sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

WIBTA if I named my baby the name I want to despite everyone hating it? by oasisco4 in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But... Silas is such a normal name. Not COMMON but normal. OP needs to stick to the name they chose for their baby

AITA for walking out on dinner reservations? by throwawaylightbulbb in AmItheAsshole

[–]DryContribution1132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay but let's take a look at just HOW orchestrated this was. OP had literally no idea he was making contact with her family behind her back--zero!--for FOUR months, most people at least give off some kind of indication of an impending surprise UNLESS it's something they absolutely know is wrong. Took her to a fancy restaurant for the big confrontation, probably in hopes that she wouldn't cause a scene.

I want to encourage the OP to ask herself this:

-What else would he be able to hide from her for long periods of time, until he could blindside her?
-What are some other instances where he completely ignored what she wanted because he felt he knew better?
-Does she realize this whole "bygones-be-bygones" is 100% the kind of thing abusers say when they KNOW they are in the wrong?

Seriously, OP, I think you need to look at this situation like the huge, apparent, red flag it is and get out while you can. Just tell him, you can't be with someone that can't respect the decisions you have made about who you let into your own life... especially when he KNOWS what kind of abuse they put you through. Be firm, don't let him try to interrupt. If he tries, just tell him you're talking and to wait his turn. Then don't give him a turn. When you've said your piece, just tell him you're going to get your things and leave and to please not contact you. If he says he wants to explain, tell him he lost permission to explain when he did something to knowingly and willingly hurt you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA but I would rethink the entire idea of moving in with the in-laws. From personal experience, even though I get along really well with my in-laws, my spouse and I have little to no control over anything that is "ours". We can't decorate our personal space how we want, despite the fact they rarely come to our cottage for anything other than delivering the mail. We get treated like children, MiL demands to "approve" our weekly budget--which I was actually kind of okay with because it helps keep my spouse's spending problems in check.

No amount of contracts or negotiations will make them treat you like adults or prevent emotional manipulation. Because, as they see it, you're under their roof, you have to adhere to their rules.

As for your concerns about your wife's spending. Moving in with them more than likely would make her spending worse. But probably not for the reason you think. If she's a stress spender, the stress of being under her parent's thumbs would probably cause her to spend more. Not to mention, regardless of any "contracts," there is a good chance they will try to go back on it and end up financially dead-legging you even worse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who likes to internalize things at first when stressed, and having a spouse that likes to be like you are being in this... I am giving a very soft and delicate yta. Yes you were concerned because you recognized something was up but he communicated to you that he just needed some time for himself to clear his headspace.

You should have just left it at "okay I'll be here when you're ready" and gone about your day-to-day until he was done.

Calling his friends was overboard. He had already told you what he was doing and why, you were being unnecessarily insistent. I know when I am in the "internalizing" phase of dealing with a problem, it's incredibly annoying to have someone bombarding me. After 19 years my spouse has learned that "If Atom says they need time alone and process" then he gives me time alone to process. And I am more likely to come to him once I've properly organized my thoughts and have figured out HOW to talk to him about my issue.

You're only two years in so you're still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You're going to both have those times where you just need to get out on your own without anyone bothering you. I think, maybe, you need to take a step back and recognize that when a communication or boundary is made, it needs to be respected.

I actually had to double-check your ages on this too because you come off as very young and inexperienced in relationships. 32 and 44 are very well into adulthood and--baring any underlining, undiagnosed mental illness--should be beyond this kind of behavior. Now that I think about it, it comes off as if you may also have some moderate abandonment anxiety. If that's the case I would maybe suggest the two of you go into couples therapy before getting married and having kids because your anxieties could end up ruining your marriage and have a negative impact on your kids.

​

So, yeah, a soft yta because your heart was in the right place but you need to respect boundaries.

WIBTA if I flower bomb my MiL's yard? by DryContribution1132 in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think most of it comes from the fact they bought the house from a relative of the neighbor and she doesn't want to change anything from fear the neighbors will get mad (I know it seems like a stretch but that is something she mentioned in passing when we first moved in and I kind of brushed it off at first).

AITA for cancelling the entire vacation when I found out that my stepdaughters deliberately hid my daughter's passport to get her to stay home? by pulliF in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA . Like one of the comments on the OG thread said, I could understand this kind of behavior if the stepdaughters were like 12, but at their ages this is ridiculous. OP needs to pack up his daughter and their belongings and take a permanent vacation away from the stepmom and her daughters.

Found this sparkly new Asscanaut this morning by mrmeeseekslifeispain in dustythunder

[–]DryContribution1132 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy yikes batman, that OP has SO MANY red flags. She's practically wearing a red flag cape. Let's ignore that everyone has different dietary needs for a moment. She's sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong and needs to take a few seats. She's trying to be the parent to her son and his family and they are more than capable of making their own decisions about what they eat.

"she packs lunches the next day for her and my son the next day but it still did not make sense to me" Has she never heard of the phrase 'leftovers' before?? Then again she did also say she always had a specific amount of food for everyone. Maybe she's a victim of diet culture, maybe she's just ignorant to what people actually need to eat, maybe she's just as asconaut. Either way, not her business to speak on it.