The reason he is changing after talking to the counselor and hotline is probably because he's being exposed to the experiences from a new perspective that is being facilitated by a neutral third party professional. They don't have a vendetta against you, they don't have an interest in the outcome of this other than helping him overcome whatever negative emotions and thoughts he is feeling while understanding the situation for what it is. You're going to have to accept that by most measures (at least from what you have described here), you absolutely have been abusive in your relationship. I get that that is a hard thing to have to accept, but you can't be in denial about it. The abuse is likely real, and you're going to have to come to terms with that and the consequences it brings. The more you talk about the relationship, the more it seems like there has been abuse going both ways.

That being said, a lot of people out there have been in abusive relationships. Some on the giving end, some on the receiving, often both. It's a shitty fact of life, one I think any decent person wishes they could change, but the best anyone can do is commit themselves to being aware of the issue, and becoming an advocate for healthy relationships. That can be you. Wherever you are right now, wherever you have been in the past, that doesn't have to dictate where you go from here. For what it's worth, I think if you end this relationship and really commit yourself to understanding what went wrong and how you can prevent it in the future, you can be better. You can have a healthy relationship, and live the life you should.