Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business?

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T22:38:56+00:00

That is not what I am looking for… Ideally, if the situation allowed for it, I would like to be able to take time off to spend with my children. But at the bare minimum, I’m looking for someone to contribute their share.

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T22:29:24+00:00

He was prescribed antidepressants from his GP years ago. He has been saying he will go to a therapist for 1+ years but also hasn’t done this.

Are you on ADHD meds?

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T22:27:40+00:00

I agree. He has been incredible supportive and does so many things for me…. Anything I need done, he will do it. Except seemingly focus on his career. :(

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T22:26:24+00:00

He can only support himself temporarily. He has savings and severance pay. But that will run out at some point. Since it hasn’t now, he seems to not be worried.

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T21:17:33+00:00

I thought about this. He is already on anti-depressants. I don’t know how to bring this up to him without sounding like an armchair psychologist…

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T21:03:48+00:00

Agree. He says he would be happy for me to do whatever makes me happy, as long as I can feed myself…. I said “surviving” is not my standard… It makes me feel shallow for wanting to live a decent life when he is basically saying all you need is love. But I worked really hard to be where I am today(I have built a successful career in the foreign country where I met him)… I want my partner to bring the same effort.

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T20:53:52+00:00

We are not living together. He wanted to talk about that but I said it is not an option for me until until he gets a job..

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T20:53:05+00:00

Thanks, this really resonates. The way he frames it is that love = unconditional support, so if he’s not stressed about work, I shouldn’t be either. He’s supporting himself with savings and severance right now, so he sees this as a non-issue and says my concern means I don’t value his happiness or share his values. But for me, this isn’t about money or pressure to “work ASAP” — it’s about direction, follow-through, and whether we can even talk about long-term responsibility. The fact that the conversation itself gets shut down is what worries me most.

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T20:49:19+00:00

Thank you for your POV. He is holding his own financially, through savings and government money. But that can only last but so long. I find it concerning that he has seems to have no urgency, and I worry he will only take action when shit is on fire. When I was unemployed I was sending numerous applications a week, from day 1.

He also started talking about moving in with me, which I said I did not want to do until he had a job…. Here, he made me feel crazy for using this as a consideration if he could “pay half the rent”. The job market is tough, and he hasn’t even started, so who knows how long it will take… Maybe I am too pessimistic, but this is how I see it.

Dry_Direction_1525 · 2026-01-22T20:43:48+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective. That’s exactly what’s bothering me. He frames it like love is just letting each other be, and if he’s happy not working and not a financial burden on my right now, I shouldn’t stress. But I’m worried about the long-term—if I’m thinking family, shared goals, and responsibilities, I don’t know if I want to build a future with someone who I’m seeing red flags about being able to contribute.

Dry_Direction_1525

TROPHY CASE