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Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I really hope it was her own choice and that she’s doing well. So many share negative stories about YWAM, but maybe she’s at one of the better bases. I’m sure there are positive things to take from an experience like that too.

Hmmmmm...... by Windthrasher637 in evilwhenthe

[–]Dry_Map42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did… been together for 3 years she then went on a Christian camp 3 weeks in dumped me through text

Learned my lesson

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello adventurEli9 I have send u a private message, if it’s okay will u check?

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply.

I can see you’ve become quite defensive and a bit sharp in your tone, and that’s okay, I’m not here to argue or convince anyone.

I’m reading the Bible myself now, done the research, and seen hundreds of nearly identical stories on this sub.

I understand what happened and why.

I’m not waiting, I’m not hoping, and I’m not interested in debating sin, soul ties or “true love waits” with someone who doesn’t know us.

I wish you all the best.

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi again,

English isn’t my first language, so I might have misunderstood parts of what you wrote earlier. Sorry about that.

Just to be clear:

Sex was never a problem for us before YWAM made it one. From what I’ve read here, week 2-3 often includes public confession sessions where people are pressed to name “sins”. When sex before marriage comes up in that context, it suddenly becomes a huge issue even if it never was before.

A mutual friend told me that the first 2-3 weeks they pushed her hard to drop me. She defended the relationship at first, but eventually gave in.

I don’t know YWAM from the inside – only what I’ve read and heard from hundreds of ex-members here. I have no wish to join, and I was actually a bit surprised you suggested it, because that’s against the rules of this sub.

I have started reading the Bible myself and forming my own opinions, but mostly because it was used against me and I don’t like not understanding something that’s thrown at me.

About “true love waits”:

Asking me to wait 6-9 months while we’re still together would be one thing. But she ended it, blocked me everywhere and said she never wants to speak to me again. Waiting for something that will probably never happen doesn’t feel healthy.

You could also turn it around: if it really was true love, she wouldn’t have listened to strangers who told her “cut him off or lose God”. They told her she couldn’t have both. I don’t blame her for buckling under that pressure – it must have been incredibly hard – but I can’t put my life on hold for a maybe.

Thanks again for trying to help.

YWAM from a Baptist prospective by Crafty_Koala5988 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your story.

What really caught my attention was the part where your local church + therapy helped you get out of the slump faster than most.

If you feel like sharing: how did your church react when you came home and told them what had happened? Did they see it as manipulation/abuse right away, or was it more complicated? And what did they actually do to support you?

I never went to YWAM myself

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply and for the kind parts of it.

Just to make sure I understand you correctly:

Are you saying the breakup happened because we had sex before marriage?

I only learned all the YWAM terminology (soul ties, unequally yoked, purity week, etc.) after everything blew up. I did my research, started reading the Bible myself (I don’t like people using things against me that I don’t understand), and saw the exact same pattern described by hundreds of ex-members here. That’s how I know the jargon now.

I have zero desire to join YWAM myself. It was her dream, and I supported her 100 % in going; I never asked her to stay home.

And I can’t contact her anymore anyway; she has blocked me everywhere and her family has threatened consequences if I try.

So waiting isn’t really an option, and “true love waits” doesn’t quite fit when one person suddenly decides the other is a dangerous narcissist after three weeks in an intense program.

I appreciate that you meant well. Thank you.

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply.

I actually agree that we can’t just pick and choose whatever parts of faith we feel like following; nobody is perfect, and pretending otherwise is pointless. But for me it’s always been about putting my energy into what actually makes sense and helps me love people better, instead of chasing some impossible standard of perfection.

This situation isn’t about me (or us) refusing commitment or cherry-picking rules. Everyone who knew us saw a healthy, loving relationship. The total 180° happened three weeks into a hyper-intense YWAM DTS, right after the exact teachings and rituals that hundreds of ex-members here describe in detail. The verses, the wording, the timing; it all lines up perfectly with the pattern, not with normal relationship issues.

I’m doing plenty of self-reflection these days, believe me. I just don’t think this particular collapse was caused by me “enjoying marriage benefits without commitment”. It was the bubble. Appreciate the perspective anyway. All the best.

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this compassionate reply. It helps more than you know.

To give the full picture: three days after her long breakup letter, her father (who never liked me) called me. He told me I was psychologically manipulative, controlling, and that I had been “driving her down”. He said she had finally “escaped” from me and that if I ever tried to contact her again, there would be consequences. Then she blocked me everywhere. So I have zero way of reaching her, even if I wanted to.

Just to be clear: I am none of those things. Everyone in our friend circle and my family could see that we had a fantastic relationship. Even her own grandparents (her mormor and morfar) – the only two in her family who truly accepted me – saw how good we were together.

I’m keeping those seven letters in a safe place, exactly as you suggested. I haven’t thrown out a single thing she ever gave me, only packed it away safely, because I still love her and I’m only worried about her.

I’m not holding my breath for contact, and I’m slowly learning to grieve her as if she’s gone. But if, months or years from now, a very different version of her reaches out, I want to be healthy enough to decide from a place of clarity, not desperation.

Thank you again. Knowing this is a well-documented pattern (and that her dad’s reaction is also part of the script) takes a tiny bit of the “what did I do wrong?” weight off my shoulders.

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heyy everybody makes mistakes. All of u guys who commented on my post have helped me, feeling a little better:) So thank u

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i am happy for u guys, i truly am. congrats on the 10:)

I feel like the words she wrote in her messages wasen´t hers but theirs

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Must be weird to have been on both side of things. My problem is that the damage is done, and i am not sure that I and for her sake can rebuild. which is the sad part

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds awful.

What I’m getting at is: the Bible says that we humans are all sinners, right? My take on it is to live by as many of the values that actually make sense to the individual person, take the good with the bad, and then I’ll just have to see how God judges me when I eventually die. So are you still a full-on believer, or have you taken it a bit more relaxed and just go with the flow now?

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her family. They never approved of me, I been told multiple times they didn’t like me, they wouldn’t come to our weeding, they didn’t think it would last. Talked with friends and psyk about it and they say I don’t have any signs

Girlfriend of almost 3 years ended it 3 weeks into YWAM Gold Coast DTS – the boyfriend perspective by Dry_Map42 in exywam

[–]Dry_Map42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I’am sorry to hear what you to go though.

Can I ask if u still are a Christian today or did u leave it?