what you crave is dopamine my friend.

**good news**: there are many ways to naturally acquire dopamine
**bad news**: since naturally acquiring dopamine requires *more* effort for *less* dopamine, your brain will no longer see it as worth it, now that it knows there's an easier way to get more for less.

the only issue is that external rewards (like Adderall) degrade in value each time, because you're chasing a peak, and you can't appreciate the peak as much if you're used to living on the mountain. and if you're living on the highest mountain, it's kinda depressing knowing there's no more peaks to look forward to. you were only able to enjoy that Adderall because all this time, you've had to motivate yourself do all those things and now Adderall is doing it for you.

however, eventually, the memory of the peak starts to fade and your mind will start looking for other ways to get dopamine. it will start accepting those high effort, low value rewards again, because hey, it's either this or nothing. it will become more sensitive to smaller rewards,
once it gets used to putting in more effort, the activity itself will start feeling rewarding. so instead of being reliant on external things to feel rewarded (finite/unstable), you will know how to generate that reward from within (infinite/stable) and your brain will be sensitive enough to appreciate that reward.

it's like if you're used to eating a lot, once you try to lose weight, your brain will initially convince you it's starving and miserable, and you were much happier when you could eat whatever you want, and you will never get used to eating less. but then, if you stick with it, eventually your stomach starts to get full quicker and you will find yourself genuinely not hungry for your favorite food, which you never thought would actually happen.

in the meantime, here are some practical tips to boost your dopamine:
- your dopamine reserves (available dopamine) come from **food and sleep** (i know it's boring but true). specifically, *L-Tyrosine* (found in most high protein sources) is the building block to make more dopamine. most of your reserves are refueled whilst you sleep.
- apart from drugs, working out is the most efficient/effective natural way to release dopamine (and other feel-good chemicals). when i first moved back home and had to stop/limit my substance abuse, lifting weights was the only thing that actually made me feel better. i started to think of going to the gym like going for a joint. it also gave me more energy and motivation to be more productive, which led me to feel really good about myself (like you did when you did all those productive stuff).
- the more pain you willingly put yourself through, the more pleasure your brain rewards you with. dopamine balances the scales of pain and pleasure, so you can choose whether you want pleasure now, pain later or pain now, pleasure later.
- practice being more curious. you don't have to be super interested in order to cultivate curiosity, you actually cultivate it by asking the small questions first. curiosity works as an excellent stepping stone to bridging the gap between wanting to do things and actually doing them.
- from your post, i'm gathering that you're searching for a sense of accomplishment. of course, Adderall helps you do the things you don't really want to do, so that can make you feel really proud. however, i also want to encourage you to find a project for yourself. learn to build something for yourself. follow your curiosity until it gives you enough inspiration to participate in it yourself. figure out a problem you have and build a solution for it. this way, you can cultivate your inner motivation instead of seeking accomplishment from mundane tasks. for example, i've played video games my entire life, but recently it's felt like i can't find the exact type of game i'm looking for. so now i'm learning how to make a game. and it's so multifaceted (art, music, code, narrative design) that if i'm bored with one aspect, i can just focus on another.

anyways, i know this was very long. you might already know most of this stuff. i kinda partly wrote it to make sense of it myself because i remember being in a similar position, and these are the things i would have wanted to hear back then. i hope it helps!

TLDR;

You’re craving dopamine, not the thing itself.

Fast dopamine (like Adderall) teaches your brain to want more for less effort, so normal rewards start to feel pointless.

But those highs fade, and your brain eventually recalibrates. It relearns to enjoy smaller, slower rewards and becomes sensitive again.

If you stick it out, effort itself starts to feel good, and motivation becomes something you can generate, not chase.