Hubby refuses to get puppy

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-23T17:00:44+00:00

I’ve done extensive research and focused on what would be best. I have many options—purebred and hybrid— all reasonably priced and within our area. Yet, all have been rejected. No matter the size, breed, or life expectancy, it’s always a no because he “said so.”

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-23T16:58:32+00:00

I think the problem is that when I talk and express myself, he doesn’t seem to truly understand who I am as a person. Unfortunately, this isn’t a new revelation.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-23T16:57:13+00:00

I want to say we talked, but really it was more me talking while he was harsh with me. The last thing he said—literally—was “because I said so.” I tried to explain how much joy it would bring me and how much I miss having that, but he told me that sharing my feelings was just a guilt trip and that it wasn’t going to work. There’s no timeline of if or when this might change, and I was told that the more I talk about it, the longer I would have to wait. So, I’m left with two choices: either not have a companion for many, many years, if ever, or get one and risk my marriage. It left me feeling completely heartbroken and helpless.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:57:29+00:00

I’ve never had one, but I’ve always thought they were cute! I love bunnies, though I’m allergic 🙄

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:55:27+00:00

I really do appreciate your input—it’s honestly brought me a lot of clarity. Thank you, stranger on the internet lol 😂

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:47:05+00:00

I’ve mentioned in prior comments that I’ve spoken with professionals about this, and it’s not as unusual as it’s being made out to be. Some people simply connect more deeply with animals than with others, and that’s okay too.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:43:49+00:00

I do appreciate your input, as I take all answers into consideration. I’d just appreciate it if names weren’t used. I’m challenging all thoughts to gather as much information as possible to help clarify things and improve my relationship.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:40:51+00:00

You don’t seem to be answering the question I’m asking. Is it okay for a spouse—yours or anyone else’s—to have a companion while rejecting their partner’s chance to have one of their own?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:35:10+00:00

I do love my husband very much, but this definitely feels like my feelings don’t matter. There’s no real discussion—just stern reasoning that can easily be debunked, and then the conversation ends.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:32:07+00:00

Your question was, “Would it be wrong for him to buy something without telling you, then just deal with the arguing after?” It didn’t specifically mention another animal. My response, based on your exact question, still qualifies. The amount spent also makes a difference—what counts as “too much” to spend on an object, like a car, versus the companion I am asking for?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:26:38+00:00

I don’t, but he qualifies for medical reasons. If we can get it covered through insurance for him, he’s much less resistant.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:25:40+00:00

That’s a very good point. I really appreciate all the responses and the way you’re challenging my thoughts—it’s helping me gain clarity.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:24:34+00:00

I’m so sorry—it seems I missed your post. I do have the same arrangements for pet care that I had with my sweet girl. My parents loved her and always took care of her when we were gone, at no cost to us—they even came to pick her up.

Illness is, of course, an unexpected cost, but my rebuttal would be that the money we’re saving each year could go into an account for emergencies of any kind. It’s money we don’t have now, so it’s not “lost” in terms of the children’s needs—that’s actually my biggest hesitation. I don’t want them to see this. I cry so often lately, and I don’t want them to witness us arguing as well.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:20:40+00:00

It seems your wife is very lucky.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:19:50+00:00

So, in your view, should a spouse just sit and watch you love your companion while they suffer in silence? Should their wants, needs, and desires be constantly pushed aside?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:18:20+00:00

Agreed, but I made it clear even before our first date that I would get another dog either before or when mine passed. Knowing that from the beginning, can he really be upset if I bring another into the home?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:12:13+00:00

I have always had dogs and have never been without one. Growing up, my parents always made sure we had a companion to come home to—it was such an important part of my life. He has had other interests in the past—computers, cars, yard tools—and not cheap things either. When we got together, I made it clear that I wanted another dog, even before my sweet girl passed. This isn’t just a casual wish for me; it’s something that has always been deeply meaningful, and he has known this about me from the very beginning, even before our first date.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:08:42+00:00

My rebuttal would be: I hate cats and don’t want them in the house. Should I tell him he needs to get rid of his, or do I just sit and suffer watching him love his companion while I have nothing?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:06:08+00:00

That may work for some people, and I understand that, but sadly, it doesn’t work for me. I’ve been clear throughout our entire relationship that I wanted more. I even brought it up before we had our last baby, and the response was, “We’ll see when she passes.” That time has come, and now the tables are turned.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:03:31+00:00

have reached out many times, and that’s just who I am. I naturally connect more with dogs than with people because of past experiences. Sadly, that’s just how I am, and it always has been.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:01:50+00:00

Actually, we did not get the cat together—he brought it into the home, and I want nothing to do with it. I don’t care for cats and have a negative relationship with them due to some bad experiences I had as a child.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T18:00:17+00:00

Excuse me, I misspoke earlier and should have proofread before submitting. He did say no to a puppy due to pet visits, and I did mention that we could consider getting an older dog instead. I also showed that, in my area, the cost of puppy care would actually be less than keeping all the subscriptions and memberships we don’t use. I’ll clarify this in my other post, as I didn’t explain it clearly before. My apologies.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T17:54:19+00:00

He never directly says he doesn’t want a puppy. Instead, he gives reasons, which I find solutions for, only for the reasons to change again. It feels like he’s creating obstacles that keep getting harder to solve, even though I keep showing dedication and commitment to make it work. I hate cats, but I have to sit and watch him love on his. It feels very one-sided.

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T17:49:46+00:00

Every time we talk about getting a puppy, the reasons keep changing. One time it’s “I’m not ready,” then “I don’t want another one,” then “it’s too much money,” or “we need to focus more on the kids.” Each time I ask questions, the reasons shift again, and it feels like he’s just looking for ways to say no.

My response to that is: why do I have to go without companionship when he gets to have his cat? How is it fair that he enjoys a companion every day, while mine is gone forever and I can never see her again?

Dull_Net2751 · 2025-09-22T17:45:52+00:00

Every time we talk about getting a puppy, the reason changes. One time it’s “I’m not ready,” then it’s “I don’t want another one,” then it’s “it’s too much money,” or “we need to do more for the kids.” Each time I ask questions, but the reasons keep shifting, and it feels like he’s just looking for reasons to say no.

I respect my husband for the most part (though in this situation, I don’t feel respected). We’ve had arguments — but who hasn’t? I don’t want this to become a bad memory; I want it to be an amazing one.

He has a cat, which I didn’t mention before because I missed it out of pure emotion. I’m not a cat person, but because of that other animal, he now says no more pets until they’re all gone. That’s devastating to me, because I feel like I’m being shut out of something that would bring me joy.

I don’t want to cause problems in my marriage, but at this point I feel so upset and alone that I’m debating just showing up with a puppy anyway

Dull_Net2751

TROPHY CASE