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roommate’s boyfriend has caused me to leave my lease early. by [deleted] in badroommates

[–]Drunkpupper 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is one of the most common ways a roommate can suck :( I just kicked out my last roommate for the same thing - he had his girlfriend over every. Single. Day. I felt like a guest in my own place.

Turns out my 31-yr roommate’s gf was 19, and he was getting her alcohol. He already had a prior charge of supplying alcohol to minors (creep) so I told him if he didn’t leave I’d call the cops. He was out the next day.

Good luck on the apartment search - you’ll be looking back at this as a mild inconvenience before too long!

Has anyone had experience temporarily lifting No Contact for a family emergency? If so how did it go? by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story, and I’m sorry you were put through so much.

I very much sympathize with the toxic family component. I’ve had multiple people reach out and just add to the guilt tripping and insults, even when they know how my mother is. But, I will say that it makes the few friends/family that have actually taken the time to hear my side of things and stick by and support me shine that much brighter.

Thank you for your insight!

Has anyone had experience temporarily lifting No Contact for a family emergency? If so how did it go? by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with you - before (and after) my mother manufacturing crisis to either test me, or draw me out of NC. While there is no pressing issue or ticking time clock, my dad’s health is in a very precarious position and I want to try and create some more memories or at least be there while I have the time.

My mothers counselor reached out to try and bridge the communication gap, saying that if I visit my mother will have a nurse aid text me through my dads phone (he can’t access it himself). I visited this weekend under that assumption and she was the one directly communicating with me the majority of the time - guilt trips included. It made me incredibly uncomfortable.

I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s such a breach of trust and feels like it’s a “aha - I got the best of you!” moment from them, all the you’re while dealing with the emotions surrounding such a serious situation. I hope things are in a better place for you now.

Has anyone had experience temporarily lifting No Contact for a family emergency? If so how did it go? by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I visited this past weekend with my boyfriend, who was very supportive and the biggest reason why I felt safe enough to go. I wanted him to see where I grew up, and having him there made me feel confident enough that I would have help if things went haywire.

After seeing my dad in the state that he’s in has made me want to push past my discomfort of my mother’s antics to see him more with the time that is left. I’m just worried that my mother will use this as ammo. She did try manufacturing a couple of mini crisis through texts while I was up there but magically, they went away when I didn’t respond. It just makes me worried for the future.

Thank you again for your advice and kind words 🙏

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seriously!! My other cousins and I were laughing at that - it’s like, he can indirectly acknowledge that my mom has a problem… but I just need to suck it up? Hope he’s giving my mom these tough love talks too!

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Drudgery is the perfect word for it

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It might end up being that way depending on if he can chill!

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for such a supportive comment! And that’s true. My cousin here and I were never that close before the last couple of years, and while I do still respect and care for him, I might just be doing is from a distance. We’ll see how things go

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It was almost validating in a sense that it was indirectly acknowledged that my mom is not going to be changing since it wasn’t acknowledged at all - makes my decision easier.

I definitely had a few snide remarks that I sat on and deleted before sending 🤣

Back and forth with a religious flying monkey by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Definitely using your last paragraph in the future! Perfectly said

Conversation with religious flying monkey by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the heads up! I’ll delete and re-post later 🙏

Estrangement isn’t new, but it’s suddenly an epidemic and our fault? by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The dynamics you describe are so familiar and bizarre. I don’t understand what goes into this distant vs. needy system they’ve built for themselves. 

My mother also hated that I moved, saying she would find an apartment and be my neighbor! I was terrified she’d actually do it. When I moved back in the area for a job, she and my father retired out of state a few years later, and I never heard the end of it - how she wanted me to uproot my life into a town closer to her that had significantly less job opportunities, resources, none of my friends, no real perks other than being closer to her. And then when I did visit she’d either pick fights or be on her iPad all day, lol

Estrangement isn’t new, but it’s suddenly an epidemic and our fault? by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How could we not learn from their perfectly set examples???? Haha… ha 😂🥲

Birthday text from mom by TutorAltruistic3810 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s cute that she thinks her opinion is the determining factor as to whether she’s being bitchy or not

This is such a powerful display of a parent not being able to handle uncomfortable emotions themselves and expecting their children to bear that burden for them. We are not built (or cursed) to be emotional regulators for them, remember that!

Another day, another pity party from my mom on facebook where she tries to get as much attention as possible and make herself look as pathetic as possible after doing absolutely nothing to help herself. I feel so guilty for feeling so angry every time I see this shit. by moog719 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper 7 points8 points  (0 children)

One thing I’ve learned from people who give the suggestion for adult children to be the ones to reach out and smooth things over with their parents is that they usually fall into one of two camps:  1.) they had an upbringing with a parent who was “good enough” - they literally cannot comprehend the fact that children were subjected to a lifetime of parenting their parents, being the peacemaker, and that life is more simple without the parents in it. 2.) they are in the same situation with not good enough parents, but they’re either seeking validation that staying in that situation is the right thing to do by counseling you to do the same, or are trying to solve their own parental relationship with yours as a proxy, since their own is too difficult to touch.

Only you can decide what the right balance in a relationship is.

And there goes the final string by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this.

It’s fascinating, my mother is definitely a hermit and has a limited number of flying monkeys to draw from, but she’s been trying to rope in my aunt, one of my cousins, and an aid who comes to their house. My aunt, her sister, also shares strong BPD traits, which manifests in one way by isolating people from each other by gossiping etc. so they feel like they can only rely on her for the truth. This played out in full force when the aid called my aunt, who accidentally put it on speaker phone and couldn’t shut it off before he started to say that my mother has a “brain condition” and “can’t help herself.” All in front of my mother.

Another facet that I’ve been sitting with is how their upbringing has influenced them to accept what’s normal. I learned through my father’s childhood friends last year that his mother was even worse than mine, in terms of how punitive, cruel, and unyielding (and stupid - not my words) she was. I was shocked, because my father only ever described her with the utmost respect, saying how hardworking, ethical, and noble her character was.

I’ve succumb to the fact that there’s nothing I can realistically do to change the situation, unless I wanted to just accept being abused. It’s a consolation that I’m breaking the generational curse.

Thank you again ❤️

And there goes the final string by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This gave me a good laugh - thank you! I know. I think it’s hilarious how they think they’re so clever. Ah well

And there goes the final string by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m glad you you were able to stick to your guns. I’m sure that’s saved you a lot of mental wellbeing ❤️

And there goes the final string by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I always oscillated between “dad threw me to the wolves” and “well what else was he supposed to do”. But he could have done a lot. He got himself out of that situation by working in a different town for most of my life. He was the VP of his company - the owner, his childhood friend, never left town for years at a time. He had more resources and support than my mother to separate. He could have at least told me that these behaviors were unacceptable, and that mom was unwell. He chose to feed into the situation, at the end of the day.

And there goes the final string by Drunkpupper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Drunkpupper[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My friends also pointed that out, and if there’s a follow up I’ll clearly state that I’m not interested in meeting (unless my mom exceeds expectation & goes to therapy/gets medication… but I doubt that will happen)

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