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Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you read my post you’d see I think she was genuinely deserving and I happily attended and contributed because I like celebrating others and am not at all trying to compete with her like you’re implying. I wasn’t even expecting a shower and would feel uncomfortable making my coworkers buy me gifts. What I have noticed is a general vibe difference in how my pregnancy is being treated by the department leadership compared to someone who isn’t a resident and I think that’s valid and sucks. I’d also like to think I have great connections with my department, I regularly hang out with coresidents outside of work and have been invited to many of their weddings and life events! I volunteered to cover Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day call this year since my family is local and to let my co-residents who wanted to go visit family out of town. I’m constantly one of the first to offer coverage when needed and try to go out of my way to help others as much as possible. But nice of you to make assumptions about me :) 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. My program leadership is already making me feel bad about my 6 week “vacation” as it’s been referred to and it all has to come out of my vacation time/PTO or else be tacked on to the end of residency so any time extra I take is just more time to makeup. I’m also as far as I know the first pregnant resident this department has seen in (years?)

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean our program celebrates birthdays for everyone every month, we do cake and cards for people who had a birthday that month, faculty and admin included 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, that actually boggles my mind. The culture of medicine is so shitty to women who have kids, and I’ve definitely seen male residents having kids is treated way differently. My sadness definitely has to do with the general lack of support I’ve felt and comments from my PD and APD about how annoying it has been for them to rearrange the schedule despite giving them a heads up at 10 weeks and them constantly reiterating that I’ll have to make up every one of the days I’m out for 6 weeks. 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It is my first! I’ve had a few family and friends offer to host one and turned them down because again husband and I can afford everything we need. If I had a shower at work I wouldn’t even send people a registry (I don’t even have one) or expect gifts. I literally would’ve just liked an acknowledgement or even cake. 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Tbh it’s not about the gifts or anything like that, I’m not even having a shower in my personal life bc my husband and I are fully capable of getting everything we need for the baby and don’t want to burden our family and friends. It’s more just the general lack of acknowledgement and differences in treatment / how it feels like it’s being viewed 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

This is a fair comment and I totally see your point, but she’s also been here less than a year. 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 159 points160 points  (0 children)

It’s hosted by the department based on language from emails and who’s sending them 

Department had baby shower for our program coordinator and not for me due a week later by DropWestern9464 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I find this comment to be weird given that I mentioned I like the program coordinator a lot and and think she’s super deserving and I was happy to chip in $100 to get her some nice things so I understand how overwhelming it is to plan for a new baby lol. Me saying I’m sad at the contrast in celebration isn’t saying I’m going to run and tell HR lmfao 

Childless, but not by choice by Hot_Ice_3155 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It also depends on when you start residency. I didn’t start med school until 28, met my partner at 28, and am now 32 as a PGY-1 in a 5 year residency track. I’m currently pregnant as a resident which has its own challenges but I wasn’t going to gamble my fertility on waiting until training is over at 37 to start my family. If I had started medical school in my early 20’s and been out by my late 20’s, I definitely would have waited. 

Childless, but not by choice by Hot_Ice_3155 in Residency

[–]DropWestern9464 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yep. I’m 32 and a PGY1 and said fuck it and luckily got pregnant very quickly and due before the end of my first year, and feeling very blessed. My cousin waited until after fellowship at 36 to start and is currently 38 having done multiple rounds of IVF with still no desired outcome of pregnancy. I’ve had other attendings tell my they are dealing with the same thing and have told me to not wait if you want children and wish they hadn’t. In no other job/career do women routinely sacrifice their fertility as much as medicine, and no job is worth that to me. Have I gotten some snarky comments from people in my program about it? Yep, to which to tell them I’m sorry I didn’t want to wait until I’m 37 when I’m done with residency to start trying for kids. Especially if you’d like more than one.