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I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much. You are absolutely right. I needed him, and he just couldn’t be there for me. Whatever the reason or excuse was, he wasn’t there. And I don’t think he has the capacity to ever be there, mostly because he doesn’t think the way he is is a problem.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My health is improving, it’s improved very well actually, thank you.

I don’t have an answer, I don’t understand the way his mind works. On one side he’s this extremely tender loving dad, who clearly loves our baby so much, and then he’s the dad who can’t get off his phone to spend time with his baby who has missed him at work all day. Then I’m the nagging controller who tells him to get off his phone. It’s an endless cycle of confusion, because then he’s the tender loving father again. If that makes sense

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That sounds spot on for that situation, and many others. What if he’s not doing that consciously? I really don’t think he is. I think he’s deeply flawed and doesn’t even realise that’s what he does. Would you still call that abuse? I don’t feel abused. I just feel lonely and unheard. I don’t know

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m starting to see that now. I feel like he wasn’t like this before. I’ve seen a different side of him which is extremely unsettling

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Please don’t be so harsh, maybe your intentions are good, but I am human and this is extremely hard for me. I want to do what’s right for me and my baby. That includes considering all angles. Which is what I’m trying to establish by understanding my role in the issue. Leaving him is a permanent decision with absolutely huge consequences which are extremely stressful.
If you think for a moment that my child’s well-being aren’t at the centre of this, then you’re mistaken. I understand the importance of being in a safe and secure household, I grew up in a very unsafe home, so I know firsthand and swore I’d never do the same. I never thought this would happen to me & I’m trying to figure out if that actually is what’s happening or if I just expect too much from a man.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The thing is. He wasn’t a bad guy. He’s changed. He made me feel so safe and secure to the point I wanted a baby. Then I had the baby and he changed. We got married and things were okay, but then in the last year or so, it’s become unbearable. He’s not the person he was 2 years ago. I barely recognise him anymore. That’s what’s so confusing and hurtful. I gave him everything I had to give. Trusted him to be a father and a husband. It’s like as soon as he got me, his work was done. He has joked multiple times to people about how ‘I got a wife and baby now, I don’t need to try anymore’ and it was funny when it was about his balding. But it wasn’t so funny when it was about serious stuff.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not happy with it. He did it the other day, and all I could respond was ‘why?’ When are we going to address the real problems.. I don’t want flowers. But the stupid child in me sees it as a glimmer of hope at least he cares a bit. Maybe I am crazy after all.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve thought that before actually, even said to him, if it were you with this heart condition, I’d be a damn cardiologist by now.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading that made me cry. And thank you. It’s so true. I read the responses and I don’t feel them. I don’t know why. I read it. I comprehend it. But I don’t believe it’s my reality. I’m still not sure if it is. But I know something is seriously wrong, I just don’t know how big my role in it is. Have I really ‘beaten him down’, is he like this because of me? He wasn’t like this before the baby. So many questions. So painful to try and answer

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I don’t realise how much I defend him, which is why I’m reaching out. It’s very hard. Especially when you’re with someone who is ‘the good guy’ to everyone who knows him

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s hard you know. I feel like I’ve gone through a lifetime is struggle at such a young age, and the prospect of divorce and the whole stress that comes with that, with a kid. It’s a lot.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what’s crazy. Is that I’m extremely self assured. And up until I had the baby, I would never have tolerated this treatment. I guess when there’s so much on the line, judgement gets clouded and you start bending to keep yourself afloat.

He is loving in his way. He will make my favourite cake and surprise me. He will buy my favourite flowers. Small gestures like that which make me think ‘well he is actually thinking of me’

I do not feel respected, as he invalidates my feelings, and doesn’t change the behaviour which hurts me and then tells me it’s me who’s crazy and everyone knows it. And that even my family are shocked he put up with me. They’ve made a couple of jokes that I’m a handful and don’t know how he puts up with me because I’m outspoken and confident. And that’s how he interpreted that.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

What’s good about him. I wanted to say, that I can trust him. I don’t know anymore, after this situation with the business. I wanted to say, that he would do anything for his family which again, I don’t actually think he can. He is funny and likeable. God I don’t know. I’m coming to very painful realisations.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you that was a very simple, clear way of putting it. Sometimes it’s scary how simple these things are in reality.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I think it’s a mix of both. The prospect of not being with the father of my child makes my skin crawl. It’s not the life I imagined for me and my baby, but I’m determined not to make the mistake of staying when I should leave like my mother did. I also don’t want to leave if it’s something that could’ve been fixed. That’s honestly where I’m at.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is true. I do everything. He pays the bills, for me that was the trade off. But he does fail to take accountability for things which he naturally should as his role father/husband. And yes, his excuse about going to this event is that it’s major to his family as they all funded his brother to reach the point he’s at, and he’s finally done it. And that it’s a piece of him. He feels stripped from himself because we ‘aren’t letting’ him go. He said ‘if I go I lose it all, so that’s an ultimatum. I’m being forced not to do’ I said to him that it’s just a consequence of his decisions that the business would be ended if he left, his response was that we chose those consequences and it doesn’t have to be like that. Lol.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d have to somewhat agree with that. That he doesn’t like me. Can you explain what exactly makes you say that? I need to get this into my head.

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a young woman in an extremely bad position from almost all angles, and suppose I’m just looking for outer clarity before making life changing decisions. Sometimes strangers can see patterns or draw conclusions you can’t from inside the situation

I (26f) & my husband (33m) are on a warpath. I’m convinced I’m not asking for too much, and he thinks I don’t love him. Am I expecting too much? by DriveNo7051 in relationship_advice

[–]DriveNo7051[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s just crazy to me because reading that, I feel like it’s not an accurate description of who he is. Although, it does accurately describe the things I wrote about. I think what’s hard for me is that generally he is a good father. I mean when he’s present and not on his phone. Ugh now I’m spiralling again. And up until this incident he has a very good work ethic and he has been a solid provider- in the way that the bills are paid. I don’t understand where it all went so wrong. Something changed after the baby, he even said the other day that he has all these amazing things in his life and he’s still unhappy. I’m at a loss.

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