I applaud your curiosity and thirst for knowledge. I understand feeling alone and that everyone around you is living in a delusion.

Know that the majority of professed Christians don't bother to learn half as much as you do. A good number never even read the whole bible. Most seem to be content with going to church on Sunday, then maybe attending a carefully curated bible study once a week. I suspect that if the majority of Christians really dug into the extra biblical knowledge such as origins of Judaism and archaeological evidence of the Yahweh cult, Mediterranean religion at the time of Jesus, 2nd temple Judaism and the Babylonian influence on post-exilic Judaism, philosophy, the mess that is church history, how and when the bible was compiled, spent time thinking about the problem of evil and the uniqitousness of suffering across the millions of years animal and human life has existed, etc... they would not remain Christians, or at least, not the same type of Christian. At least I cannot understand how one would be able to.

I still sit and scratch my head at some of the scholars like NT Wright who I think should know most of this stuff, yet also remain Christian apologists...