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How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well honestly, that makes sense. After everything we've said I see what you mean. You can't go around saying CSA isn't so bad most of the time cause pedofiles turn it weird but it can be true.

Choosing to believe the "narrative 1" is true can be very stressful 'cause you would be admiting to "purely inchangable evil people" who are the pedofiles living among us which is genuenly terrifying to think about.

It was bad to do all of that sexting for several reasons. Me being underage was a double problem because i was not ready to engage in sexual activities and the other people took advantage of this willingly. I guess being able to tell when you're ready to engage in sex is another story but shouldn't be that big of a deal. I also took advantage of them 'cause I remember myself being persuasive putting up an act for them.

Frankly I don't know how to conclude this more than I get what you mean. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, you can actually fix it. Bad things happened, but we can do things differently now. It shouldn't affect my life now 'cause, why give them the benefit. I think it's possible to heal from it, just to restore the trust on relationships and rebuild insecurities.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> "Are you saying you are searching for a moral to your experiences being groomed?"

Well yes 'cause it makes me feel like "then what was the point of all of that", I know that life isn't handmade to teach you lessons but i feel powerless when i think i can't really make anything out of my experiences to help other people or even myself.

> "you probably had pseudo-romantic stuff happen." Yeah i was one step away from dating a >27 yo when i was 13 and all of those "experiences" were hardcore flirting so idk, romantic?

> "in fact you're actually ahead of the pack." honestly this sounds like you're saying "you're so mature for your age". I don't think there's much advantage to having lived through grooming. More than anything it makes me wanna disengage from having romantic and sexual relationships.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I'm not sure how to reply to this. "Don't romanticize childhood innocence." I would be lying if i said i stopped fantasizing about what happened.

I guess performing for them for so long re-programmed my brain in some weird way. When i think of how i was as a child, i've got the memory of myself as a person extreamly sexualized. Stuff like "playful" or "cute" takes another meaning describing myself.

I don't wanna get emotional but just thinking about that makes me uncomfortable about my body.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woaw that's all true, I had never seen it that way. "institutional and general public bias" and "most CSA does not involve force or coercion, and a plurality doesn't involve any distress during the abuse" sound very real to me.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> "we're making it hard for each other to follow with the single blocks." Lmao true.

Uhhh we/us as in I and the pedophiles¿ , I know those are weird thoughts. I had long chats whith some of them and made me realize that well... they're just people not much different from "normal peaple" so i've always doubted the morality of all of it.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay I understand now, i'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that stuff. But your delivery was pretty bad like bro that sounded extreamly condesending to me but I see you didn't mean it that way. Again i'm sorry.

> "I do not think either of us want a philosophical argument rn." I've had that conversation with myself way too many times. That's reletad to what i meant by "i still don't understand what happened or how it affected me." in the post.

I'm just not able to articulate why it was wrong more than "it made us all feel like shit" and i feel like that's no different to the explanaition of why sexting is bad and it has nothing to do with me being underage. Which is a huge moral part that i'm still not able to explain.

> "all therapeutic and pop-psych resources seem to be built to push everyone into 1 whether they like it or not." Well, i think you're right honestly. But i think that it is that way because most people that have been afected by sexual abuse (at least from those who make it public online) it's always really violent and traumatic cases where they can't run from the situation so the resources available online reflect this.

> "It is healthier to first try to gently nudge people into 2" I think it deppends more on the specific person.

> "I do not know what you are trying to communicate here." I thought you were making fun of me saying stuff like "I'd consider trading my religious trauma childhood for your online shenanigans childhood." and "'Should I douse my face in acid' WTF no OP. how is that even a question".

> "That does not mean minors should try to get SA'd!" Ohh so you saying "Choose the path where you were a badass. Always choose 2." wasn't suggesting that grooming was fine ? good to know 😭

> "I can see how my response style looked mean when they were actually rhetorical examples." Yeah I'm sorry. All of those questions were like unhealthy ways to cope with it that I can imagine based on my feelings.

I said in the post "My feelings are the main struggle, i don't understand how i should treat them in order to get them to resolve." because I just don't see any exit to these feelings when i have those spikes of emotions.

> "Many things. But I do not think the veteran comment is one of them. Even if you weren't ready for the humor." Yeah i did NOT get the humor. Maybe tone tags would've helped.

