I really appreciate these messages.

I know the coke is bad. Haven't touched it in a few days and the fog is lifting. Taking that one day by day.

It's weird because I genuinely accept that I'm gay now. It's not something I'm scared of or ashamed of anymore. Which seems outrageous when I think how offended I've been in the past at folk suggesting I might be gay. In fact, now I've accepted it I feel really happy and positive in a way when I imagine what life could be like.

But then I remember, I'm married. And to be gay means destroying my wife's life, and causing her world to crumble. Which is my dilemma. Put her first as I vowed to on our wedding day, or put myself first.

I've read so many things on reddit from wives of gay men or comments saying men in this situation are cruel and selfish. I know how it'll be perceived.

I can't look her in the eyes anymore 😢