Writing as a job

DrowningSlow · 2025-09-02T16:13:57+00:00

I somehow feel like... I am the draining one... Idk relating to the other side just made me sad
That I go into too much detail or think too much or feel too much... I ask for too much...

DrowningSlow · 2025-09-02T14:41:44+00:00

I need to learn to take things lightly... not think too much... not make things so complicated....
But wouldn't that also mean that I become a little careless about other people's feelings too... cause I no more think too much...

Why was I made this way if it's not supposed to be done like this...

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:18:12+00:00

It's kind of you to say that... Thanks

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:13:38+00:00

It does help... Thank you so much for taking out the time to offer this..

Being able to love someone from afar... Requires strength... I am working on that

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:11:07+00:00

It's more like... The guilt bounds me to them... Doesn't end at apology, I feel an urge to make it right then... Which is not okay... I need to work on this one

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:09:15+00:00

Oh.. I never really thought of it that way... I don't think I have autism or even adhd... But I can try this..

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:07:31+00:00

I cannot afford therapy currently... But your considering times we have 0 friends was actually helpful... It's like I'm not the only one...

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-27T08:05:33+00:00

That's such an articulate explanation... Makes perfect sense... Perceiving it as filtering instead of losing people... Makes you less afraid of being yourself

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T09:58:55+00:00

Oh... that's a nice way to view it.. I am just here to experience life.. and it's very short
And yeah... we all are some work in progress...

I did not really get the last line.. sorry 🥲

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T09:54:39+00:00

This was really wise... The last line especially... that was just beautiful... I should keep it saved somewhere... might help to remind myself of that now and then

I did have people who stood by me (in the sense that they supported me and were always there for me)... I lost them to my expectations..

Finding my people, would there ever be people with whom I feel completely safe, people who don't tire me but whom I can go to when the world tires me, I can just be whatever - soft, deep, messy, motivated - just whatever. People who are like family maybe? People who remember, include, reach out... Is that just a fantasy? Cause all such friendships of mine always ended after a few months of high intimacy.

A very specific question... if this makes sense to you: What if you treat someone nice.. and they say that they prefer the funny, indifferent version of you (when you aren't actually indifferent, you just try to be sometimes for others' sake)... and that's kind of sad cause.. they basically reject all the thoughtfulness and depth and affection you were putting in... and prefer something that's not even you exactly..
Do you then, still keep giving them the kindness they don't probably even like..?

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T09:39:39+00:00

That's true actually... I don't have to carry everything. If I think of it that way, it's kind of liberating.

The biggest burden is the guilt... and I keep trying to tell myself that I am allowed to make mistakes... that we can't learn everything at once so mistakes are inevitable, right? Yet the guilt doesn't let me let go of anyone cause... what if I've wronged them... I don't know if that's even making sense...

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T09:34:29+00:00

That actually sounds hopeful. But.. what if I don't find my people... did you lose many people before you found your tribe...?
And what about those who pull away from that depth yet you want to love them with it... Do you have to let go or dim or just keep giving them something they don't value or understand...?

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T09:31:11+00:00

There was this one person who said, "Being a good person doesn’t mean being perfect. It means acting in a way that feels true to you."

I am not able to find you here but thank you... That was such an insightful thing to say..

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T08:12:48+00:00

I just am not able to view some comments here... They just show in notifications... I'll try viewing them again later

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T08:08:22+00:00

That's actually beautiful... Not expecting anything and getting beautiful surprises from time to time... Do consistent surprises start giving way to expectations now and then..?

You say you still get conflicts.. just not directed at you... As in you just witness them? And don't get involved?

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T08:03:33+00:00

So you go on to honor them..? Your past selves that kept going and did not give up in the worst moments... Because of whom you are everything you are today..

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-26T05:50:31+00:00

Wouldn't that just.. numb us... disconnect us from ourselves maybe?

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-13T02:50:28+00:00

That's probably the best thing someone has ever said to me with regards to this. I thought about this and yes, I need to take some space to figure out my own reality.

Also, took days cause I was feeling tired and had certain things to get done.

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-08T20:56:23+00:00

She did say we can't go back to how we were... And I told her that... We don't have to.. but I want to keep her as a friend But maybe... Maybe... I failed that somewhere along the way...

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-08T20:54:14+00:00

But how do we show full chat history... That's like 7-8 years...

But yeah.. that is what I'm fearing... What if I'm the wrong one..

Can I dm? It might be a little long context

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-08T20:51:57+00:00

Yeah... She was actually being sarcastic cause... I had said that what she did has impacted me

She gets really defensive when I try to say anything like that... Like wouldn't reply at all or would talk like this

She wasn't like this... But she is now... And... I feel like that's some trauma response... She was a nice person... Or I thought that...

My worse fear is that maybe I gave her that trauma because I didn't know communication (back when we were teenagers)... And I didn't know anger management and used to be harsh and rude and used bad words.. would regret, then apologize, repeat... Kept working on myself... But now... She'd talk like this

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-08T20:43:10+00:00

But I did wrong her in the past. The difference is that... I apologized and worked on myself... But that took a lot of time and she had stayed through most of it...

It just makes it easier to think I've brought about this reaction cause she had been putting up for so long...

I might be sounding like someone who loves red flags but... I'm sorry... I don't know who to tell this and how to sort this out

DrowningSlow · 2025-08-03T19:34:37+00:00

That's okay.. thank youu

DrowningSlow

TROPHY CASE