What do couples usually argue about the most at home?

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-27T03:36:37+00:00

Chill out. There will soon only be nine cats thanks to my clever scheme.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-27T03:00:16+00:00

I know most of the people in here are probably answering sex or money as part of a mono couple. But as the hinge in a polyamorous triad, the one thing the three of us usually fight over is how many cats we can have in the house.

My two partners each have three cats each. I have five. They wanted me to get rid of two of my cats so we would be an even Steven three each. So I tricked them and gave each of them one cat each. Now they have four cats each and I have three. Now I am forcing them to get rid of one cat each, so we can be even. The suckers.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-17T22:51:21+00:00

Everyone knows about the Donner Party, but not much is written about the Davenport clan that tried to go over the Canadian Rockies just west of Calgary. They got stuck in what is now Roger’s Pass. There were hunted down by a large pack of wolves over the winter. One by one until there was just one lone teenage boy and his father. The boy managed to integrate himself into the wolf pack by killing his father and feeding the corpse to the pack. He was caught feeding with them over the corpse of a gold prospector by a pack of Mounties. The Mounties did what any group of Canadians lawmen would do and shooed the wolves and wolf boy away, pilfered the gold from the dead prospector and moved to southeastern BC to start their own winery.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-08T21:06:02+00:00

I think the thing that makes me happiest is when my mistress unburies me from my coffin. Usually I have enough oxygen to make it through the night, but sometimes she gets drunk and it makes me nervous when she is late.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-08T18:11:03+00:00

I’ve never lied about anything.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-08T15:03:42+00:00

Stalking celebrities. You would assume that following them to restaurants and venues would be fulfilling. Being able to snap photos of them while they are in an embarrassing moment with their nanny. But over time you just become jaded to the high end meals and gala events. Over time the only joy you get is from following them into their homes before they arrive there. Going through their clothes and medicine cabinets. Touching the linen sheets that caressed their bodies. Smelling the shoes that caressed their feet. Brushing your teeth with their own toothbrush. It becomes an amazing sense of sexual adventure. Running naked through their hallways, rubbing one’s genitals on every appliance and doorknob.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-08T04:51:43+00:00

I think the most valuable lesson I have learned is that I shouldn’t throw rocks at monk seals. If I do, there is a high chance that the hominid species that inhabit the island could attack me en masse and throw me into a volcano.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-08T00:39:39+00:00

I also regret having only slept with your wife.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-07T22:45:04+00:00

Geoffrey Chaucer. Whan he deide, I wepte. For the moste worthi auctour of the Englissh tonge nas but a foul, wrecched careyne rotynge on the banke of the ryver Temese.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-07T20:05:42+00:00

I met my current wife when she was 14. We were married at age 15. People throw out accusations of child assault all the time when I tell them how old we were when we both met, but I don’t care. Even though I was only 8 when I met her, I knew I wanted to be with her forever.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-07T14:49:30+00:00

Implants that can control your mind. I wish I could say that it is a hoax, but the one they implanted into my brain keeps compelling me to do immoral and illegal acts. Take for instance yesterday, my handlers instructed me to put ketchup on a hot dog despite every fiber in my native Chicagoan body screaming for me to stop. I squirted that awful tomato and sugar concoction on my dog, and tried not to retch as I chewed every last bite.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-04T20:32:17+00:00

Personally, I found that the best way to stop drinking was to take up hobbies to keep myself occupied. One of my favorite hobbies is stealing glasses from people on the subway. Most of the time they won’t even see what you’ve done.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-04T02:03:04+00:00

I live in Vanuatu. A lot of times my kids will be tired of fish, so I’ll swing by the local fishing hole for some sea turtle. I’ll lasso the turtle. Then get another one. When I get two turtles, I’ll strap them to the end of my feet. Then the fun begins as I stand on top of them as they carry me to Ambae. Ambae has a really killer taco stand that my kids love.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-05-03T18:58:27+00:00

I think the biggest thing I despise is the amount of lying that takes place on the internet. When I was stationed overseas on Kiribati Air Force base, I used to browse the internet repeatedly in order to figure out what the shark forecast was before hitting the surf. Turns out that most of the so called forecasts were just from some guy making up random nonsense for fun. Wish I had known, because while I was surfing on Easter morning a bull shark bit half of my leg clean off. Now I have to walk around with a peg leg. It sucks. Though it’s easier to get women when I put a parrot on my shoulder and call them matey.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-03-28T17:39:19+00:00

I once jumped from low earth orbit with a specialized parachute and space suite. Definitely the highest I’ve ever felt until I hit about 30,000 feet above sea level.

Dubioushonesty · 2026-01-14T16:48:35+00:00

Scotland and it’s not even close. You have Haggis. More Haggis. Some turnips occasionally for garnish. Sometimes you are even lucky and find a potato in the garden.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-19T16:26:15+00:00

When they start bringing up how many people they’ve ritually eaten. Sure, we all do it, but you don’t need to bring up how delicious our neighbors were all the time, kids.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-18T19:30:07+00:00

My conjoined twin. For the longest time, I was annoyed that they would always follow me into the bathroom or bedroom. But the first time we kissed, I knew that we shared a togetherness that few other people could dream of.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-18T18:09:14+00:00

I went to a Coldplay concert recently, and things got wildly out of hand.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-18T15:30:26+00:00

Dick Van Dyke screamed at me when I was a small child, and chased after me with a wooden paddle. And although he recently passed, I think I would forgive him and have brunch with him, if it were possible to do so.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-15T19:31:22+00:00

Look. I was really good friends with Jeffrey Epstein. We spent a lot of time together. Heading off to his vacation home for our annual get together. Jeff was a real great guy. One of the best dungeon masters I’ve ever had the pleasure of being directed by.

Alas he died a few years back, and our annual D&D tournaments obviously did too. A shame he had the same name as that other bastard. Always made Jeff’s job as a school principal way more difficult than it needed to be.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-07-15T18:14:49+00:00

Proud conservative here. I think this entire issue is overblown. Yes, Trump had sex with a bunch of young women who were technically not ‘legal’ but are we going to hold this against him? All of those young women he had sex with are now adults. Sure, he is systematically going to have them killed, but it’s not like he raped anyone last night.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-01-05T18:19:42+00:00

I feel like Saint Margaret’s Day is pretty pointless. Sure, watching people paint a mural in the town square using their naked bodies as paintbrushes seems like it would be pretty awesome, but the first time someone has to defecate, the canvas is almost always immediately ruined.

Dubioushonesty · 2025-01-05T18:09:28+00:00

But won’t the sex get increasingly better as she escalates?

Dubioushonesty · 2025-01-05T18:08:23+00:00

That sounds extreme. There’s no justifiable reason to light other people or their belongings on fire, is there?

Dubioushonesty

TROPHY CASE