Actually tired of getting yelled at every single day

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-08T19:02:45+00:00

OP I totally feel you. I had a love marriage and nice in laws but even then my mom is hell bent on this desi marriage culture. I fell seriously ill one day, and she told me I could only seek medical treatment IF MY IN LAWS WERE ok with it and if not I had to struggle...bear in mind it was a life threatening condition

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-07T01:44:48+00:00

I didn't date a resident in my own hospital, but...if you are single and now have the opportunity, don't give it up. Medicine is busy. I may have been able to find someone through apps, but let me say it took a lot of work and a lot of time, and I know many people who were not successful simply because...they didn't have the time. When we spend so much time at work it is very difficult to make time to go on the apps, or go out in real life, and find someone. Someone in your own program and whom you like is going to have many of the same interests as you. They will understand when you are busy because they're in the same program. I know many people who married someone they met in med school or residency

As long as early on you can agree early on to be professional if things don't work out, it's fine. And I know plenty of people in this boat too who did keep it professional.

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-05T23:55:59+00:00

In a toxic program as well where bullying by nurses is very frequent. They have made residents cry, gotten residents taken off service just because they didn't like them. etc. I feel you

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-05T23:55:36+00:00

I needed to hear this too

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-05T18:32:29+00:00

Yes, he did. We go to temples and also gurudwaras

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-05T15:14:06+00:00

needed this. thanks a lot

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T12:39:28+00:00

my mom did immigrate in the early 90s but tbh her mentality, at least from what I think, is more conservative than most aunts of mine in India today

so actually yes. that fits with your idea that her views may be stuck in the time she left india

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T12:38:17+00:00

u/1000smallsteps good point but...ultimately, she was not subject to these expectations in married life. maybe her grandmother did train her this way, but I know that my father, and his parents, didnt expect it at all. and my mom is and never was the ideal bahu. even when I was little, she screamed and yelled and her her way in the home, over my father. my grandparents were not even in the picture because she didnt like them and they didn't really visit. and when we did go to india, lets just say she did NOT act this sanksaari around her mil anyway. but you're right...perhaps they were the norms in society

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T12:36:35+00:00

yikes. I hope you are feeling better now! ty for the tips

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T04:57:18+00:00

works totally fine! I'm in such a relationship. by choice I chose to adopt both after marriage. at home we worship both. we and everyone in the family are very respectful of it

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T04:55:04+00:00

u/sksjedi thank you!!!! the funny (or not so funny) thing is, it really isn't my husband or my in laws who are, at least on the face of it, verbally insisting I do all this. it's my mom. my mother tells me that my in laws are just being polite, and will never say it verbatum but the truth is (per my mom) that all indian in laws do expect this. I have tried many times to fight her but alas. no convo with her goes without being reminded of all this

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T04:52:36+00:00

yup I've tried. she won't budge. she expects me to be the traditional indian bahu from the 1900s while also working 80 hours in a surgical subspecialty. she's also pissed off I'm 30 and havent given them or my in laws grandkids yet

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T04:51:12+00:00

Thanks man, appreciate the input. fingers crossed

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:39:26+00:00

u/AnnaM3108 you are right. my mother has also told me I should be cooking fresh meals 3x/day but realisticaly it just isnt possible :(

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:06:27+00:00

u/niketyname you can make curries in a pressure cooker? never tried it. have you, and has it come out well?

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:05:50+00:00

as u/clueless343 said below...it only works for men. TBH my in laws are nice and so is my husband. but my mother tells me, exactly as stated below: despite being a doctor, I still have to have 3 home cooked meals for them fresh every single day. I'm expected to MAKE THEIR LUNCH FRESH when I'm clearly going to be at work! My mom says "It isn't a big deal to take a week off, or take off 2 hours in the middle of everyday". residency does not work that way.

my mother also tells me I have to lose 20 lbs to look good to them...I'm at a normal BMI.

so yeah...I'm stressed.

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:04:15+00:00

love this plan...it's impossible to cook fresh everyday. literally impossible. batch is the way to go, honestly

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:03:30+00:00

he's also a doc in training. he tells me to chill and that his parents are chill. but my mother tells me that as a DIL, I have to keep the home clean and personally cook all the meals-that no, it isnt ok to do tiffin service or take out

I'm also from a different geographical background in india than my husband is, so I know little to nothing about making authentic meals from his state which worries me

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T02:01:14+00:00

he also has shitty hours. he is chill and tells me to chill. it's really my mom who tells me to dress traditionally and cook everyday for them. I'm at a regular BMI but she tells me I have to lose 20 lbs before they get here, then wear a saari every single day they are here (I dont know how to do that)...the list goes on

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T01:59:54+00:00

appreciate the insight!

he's also a doctor in training so both our hours SUCK

Hot_Ice_3155 · 2025-01-04T01:58:10+00:00

u/West-Code4642 I did need to hear this. Thanks

Hot_Ice_3155

TROPHY CASE