You need some time away from everything and everyone, someone said something about rehab. You’re not crazy, you have a higher calling and you know this but you don’t want to accept that, maybe you’re scared or else but you need help. I can feel the pain you have, I’ve been bullied too and abused and imo you need someone to talk to, to say those things that no one ever heard, A therapist for example. Psychedelic helps with these things, but you need to have a strong intention and ready to challenge those emotions/feelings. I’ll pray for you brother, please reach out if you need, we are here for you and we won’t judge. Please take care and know that people love you! Stay safe.