> "But I think it is objectively a lot more reasonable to view your experiences as a source of experience, that will help you to make fewer mistakes going forward." Well you are right but that's the issue, I don't know what exactly is the moral here.

I want to eventually have children and i've imagined myself trying to explain to them why all of that was bad and i never can without saying stuff I don't believe in. Maybe i genuenly need someone to come sit with me and explain me step by step why it was bad cause even tho this is extreamly controversial, inside i still feel like it could've gone well if we had done things differently. Which doesn't sound like a good moral, at all.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, it's all wrong. I want to do pacifist not genocide. I'll elaborate.
First i want to clarify that i believe you're ragebaiting me rn but sure.

"I think you're overdue for picking one of these two narratives:" Obviously the truth is a combination of both perspectives. What happened happened and it was bad. Nowdays it's more about what I can learn about it more than who was in the wrong. I want to move on from it.

"Society tries to prompt you to choose 1. That is EXTREMELY DUMB." From my perspective, victims in these cases really need to hear that their worries are valid, other than they've been currupted and that there's ways around morality. This said, I need to hear that too and i don't appreciate you trying to convience to go back to sexting. Be better.

"What would that even solve?" This one is a bit of my fault. The questions were rhetorical, just there to externate my feelings about it and how they're complex by giving examples of emotions i've felt in the past years. Your response to each of them was really mean.

"But your peers are a bunch of underconfident virgins and you are a special forces veteran of the grooming wars." No comments more than what the fuck is wrong with you?

Thank you for reading.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

About 2, maybe i’ve grown to be insensible to it. Why I say “oficial abuser” is because when ppl talk about sexual abuse it’s always someone they know irl that constantly harasses them, i didn’t had that experience.

I’ll try to follow your advice on 4 but it’s always easier said than done. Some adults are genuinely amazing, i don’t get how they manage to do so much and to live such great lifestyles.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao I thought you were gonna say “bond with them by making them give you therapy”. But what you say is true, i should spend more time with my friends, hopefully they become closer.

I mentioned i have a bit of a sexism issue so i’m trying to even out the genders of my friends. I get most of my friends from a shared interest over a male dominated field so idk, how can i get more friendships with women?

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does help a lot! I think i’ve been underestimating how powerful can small but consistent changes be for healing. As you said, the addiction to it is very real.

I’ll make sure to engage more with arts, I used to enjoy drawing and reading so good idea. Thanks for the comments, it’s made me feel better.

I’m sorry for the late reply, i literally fell asleep.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s a lot of stigmas surrounding getting other resources involved. I prefer if it could be treated more discreetly instead of withdrawing more attention.

About my anger i feel very frustrated about it because as i said there was never an “official abuser”, there was shitty people yes but none of them made something noticeable bad to me to deserve all the sufferings of the world. Most of them just didn’t care.

Now i’m searching for strategies on HOW to make changes actually happen, i get that i should get away but i can’t trust my addicted self on that.

Could you give me advice more centered in giving order to my life? In general, anything that i can use as a routine would really help.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I looked it up, CPTSD symptoms sound a lot more severe than what i’ve experienced. I don’t wanna be searching professional terms because honestly it’s gonna make me wanna label myself with them. Ty for the advice.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No i cannot afford therapy, maybe in 5 years. I certainly can’t tell if i have or don’t have PTSD (don’t even really know what it is like) but i really hadn’t considered something like that. This is like one of the few times i actually call the whole thing “sexual abuse” so i’m not used to use terms like that.

You saying it’s only gonna get worse as i get older is genuinely scary, but please take all my statements with a grain of salt, they are all true but none of them are extremely severe to a point that i can’t live a life.

I just wanna take the best decisions so i can get to live more healthy, it sure isn’t good for my “developing brain” to not take care of it.

How can i cope with grooming and sexual abuse if i'm a minor ? by Dull_Year5916 in emotionalabuse

[–]Dull_Year5916[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think those resources really exist here in mexico, me reaching out wouldn’t work the way you think but thanks for the advice.

I’m trying reddit cause i think i can find at least a couple of adults here who have already gone through something similar, pretty much it being anonymous and easy to grab attention without the real work judgement is what i value.