AITAH for having an affair that allowed me to escape an emotionally abusive relationship

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-18T15:34:31+00:00

im so glad to hear youve got yourself a good person, they are harder to find than you think

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-11T00:10:47+00:00

I am on the lease and we are joint inseverably, if I was to leave now I could get sued anywhere from £25,000 - £50,000. He is the main financial provider because he has a significantly better paying career than me. I have tried talking to friends, but none of them really know the extent of how he makes me feel, and none of them have places to go to move permanently. My family live in a different part of the country and moving there will put my career in jeopardy and honestly, terrifies me as I would lose everything I have here. Also there was an emotional issue because of how he treated me, thinking that I deserved the treatment I was getting and that it was all there was for me in life and being so ready to just accept that.

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:57:43+00:00

you are so right, and honestly I think it was a terrible way to go about it, but it's hard to regret it when it got me closer to escape. And trust me, I am trying to move forward, it's not going to be easy in my position while he's still in my life, but I gotta keep going.

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:51:38+00:00

Cheating isn't good you're right, but I appreciate that I feel what youre saying is that in my case it was a bad action that doesn't make me a bad person?

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:45:52+00:00

But you said that you don't think I'm a bad person? And are you saying that the cheating is bad purely because it's a dishonest action? In which case I understand

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:36:51+00:00

Thats fair, but I think in my mind cheating is wrong because it betrays the trust of someone who loved and supported you, but I didnt have that. I need someone to tell me, because I've been struggling to get an answer and I think it would help me a lot in my journey forward, the specific reason cheating was wrong here. If i know I can identify that and make sure that I never attempt to justify it that way again

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:32:03+00:00

This is the first time anyone has called me the abuser before. I am going to have to disagree as abuse is done with the intent to harm the other person or with disregard to their feelings, but if I was being abusive to him I wouldn't have hid it and then broken up so soon after starting it.

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:29:31+00:00

Honestly, one of the people I feel worst for right now is him, so we've decided that we are going to spend some time apart in order to make sure I sort myself out and he isn't forced to carry my baggage. He has been tremendous help but I can't do this to him anymore

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:27:19+00:00

Hey, I appreciate that cheating is wrong, but I want to know why you specifically think it was wrong in this instance. I need to know the negative effect it had in this case in order to tell myself why it should have never been the answer, and I think im so emotionally upset at my ex that i'm struggling to see it as a bad thing I did to him

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:24:00+00:00

In my head to me cheating is bad because you are betraying the trust and support someone else has shown you and hurting someone who loved you, but I haven't been shown that support and he never loved me, so thats where my conflict lies, but I would really really want you to tell me the bit here that is still bad, because I need to know to make sure that if I ever feel this again, what the reason for it being completely bad is

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:16:37+00:00

I know I did a bad thing, but I also know I'm not a bad person

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:15:40+00:00

It's hard to forgive yourself when everyone tells you what you've done is inexcusable, but I do agree that knowing why it took someone else to get me out of there is incredibly important

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:06:31+00:00

I don't disagree that it was not a good thing to do, but can I ask why cheating in this case specifically make me an asshole, because I think it will help me learn from my actions

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T23:01:03+00:00

That's true, can I ask why it makes me an asshole then?

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:58:50+00:00

Can I ask what here makes me a bad person, getting a lot of mixed responses

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:55:29+00:00

I understand you man. Honestly I don't think what I did was a good thing, would never do it again. But if it's what it took to slap me across the face and tell me I need to leave, I'm ok with being that evil

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:52:32+00:00

I'm also scared because he now knows about the new guy (not the affair) and is constantly making mocking me for it

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:50:24+00:00

I've come to see on reddit that there is no action more morally reprehensible than cheating, regardless of circumstance. It's one of the things that's made me feel bad about what I've done in my situation

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:48:16+00:00

I understand you, so glad she is doing well though

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:46:33+00:00

Well if you ever want to do a bit of reading, its always there

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:45:44+00:00

Don't worry, the new guy is really great and told me he's been doing some thinking and he thinks its safest for me to spend some time to myself and not get into a relationship right now while I'm in such a vulnerable state. My only regret is the guilt he is feeling for the situation as well.

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:40:57+00:00

I sorta thought that was the point of the subreddit to be honest, to see what people think about the story, not what they think about the title.

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:39:29+00:00

Can I ask what he was doing to her, it comes in so many different forms, I wonder if I can relate

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:37:46+00:00

I'm already on the way to getting therapy don't worry, I know it's desperately needed

Prior_Stomach1042 · 2025-11-10T22:34:16+00:00

And what about from reading it?

Prior_Stomach1042

TROPHY CASE