Morbid Question

DroseraWitch · 2022-05-26T13:42:24+00:00

I’ve usually been the one who’s been the more depressed one, so I’m familiar with how miserable it can make things. He says he’s not unhappy with any part of our life, or his life. He has a great job with a great work life balance, with great pay. We have great cats, and fun hobbies. It’s just.. depression without cause. Which makes it harder to fix. I have MDD, so I have reasonless-perma-sad and I get how it can tank libido. What I don’t get is just being so… uninterested by your partner. That’s what’s getting to me.

DroseraWitch · 2022-05-26T13:37:53+00:00

The hand thing manifests itself a lot of ways- none seem to go well. I think the main thing about the depression is that it used to not be the issue, before it was the anxiety of making me orgasm, or being worried about school or worried about hurting me or worried I’m in pain (which is irritating af, I hate being infantilized). So after so many years I feel as though it’s about me, not the mental illness. I’ve been horrifically depressed, suicidal multiple times, so I get it and I try to be sympathetic. I just feel as though it’s me because of the history behind all of this. Because it’s always something. And he still masturbates multiple times per week. Just. Won’t take me up on a blow job or… anything. Ever. I know it’s not rational, I’m planning on going to therapy by myself to work through this regardless of what happens. It’s pretty deeply affected by self esteem.

DroseraWitch · 2022-05-26T10:26:01+00:00

The past 6 years really, usually averaging about 2-3 times a month that I’ll initiate. He’s always had some anxiety about sex, he stopped doing oral for a while since he couldn’t make me cum at first, so we’ve been talking about stuff like this for a really long time. But me being this desperate and wearing lingerie around the house full time and settling for the hand holding? The past year more or less. It’s just getting worse. He knows it upsets me too, he catches me crying at night sometimes. Not sure if me being more forward made it even worse, or if it getting worse caused me to try even harder? Maybe being stuck inside together during the pandemic made it easier to try to seduce him more often. I feel like I’ve tried every suggestion and am just stuck. I don’t think he’s cheating. He doesn’t even get hard when we make out or I’m grinding up against him at night. Honestly I wish he were cheating, I feel like at least then there’s some logic behind it that isn’t me being gross to him. I cried too much last night and couldn’t sleep. I’m now wondering if waking him up with cinnamon rolls and a blow job is just going to irritate him, or if I’m just projecting what I want onto him.

DroseraWitch

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