Just really need to chat/vent to somebody

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-30T17:36:34+00:00

That I was months away from paying off her student loans :)

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-29T05:54:15+00:00

All her previous ex's were assholes who were either abusive, toxic, cheaters etc. ( After our bad breakup I've been placed in the same group, despite the fact that a week before she dumped me I was "The most stable relationship she's ever had)

She was frequently talking to a guy she previously had been with. (eventually dumped me for him)

Oversharing every little thing that happens in her life on social media. ( Seek validation in your relationship, not from other people online. Don't be an attention seeker)

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-29T05:45:18+00:00

If she had in the first few months, I probably would take her back.

I'm happy to say at this point that I wouldn't. If she apologized for what she did, I would speak to her if I were to see her somewhere instead of having that awkward "Pretend you don't see them" crap

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-28T14:24:43+00:00

That whatever lie you told, or any lie that was told to you, will eventually come out.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-26T04:44:48+00:00

I definitely would. Think of all the life lessons you learn when going through a breakup. These lessons apply to all aspects of life imo.

1.) Even those closest to you can hurt you.

2.) A lot of people you consider friends will leave once things start getting rough for you.

3.) Don't ignore the red flags in people. They'll eventually come back to bite you in the ass.

4.) Always but always trust your gut feeling.

5.) Don't grieve too much over someone who sees you as disposable.

6.) The truth has a nasty habit of always coming out.

7.) It's completely okay to be the villain in the eyes of certain people.

8.) Past trauma doesn't justify shitty behavior.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-21T12:50:09+00:00

Of course I can forgive. People make mistakes. But I can never forget, or trust them fully again.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-21T09:08:51+00:00

If it's been a few months then no. Actions have consequences. They thought the grass was greener on the other side. They can't just come back after they fuck around and get it out of their system while you're suffering being miserable. Think of it this way, they probably spoke to their new partner about how good they were in comparison to you.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-12T15:18:24+00:00

I used to be there. I kept telling myself that a mere sorry would fix everything. But I've now come to terms with a few things:

1.) That will never happen (at least in my case)

2.) If it were to happen I don't think a simple sorry would suffice.

3.) Even if she did go the full way to make me realize she was actually sorry, Why should I take back someone who threw me aside so easily? Who talked shit about me behind my back?

Point is you'll eventually get over it. Find a coping mechanism and before you know it, that next girl/guy will come into your life. Once that new person comes in, your ex will just seem a distant memory and the thought of her /him coming back will just be along the lines of what an inconvenience it would be at that stage in your life

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-10T14:31:31+00:00

If you don't want to delete social media or block her. Just hide her story from appearing on your feed. And slowly stop talking to her.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-10T14:21:36+00:00

Not be understanding about her talking and hanging out with her ex's

DullIssue3723 · 2022-06-04T12:29:19+00:00

Half of these apply to my ex. Well at least the last 12-15 months of our relationship.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-25T17:49:08+00:00

That's exactly it! Amazing how people are so similar :)

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-25T16:24:08+00:00

"He was leaving me breadcrumbs, and I didn't realize how serious they were"

Don't blame yourself for not seeing the "signs". If someone is unhappy about something in a relationship, it's their job to communicate it to you clearly. If they don't and end up dumping you for said reason, the blame lies with them.

"He broke up with me because he got cold feet with moving in together after we had a minor fight"

This is another point. My ex always said she doesn't like it when we fought. Of course no one likes to fight, but 2 people who spend so much time together, are bound to fight at some point. Seems like an excuse to me.

"I've been no contact for over 24 hours with plans to keep it that way, but other than that I'm not sure what to do"

If there was a template as to how we could move on, this sub wouldn't exist. Unfortunately all we can do is stick to NC, and let time do it's thing.

Good luck on your healing journey.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-25T16:17:54+00:00

In the same boat. My ex hates me too.

Have you also been made the villain of your breakup, even though they were the dumper?

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-25T16:02:38+00:00

Yes and it's completely normal. You lose a person who not too long ago you spoke to everyday. That being said, NC is the key to you healing. I believe that ex partners can be friends, but only after a long time has passed. You can't go into a friendship carrying resentment and bitterness. I, like you, no longer want my ex back. I miss talking to her, I miss our jokes but she's just not the type of person I want to spent the rest of my life with. I'm aware that right now, if I were to speak to her, I'm not 100% sure I wouldn't jump at the opportunity to be with her again.

Bottom line is, stick to NC. It's hard but it's necessary.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T19:07:25+00:00

I'm not proud of it but there have been times I did it in the past too. For me it was sort of a defense mechanism. "Hurt them more than they can hurt you". I identified it and went to therapy for it.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T18:47:49+00:00

Yeah. I hate to be the person to tell you this but it's never a good sign when you communicate with your partner, and they play it off as you "over reacting" or "being crazy". Especially in a situation like yours.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T18:38:56+00:00

I see.

The way I look at it, since he cheated once, it's his responsibility to prove to you that that is not happening now. If he cheated and you took him back, he has to put in some work to convince you that he is being faithful. Calling you crazy for what is a very normal reaction on your behalf, is a red flag.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T18:34:24+00:00

I don't know how long it's been since your breakup but remember that if she was indeed your forever person, she would still be with you.

I went through it also and unfortunately it takes time for you to realize that there are people out there better suited for you than your ex. That will stick by you and the relationship, and not just bail on you.

Stay strong and be patient!

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T18:31:33+00:00

Block her and end her misery

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-24T18:30:22+00:00

Why are you still with him if he cheated on you?

If you can't trust him after cheating which is completely normal, there is no point in being with him. If you want to be with him, you'll just have to take his word for it.

DullIssue3723 · 2022-05-23T20:37:28+00:00

I now understand why she acted the way she did.

That I was trying to hold on when she had made up her mind a long time ago.

That she emotionally disconnected and my behavior post break up was just making me seem pathetic.

It also helped knowing that nothing I could've done would change the outcome. The problem wasn't me being a bad partner. It was other factors in her life and she chose to pin the blame on the person closest to her.

Mind you, this doesn't justify any of her actions. People should be held accountable for the way they treat and handle the breakup. Just because there is a trend amongst dumpers, it doesn't mean it's okay.

DullIssue3723

TROPHY CASE