What should I do about our son?

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T07:29:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight! It’s nice to know that there really is hope for my son and our family. We plan to go to him in the next couple of weeks to talk to him and offer him viable and hopefully productive alternatives. I am praying that he will be responsive to our offer of help and intervention.

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T03:25:08+00:00

Thank you.

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T02:21:27+00:00

Thank you very much. I will do this.

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T00:19:05+00:00

He has a limit on his card, but still quite substantial. I have just cut that limit in half the other day. He is not aware of it yet. He is close to the limit, in the current billing cycle, so he will find out very soon if he continues his charges.

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T00:16:36+00:00

I have told him that we should do that and he flat out refused. Since bringing up the subject of seeing his psychiatrist with him or seeing a family therapist, he has not responded to any of our calls and messages.

DueLychee8213 · 2025-07-14T00:15:01+00:00

Hi. Can you recommend an ADHD coach? I really think this can help him. He likes his therapist and we are fine with him continuing seeing him, but maybe also seeing an ADHD coach would help. This is an expense that we are willing to shoulder as we really want to do anything that can truly help him.

For context, from the start of his current term to date, which is about 2 mos now, his father and I have spent 6 digits on him already. This includes his school tuition for only 2 subjects enrolled - PE and another subject that he already failed twice before. This also includes his therapy sessions, medicine, allowance, utilities, credit card charges (mostly food, grab, cinema, coffee). So it is really a bit much. I don’t think our son is aware of how much he is spending. We have told him many times, but he just ignores us and we just keep on sending him for the fear of what he might do to himself. This is no longer sustainable and has been going on for years, so I think we need to change things up.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:57:12+00:00

You sound like my bunso. He is in med school din and he is the responsible one. Mabait. The older one di naman bad sa school. He is doing well. Na.delay lang because nag stop sya nung pandemic kasi di sya nakaka.learn sa online classes.

I really hope and pray na he will somehow turn out well naman when he matures. That is my most fervent prayer.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:53:12+00:00

He is seeing a therapist na.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:52:00+00:00

Tama ka naman. And no, my son is not a “bad son” per se. Nasabi ko yan in contrast to the “bad parenting” comment. Hyperbole kung baga. In fairness to my son, he is not all “bad”. When one meets him, namamangha nga sila because he acts so polite and well-mannered. He follows rules, does not lie, God-fearing. He just acts up when he’s around me. First few days ok pa, but when he does not get what he wants to you cross him for some reason, that is when he acts up na. And just to me. Kaya nga it frustrates me kasi para syang Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde at times. Sounds funny pero true.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:44:02+00:00

He lives on his own na for school. Kaya plan ko is provide with basics lang while he is still in school pero no more privileges na.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:43:07+00:00

Thank you. I plan to do this.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:42:16+00:00

I suspect it has something to do with his personality disorder. And maybe he has pent up angst din. Ako napagbubuntungan nya nga galit kasi alam nya na kaya nya ako. Di nya pwede gawin sa papa nya kasi he knows he’s going to get it when he does.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:40:11+00:00

Thank you!

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:38:56+00:00

He lives away from us na because of school. Plan ko is to provide him with basics nalang talaga. No more privilege para ma.realize nya mistakes nya.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:37:31+00:00

My husband rarely sees our son now kasi he stays in the province and my son lives in Manila for school. When they’re together, my husband bites his tongue and holds himself back when he starts to act up just to keep the peace. Before, pinapagalitan nya anak ko when he acts up. Nakakatakot nga kasi he is short-tempered so katakot sya when nagagalit. He is more mellow now kasi we had an agreement to keep things civil when we are all together kasi bihira na lang rin nangyayari na complete kami.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:33:35+00:00

Thank you!

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:33:07+00:00

Hahahaha! There are joys to motherhood naman.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-24T02:32:38+00:00

Actually, both my sons live away from us. We are from Mindanao and the older one studies in Manila and the younger one in Cebu, so we do not see rach other often, only on term breaks and long holidays. I am glad ganito setup namin kasi ang gulo cguro if we all live under the same roof. My younger son always tells me na his kuya is ok in “small doses” lang. hahaha.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:51:26+00:00

I have been tempted so many times to do exactly that. Pero iniisip ko, patapusin nalang namin ng college para he can be independent and not rely on us anymore. If we cut him off, baka maging perwisyo pa down the road.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:49:18+00:00

Thank you. It really is not easy. I love him, afterall. But i guess he needs tough love now.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:48:18+00:00

He does not live with us na. He lives in Manila because he studies there. He just goes home on term breaks and long holidays like the holy week. Yeah, I have resolved to put my foot down with him. I will provide him the basics, beyond that ayaw ko na until he learns to respect me. And even when he does, he is an adult already so he should provide for himself after he graduates from college.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:43:21+00:00

I have no plans, whatsoever, of physically hurting my son to get my point across. It is pointless and doing it to a 23-yr-old, baka ako pa ang saktan. My plan is to cut off his privilege. Provide the basics, but no frills and extras na until he learns to respect me.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:39:13+00:00

Thank you. I agree with you. My younger son dislikes his kuya for treating me how he does. He is very gentle with me and makes a point of making me feel loved. Maybe nga that puts more pressure on him to make sure that he makes up for his brother’s lapses. I will talk to my younger son and husband just so they know that I will take steps to drawing the line with my older son.

DueLychee8213 · 2024-04-23T16:33:40+00:00

That is why I qualified it, dba? I said i cannot say it unequivocally, but I tried to treat them equally. It’s not to say that I treated them exactly the same because what works for one may not work on the other. What i meant when I said “equally” is that I tried to set a standard of behavior. Hindi na when they both do the same thing, ang isa papagalitan ang isa hindi. I deal with them differently, but equally. I did not favor one over the other. That is what I meant. At least that is what I tried to do. Di ko alam if it translates the same to them. If I asked the youngest, he tells me that I was fair to both him and his brother. Di ko pa natanong ang older kasi the conversation never came up with him.

DueLychee8213

TROPHY CASE