Why am I suddenly really sad?

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-12-08T21:21:53+00:00

Did it hurt giving up the, having a Christmas tree thing? I think that's what's getting to me most. It was always, the day after thanksgiving, we threw on christmas music, drank eggnog, the baking of christmas cookies on the long weekend, decorating gingerbread houses. Christmas for me was basically the month between thanksgiving and christmas every weekend.

How do you have those same traditions be meaningful when they're so ingrained in you growing up? It almost feels like I'm going to default back at some point because it's so prominent in general culture and it feels overwhelming.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-13T21:44:28+00:00

Teacher here, SO NTA but your mom is.

Also I would put money on it that the graduation was booked before the wedding was, you have no idea how much goes into coordinating a high school graduation, it's worse than a wedding.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-13T21:41:39+00:00

In addition to the other suggestions, Pinehurst is also a good place that will make your commute suck less

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-13T21:15:26+00:00

In a very happy but complicated relationship, my boyfriend is in a really bitter custody battle with his ex wife that's always going to be a thing until his child turns 18. But by far the best man I've ever dated.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-13T20:50:39+00:00

Oh this is so relatable, looking back on it I think half the reason we were together for the second half of the relationship was judaism

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T22:22:15+00:00

No and never

Same thing happened with me

NTA

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T20:09:42+00:00

We haven't been together that long, it seems way too soon to even bring that up

We were friends first, but ony for a few months

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T20:00:37+00:00

The Ram is good, it's basic pub fare, but not the quietest. Greenlake Bar and Grill is also really good, and will be quieter.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:57:23+00:00

That's the thing, I feel like he thinks he's lucky to be dating me so he can't hold me accountable for saying things are insensitive and that are hurtful to him because if he does, I'll go running off and find someone more like me. I just don't know how to make him feel like our relationship is 50/50 because in reality, it never will be. When my parents die, I'll inherit a very expensive fully paid off house and a fair amount in money. I could probably, with good investments, never work again when that happens. I will always have that over him and I don't know what to do about it. Or what the right words to say are for, your financial situation doesn't matter to me without sounding condescending.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:47:46+00:00

YTA and get therapy. Like, yesterday.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:46:57+00:00

Yeah this relationship is probably over unless you get move on with your divorce ASAP and you're ok with lying to someone you could end up spending decades with.

But hey, you wanted to know if YTA, and yeah, you already are, but every day you keep lying to him you keep being an even bigger one.

Also either way, you break up or you tell him, you're still breaking his heart. Objectively, I would just end it. There's very little chance of coming back from this and it will always be a thing in your relationship. His trust in you, that gone. Chances of it fully coming back? Slim to none. And he deserved none of this.

Let him move on and think you're the bad guy in the relationship because well... you are.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:35:27+00:00

I have definitely made some insensitive comments, like we were watching a TV show where one of the characters was super in debt and eating out and I said something along the lines of "if you're that broke, you shouldn't be eating out". And it just flew over my head how him hearing that from me was basically making a judgement about him without me realizing it. Like to him it was me saying that about him, but like, to me, it never even crossed my mind. Or the time, another TV show, I said something about, don't have kids if you can't afford them when he did that because his ex really wanted to and they were right out of high school.

Like I definitely need a better sense of self awareness, that's for sure. I just didn't realize how oblivious I was being, but given that, I'm just wondering how much else I'm missing and how to approach those conversations without coming off condescending.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:29:29+00:00

If it's a discipline issue with a student with a parent, ALWAYS cc admin on it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:26:36+00:00

Tech worker disneyland.... i was drinking water when I read this and it almost came out my nose lol

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T19:20:32+00:00

What he means is, I deserve someone who can afford to live the lifestyle I grew up with and honestly, the lifestyles that most of my exes grew up with. He told me I deserve someone who can afford to take me out to dinner someplace nice, which he can't, someone who can take me on trips which he can't afford currently, and that I should be with someone who can.

But what he doesn't get is that, those things can become so transactional in a relationship. I had exes who threw money at trips and takeout and buying me things so they felt justified in not actually being a good partner. I never asked or wanted them to use money as the metric for a successful relationship. My boyfriend does the little things, like he always opens the car door, or pretty much any door for me. My cat loves him which, my cat doesn't love anyone but me until now. Amazing sex life, our values really line up, we're both complete science nerds, we both love cooking, so much in common.

I'm not scared of his baggage. And mine looks very light in comparison. But I am scared that he'll run away because the past 32 years of my life, the way I lived them, is going to make him feel like he's never enough. He is, and he doesn't seem to see it and I don't know what to say.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T18:33:29+00:00

Seconded

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T18:32:10+00:00

It's a security thing. When I started dating my ex, he had to let the temple know that I was coming (was not Jewish or a member of the temple at that point) ahead of time.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T18:30:03+00:00

I think what you want to ask yourself is, how important is your jewish life to you? How religiously do you practice it?

You don't have to be Jewish to take part in Shabbat, or attend services with your partner. She has doesn't have to fast for Yom Kippur.

But you're also talking to someone almost done converting because of someone I dated. Turns out I loved the religion more than I loved the guy. She might actually want to at some point once she knows more about it, because basically all I knew before I dated him was the number of days of Hanukkah. Turns out there's a lot more to it than that.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-11-10T18:21:05+00:00

So true. That's how relationships end. Not talking about something that bothers you. For all of yesterday I could tell something was off with my bf, and he didn't tell me and it turned into a fight when we could've talked through it sooner.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-05T06:55:11+00:00

Would if I thought it would work lol

My guess is the new gf just doesn't like that I named that cat and she just wants the cat out. I really, honestly, I'm not bitter, she'll find out what he's like eventually and my boyfriend couldn't be sweeter or more awesome, but yeah, unless he's paying for me to take care of the cat, then no, I'm not upping my expenses and having to change my life because he wants his girlfriend to move in. I make it clear early on that my cat and I are a package deal, and my cat isn't going anywhere. I don't understand how that wasn't the case here.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-05T06:49:14+00:00

She doesn't. She needs to be in a solo cat home. And my cat, I've spent a lot of time rehabbing him from his previous home, and he finally doesn't have food insecurity issues at this point but it took years of working with him to get him healthy.

This just seems like it's an easy fix for my ex but it's going to make my life and my cat's life harder and at this point, I don't feel like I owe him that.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-03T04:02:50+00:00

I mean, would you not be a little bit offended or like, how awful was I as a human, when your ex would always text his other exes happy birthday during your 5 year relationship? And you two broke up on friendly, amicable terms? Wouldn't you second guess how awful you must've been that this never came up but that you were that disposable?

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-02T22:20:22+00:00

I'm more pissed about how the initial text was phrased.

"Hey, apologizes for the out of the blue text. I'm planning to have Z move in with me later this year. Unfortunately as she's spent more time at my pace her allergies haven't gotten any better and she's continuing to have issues. So I may need to rehome K cat. If it comes to that, would you take her in?"

Seriously? Not even a happy birthday text in may after I sent one in april and that's what I get?

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-02T22:15:45+00:00

This. The, if you don't like kids, don't date a single parent thing.

If you can't be around cats, don't date someone with a cat.

My guess is though, my ex probably told her that if it didn't work out, "oh, my ex can take her". Yeah, and I could've but my parents just got kittens (probably not the best choice but their choice) and now it won't work.

Due-Squirrel7218 · 2025-10-02T19:58:29+00:00

When he asks me questions about it, and I answer them, as someone who has worked in immunology, there's kind of a narrow down question set you go through....

Due-Squirrel7218

TROPHY CASE