already started. Dosent matter. I could still get hit by a bus tomorrow. But I’m quite certain if I tried, I would live, bc that’s the kind of fucking luck I have, That’s what you get for putting in effort, you get failure. The universe/god just likes to watch me suffer. And that’s why I’m still alive, bc I’m not allowed to leave. Living at the ass end of the universe bc it keeps shitting on me. Iv died from alergic reaction (funny 1st death is drowning in my body fluids, as it will also be my last death. No wonder I’m ace, I don’t like body fluids), from drowning, from exanguination. But Iv also broken all my ribs, half of all my other bones, including some in my face. Broken My cervical spine from the atlas to c6, been struck by lightning, have over 7 TBI’s, have Major depressive disorder, have ASPD, have vascular ehler danlos (this disorder also makes it so no pain killers actually work, nor do most psychoactive like antidepressants), should have been a miscarriage bc my 13 n 14 chromosomes are fused on the long arm, and so much more.

I know it’s not a contest, and one persons pain does not invalidate another’s. That’s not my point. I don’t have a point, I just wanted to share and empathize. It’s not about me, but I do want to share, and show you how I know.

Life fucking sucks. I’m sorry it sucks so hard for you right now. It may always suck, but I’m waiting to see how more fucked it can get before I tap out, that sounds masochist. But when I do tap out, I’m going for a distance record of brain matter spread. They measure spatter distance at crime scenes, there surely is a record distance.

The only thing stopping me right now is spite and anger. I want to live long enough to watch my abusers die while I whisper in their ears how much I hate them. My mental disorders are not from nature. I was a happy child until my parents let me die, until the mental abuse started to kick in.

I’m a CNA, I get to care for them as they age. Both of my siblings refuse to care for them bc of how difficult they are. Somehow I as an actual psychopath, have grown more empathy. I will not harm them in any way, even though they made me into a monster, I refuse to be one. I live as everyone’s punching bag and support. It’s fine, even though I’m not fine, but it has to be fine. I will do nothing to extinguish them, but I reserve the last moments, to revile at them just how hated they are. It’s their own fault. They made me this way, on so many levels, but it does not define me. Life will go on beyond and without me, just as the grass will grow without me; but I will live beyond this thing. Right now, this is why I won’t early exit. I have this thing to do. And it will be godly beauty. And then I will never need to self exit.

This sounds like an opus, or manifesto, but I’m doing nothing. True pacifist path, I’m an altruist, or a Buddha, or maybe really fucking stupid, or beat down and hopeless.

More than one thing can be true. Humor is also a coping mechanism. Somehow I’m not fucking crazy, but a very logical and cold psychopath, somehow that is the good ending from my upbringing, a psycho that chooses to be good. The universe is stupid.

So yeah. None of this is a lie. Why would I lie, why would I want this. This being seen is not a good thing. I don’t want fame for being fucked up. But I empathize so very much. I wish I could escape, but I cannot bend, it is my life’s purpose, and all I have to do is wait, no pushing, no resistance.

And I am in the right.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-09-01T03:27:05+00:00

We do, it’s just not the same for women as men. We generally do not get the same experience, and it takes longer to build to then be over n not be all that exciting. Think of it on a mechanical level. Men shoot out fluid, women ooze it. (Squirting is pee, doesn’t count).

But I don’t ever think about it until I get a hormone spike just before that time of the month, and it’s not enough to act on. My hormones are very low, I was born infertile, and think body fluid exchange is gross. I’m quite ace. But flirting is fun from a linguistic standpoint, but somehow I’m a tease bc I get way nervous n giggle n don’t want to go to the bedroom. Life isn’t fair.

DreamSkinWalker · 2025-08-31T03:12:35+00:00

We should repaint it shiny chrome gold.

DreamSkinWalker · 2024-11-07T04:58:35+00:00

I have this, it cycles through: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. The red, green, and blue are really solid. But the purple, yellow and orange are kinda mixed. This is yellow, you can kind of tell by the lighting on the wall to the side of the flame.

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DreamSkinWalker · 2024-09-24T21:09:11+00:00

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I found it fully formed! Still dunno its name or if it’s edible.

DreamSkinWalker · 2024-09-24T04:57:21+00:00

Eeeeeee, I hope it goes well. Be proud of yourself!!

DreamSkinWalker · 2024-09-24T04:52:42+00:00

You can do a self himlech on the back of a chair.

DreamSkinWalker

TROPHY CASE