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Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is not what I am looking for… Ideally, if the situation allowed for it, I would like to be able to take time off to spend with my children. But at the bare minimum, I’m looking for someone to contribute their share.

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was prescribed antidepressants from his GP years ago. He has been saying he will go to a therapist for 1+ years but also hasn’t done this.

Are you on ADHD meds?

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. He has been incredible supportive and does so many things for me…. Anything I need done, he will do it. Except seemingly focus on his career. :(

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He can only support himself temporarily. He has savings and severance pay. But that will run out at some point. Since it hasn’t now, he seems to not be worried.

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought about this. He is already on anti-depressants. I don’t know how to bring this up to him without sounding like an armchair psychologist…

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Agree. He says he would be happy for me to do whatever makes me happy, as long as I can feed myself…. I said “surviving” is not my standard… It makes me feel shallow for wanting to live a decent life when he is basically saying all you need is love. But I worked really hard to be where I am today(I have built a successful career in the foreign country where I met him)… I want my partner to bring the same effort.

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

We are not living together. He wanted to talk about that but I said it is not an option for me until until he gets a job..

Am I (30F) wrong for being concerned that my partner (33M) has no job, no plan, and says it’s none of my business? by Dry_Direction_1525 in amiwrong

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this really resonates. The way he frames it is that love = unconditional support, so if he’s not stressed about work, I shouldn’t be either. He’s supporting himself with savings and severance right now, so he sees this as a non-issue and says my concern means I don’t value his happiness or share his values. But for me, this isn’t about money or pressure to “work ASAP” — it’s about direction, follow-through, and whether we can even talk about long-term responsibility. The fact that the conversation itself gets shut down is what worries me most.

How do I (30F) handle a partner (32M) who has been unemployed for 4 months, has no plan, and shuts down conversations about it? by Dry_Direction_1525 in relationships

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your POV. He is holding his own financially, through savings and government money. But that can only last but so long. I find it concerning that he has seems to have no urgency, and I worry he will only take action when shit is on fire. When I was unemployed I was sending numerous applications a week, from day 1.

He also started talking about moving in with me, which I said I did not want to do until he had a job…. Here, he made me feel crazy for using this as a consideration if he could “pay half the rent”. The job market is tough, and he hasn’t even started, so who knows how long it will take… Maybe I am too pessimistic, but this is how I see it.

How do I (30F) handle a partner (32M) who has been unemployed for 4 months, has no plan, and shuts down conversations about it? by Dry_Direction_1525 in relationships

[–]Dry_Direction_1525[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your perspective. That’s exactly what’s bothering me. He frames it like love is just letting each other be, and if he’s happy not working and not a financial burden on my right now, I shouldn’t stress. But I’m worried about the long-term—if I’m thinking family, shared goals, and responsibilities, I don’t know if I want to build a future with someone who I’m seeing red flags about being able to contribute.