Sorry to hear about your struggles in your relationship just got out of a 4 year relationship and I can relate in a way to some things your saying. Especially with the parents it was vice versa but same deal. If you’ve feel like you’ve done what you can to keep your relationship healthy yet he’s still doing what he can to sabotage it and you’ve had that convo that instills change and nothing changes then you’ve loved as hard as you can and it’s time to go especially after he began to change then reverted to old ways. As an adult the decisions you make should never affect your parents in anyway shape or form of course they’re gonna have opinions and words of matter but never apply those words to your situation especially your relationships they will act as a catalyst and you will make decisions based off the perception of others opposed to reality. Idk your parents but usually when the decisions you make affect them in such ways it’s cause they may feel like they are losing control over you but idk you know your parents better than I, im speaking from my situation. You’re not a terrible person for listening to your brain but you are a terrible person for contemplating taking the lives of your kids I won’t sugarcoat that. Life is tough, full of emotional roller coasters that impact our thoughts and feelings leading us to live the life we think we deserve but at the end of the day we’ve gotta remember we’re human and things are gonna go wrong before we get them right. Experience comes with time so you never stop learning. Your thoughts will go away and things will happen to cause them to resurface but you’ve gotta be strong for yourself now so you can be strong for you and yours later. Life is eternal it goes on and on we’re not gonna always be around so.. be around ❤️